It's a Ditch
by SillyOldThing
Summary: David Rossi learns the hard way that what may have been done innocently and without malice can have dire consequences for another. Spoilers for 'Solitary man' Chapt 27 up
1. Chapter 1

**It's a Ditch**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

_'Those who do not feel pain seldom think that it is felt'_ ~Dr Samuel Johnson

&&&&&&&&&&

David Rossi looked out of his office window into the bullpen. He was surprised to see Spencer Reid already sitting at his desk working. It was early, even Hotch hadn't arrived yet, although Hotch was never as early as he used to be. He liked to spend a little time with Jack before he took him to school.

The team had just got back from a case the previous night. They had seen a man blow his own head off while the his young daughter stood no more than two feet from Rossi. They had found the woman he had abducted and that was the part that Rossi had to keep reminding himself about. An innocent life had been saved and the little girl had family come forward to care for her.

Rossi turned his attention back to Reid. He had to chuckle to himself. Yesterday he had made the kid climb down a small hill to get to the bottom of a ditch. Reid had been a real candy ass about it and whined that his doctor told him he wasn't supposed to do any climbing. Rossi shook his head at the memory and marvelled at the lack of toughness in the younger generation. Shot knee or not, in his day an agent would have just done it. Still, Reid was just being Reid. Certain allowances had to be made for genius he guessed.

It looked like Reid was working on a consult, his head was bent over a file. He seemed to be in a state of intense concentration when Rossi saw him slowly push himself away from his desk. His hands were braced against the edges and he hung his head down between his arms. Rossi frowned and wondered what was wrong. It was a very unReid like position. Spencer stayed like this for a few minutes and then lifted his head as if it were almost too heavy to hold up anymore. He pulled his messenger bag out from under his desk and began to rummage through it. Finally Rossi saw what Reid had been looking for. It was a prescription pill bottle. Rossi sat up with interest.

Spencer seemed to be studying the bottle, a pained expression on his face. Then very quickly he opened the bottle and poured what looked like to be three pills from the container and popped them in his mouth. Reid closed his eyes and hung his head again as if in defeat.

Rossi watched him stand and walk slowly to the kitchen area. It seemed his limp was a bit more pronounced today. Rossi felt a pang of guilt as he remembered pretending not to hear Reid calling him to help him up the hill. It had seemed funny at the time.

He saw the pill bottle still on Reid's desk. The profiler in him could not resist the oppurtunity to snoop and see what Reid had taken. He quietly left his office and quickly reached the young profilers desk. One quick look at the bottle told him it was indeed a prescription made out to Reid. One hundred and twenty 10 mg tablets of Percocet. He noted the date on the bottle, it was prescribed the same day Reid was shot in the knee. He also noted the bottle was almost completely full. It appeared like this was the first time Reid had taken any of his pain medication and at triple the dose. Rossi wondered why. He knew percocet was an effective pain killer and that one of the drawbacks to taking this particular narcotic was, if taken regularly one could build up a tolerance for it. He couldn't really see that happening to Spencer.

He could hear Reid returning from the break area. Rossi headed back to his office and again he watched the young agent go back to his desk with a large cup of coffee in his hand. He was still limping. Rossi sighed, he didn't think having Reid climb down that little hill would aggravate his knee injury. At least he had the pain medication and probably in a few days he would feel better and no harm would be done. This thought made him feel better and eased his guilt.

Rossi turned his attention back to his paperwork. He glanced down at his new boots and admired the soft Italian leather and fine workmanship.

Maybe he would treat Reid to lunch today if there was time. He smiled, Reid hobbling up that hill was still kinda funny.

What David didn't know was that in the next room a monster had been roused from a long and deep sleep and it was hungry.

&&&&&&&&&&&

FIN.

AN: I enjoyed the scene between Reid and Rossi in the ditch, but at the same time I was thinking, "Hey Rossi, that's nasty" So please Read and Review.

PS. Also I always thought that Rossi really didn't know anything about Reid and his addiction since he wasn't around at that time and nobody ever speaks of it.

.


	2. Chapter 2

**No Way Out**

Disclaimer :I do not own Criminal Minds.

_'We desire most what we ought not to have'_ ~Publilius Syrus

&&&&&&&&&&&

Reid lay alone on a bed in a small uncomfortable Florida hotel room. He was soaked in his own sweat even though the ancient air conditoning was running full blast. How was it possible, he wondered, to feel hot and cold at the same time. He wanted to sleep and the mouldy smell of the hotel room was not helping.

Reid was bored with staring at the ceiling, he thought for a change of pace he'd stare at the walls for a while, maybe count the flowers on the tacky wallpaper. Why had JJ checked them into this shit hole of a place?. The walls were paper thin, he swore he could hear Rossi snoring three doors away and could hear Morgan having a supposedly private phone conversation with one of his lady friends right next door.

There were just weird sounds everywhere coming at him from every direction. He threw his pillow at the wall in frustration. He gave up, he obviously was not going to be able to sleep tonight. He might as well get up, he turned on the tv and saw on the weather channel it was currently 86 degrees in St Petersberg and it was expected to be even hotter tomorrow. Growing up in Vegas he was used to heat, but not like this, this semi tropical humidity made him feel like he could barely breathe. He stood up and pulled off his sweat soaked pyjamas, threw them on the floor and plunked his nude body into the nearest chair.

That was a mistake, no sooner had his bottom hit the seat of the rattan chair when he felt a shooting pain in his knee that made him groan out loud. Reid grimaced and grabbed his leg. Morgan next door was suddenly silent. Reid bit his lip in an effort to remain completely still and quiet. The last thng he needed right now was for Morgan to come snooping around asking what was wrong. He relaxed as he heard Morgan resume his conversation.

Spencer sat rubbing his leg debating what he should do. Go down to the bar and have a drink, take a cool bath, raid the mini bar. No, none of those options held any interest for him. He knew what he wanted and it was only a few steps away. He reached over and grabbed his messenger bag, he reached in and pulled out his prescription of Percocet. His mouth watered at the sight. The bottle did not have much left in it, a weeks worth at best and then he would have to either stop or get some more.

He had got the script quite a while ago when he was first shot. He let the doctor fill out the prescription for him but he was deterrmined not to use it, and he hadn't until...

It was the most innocent thing really, he had climbed down into a muddy ditch during a case. Going down had been fine, climbing out had been the problem. The ground had been a little bit wet and slippery and his shoes had slipped in the mud. The casual observer wouldn't have noticed a thing but to Reid it was as if a small grenade had exploded under his kneecap. Newly healed bone and cartilage shifted and stretched in directions they were not supposed to go. He even imagined he could hear his knee popping out of place.

For the remainder of that day the pain was managable. He wished the same could be said the following day when it woke him at 4:30 in the morning. He just went to work early and tried to focus on some case files. It was no use, he found his pills and popped three of them, triple the amount he was supposed to take. Half an hour later he felt great, he was pain free for the first time in months, not to mention slightly buzzed.

From that moment on it became a strange dance of denial for Reid. He knew he took too many pills the first time, so he started with one pill every six hours just like it said on the bottle. One was not enough, two, he thought would be alright as long as he started to wean himself off them when the supply ran low.

The supply _was_ running low. He opened the bottle and popped three into his mouth. He dry swallowed them, causing him to gag a little. He lay back down on his bed. Already he could feel a soothing warmth creep up his spine. The pain in his knee was gone as was the agitation he felt with the noises of the hotel.

This was good, percocet was what he needed. He told himself he could stop this drug easily. Percocet was not dilaudid. Percocet was like a old friend who offered comfort and warmth, while dilaudid was like an insatible lover who wanted to posess you body and mind.

Reid began to drift off to sleep, he could no longer hear the small voice that screamed at him to stop lying to himself. The drug had silenced it.

&&&&&&&&&&

At 7:30 the next morning, Spencer was awakened by a insistant knocking at his door.

"Reid, hey Reid, you in there?" It was the voice of Derek Morgan.

Reid yelled out a garbled response and headed to the door. It felt very drafty all of a sudden. Spencer looked down at himself and realized he almost answered the door completely naked.

"Hold on!" he yelled. Reid grabbed the bedsheet off the floor and wrapped it around his waist. He half hobbled over to the door and pulled it open. Morgan stood there with two take-out coffees and David Rossi beside him. The two men were slightly taken aback by Reid's appearance.

"Did we interrupt a toga party?" asked Rossi with a smirk on his face.

Reid ignored him and spoke to Morgan. "What is it?"

Morgan grinned at his young colleague. "Hotch wants us to be ready to leave at nine sharp, here, I brought you a coffee,"

Reid took the coffee and almost lost his sheet. "Thanks," he mumbled.

Rossi gave him a once over "Ya know Reid, I never took you for a sleep in the buff guy"

"I was hot last night" he explained. He was becoming irritated. He wished they would go away and let him drink his coffee. Reid thanked them again and tried to shut the door. Derek blocked it with his hand. He wore a more serious expression on his face.

"Everything ok? I thought I heard you yell last night." Morgan said.

Reid pretended to look puzzled. "No, I'm ok, must have been the TV," he lied.

This time he did shut the door. He felt shaky, he noticed he had left the pill bottle right out in the open. They might have seen it. He sat on the bed, opened the bottle and took out 2 pills and washed them down with hot coffee. He sighed with relief when he felt the effects come over him.

_'Good, that will do me till I get home and I only took two,'_ he thought. _'This will not be a problem,'_

Reid felt in a much lighter mood. He busied himself packing and thought he had time for breakfast, then changed his mind. He really wasn't hungry. Coffee was all he needed. He caught his reflection in the mirror and for a split second he almost didn't recognize himself, it was like he had seen a stranger looking back at him through his eyes. He shivered and took another look; it was just him.

He cheerfully carried on as if he didn't recognize the signs. His life was about to unravel.

FIN

AN: This was mean't to be a one shot, but I guess it had more to say. Please read and review


	3. Chapter 3

**Lies**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

_'Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive,'~Sir Walter Scott_

&&&&&&&&&&

The team was gathered in the BAU conference room. They each sat with a file in front of them reviewing a case another team was already working on. Hotch was warning them that there was a possibility they could be called on the weekend to assist in the investigation. It was highly unusual for this to happen but Hotch wanted them to be prepared and ready to go. He advised them not to make any plans and stick close to home if possible. There was an collective groan from the team. Many of them did have plans and hated to be on call like that. Hotch held his hands up in front of him in a defensive gesture and assured them it was not his idea. Strauss was experimenting again. This too would pass. He assured them.

The team laughed and got up to head back to their desks, all except for Reid. He was still staring at his file, biting his nails and fidgeting in his chair. Morgan had noticed this behavior in Reid the last couple of days. It was like the kid could not sit still. He tried to get his attention.

"Reid, hey Reid, meetings over," Morgan said to him. Reid did not give any indication he heard him. Morgan leaned close and snapped his fingers in front of his face. Reid looked up at his friend with irritation.

"Kid, where are you?" asked Morgan.

Spencer frowned at him. "I'm right here Morgan," He looked around and realized that only he, Hotch and Morgan were still in the room.

Morgan grinned at him. "Are you sure?"

Reid cleared his throat and spoke directly to Hotch.

"Hotch, I just wanted to remind you, I have a Dr's appointment at three, I'll be leaving early today,"

"Yes I remember, I hope everythings ok," Hotch said, not wanting to pry but concerned none the less. He too noticed something a little off about Reid lately. He was getting really thin again and seemed unfocused.

Reid smiled at him, "I'm fine, just a check up on my knee." He gathered up his things and went back to his desk. The two older men watched him.

"I think I'll ask him to go to lunch with me today," said Morgan.

Hotch nodded, "I think that's a good idea, see if you can find out what the hell's bothering him."

&&&&&&&&&&

It took a little coaxing for Morgan to convince Reid to have lunch out with him. Reid told him he was behind in paperwork. Morgan insisted, saying he needed to get out of the building for a while, Reid reluctantly agreed.

The two men sat at a table at one of Morgan's favourite diners. Reid was not very communicative. Derek had polished off his cheeseburger and fries while Reid still sat there with his egg salad sandwich on white. He quietly sat just tearing small bits off the sandwich and putting them in his mouth. He reminded Derek of a hamster.

"So, are you going to tell me what's going on with you?"Morgan finally said.

Reid looked up at his friend with a puzzled expression."What do you mean?" he asked.

Derek sighed. "C'mon Reid, talk to me," He could see the various emotions that played across Spencer's face, Reid kept looking up at Morgan and back to his plate, like he was trying to decide something. Morgan wanted to help. He reached over and put his hand on the young profilers arm and spoke softly to him.

"You know whatever you tell me will be in confidence. I just wanna help, tell me what's making you act like you're about to jump out of your skin," Morgan gave Reid's arm a gentle squeeze.

Reid _did_ feel like he was about to jump out of his skin. It was because he had run out of percocet 2 days ago. He couldn't tell Morgan that, the truth was too dangerous. He began to get more twitchy. He didn't like Morgan pushing him to confide, no matter how good his intentions were.

Morgan leaned over and locked eyes with him. It occurred to him Reid had lately been spending a lot of time on the phone with the doctors at Bennington.

"Reid, is it your mother?" Morgan asked.

Reid looked up suprised, Morgan took his startled expression to mean he had hit the nail on the head.

Grasping at anything to steer Morgan away from the truth, Reid nodded and looked away, He hated lying to Morgan, especially about his mother.

"Is she alright?" he asked. The older profilers eyes were filled with sympathy and genuine concern.

"They're changing her medication," Reid said quickly. That part wasn't a lie. The doctors at Bennington _were_ changing her medication and had been consulting with him about it all week. Of course she wasn't in any danger and he was told she seemed to be responding well. Reid said nothing else, he would just let Morgan fill in the blanks.

Morgan sat back in his seat and looked at his young colleague "You know when you have family stuff, you can come to me." he told him.

Spencer shrugged, he was uncomfortable with the fact that he used his mother in a lie

"Yes, I know Morgan, thank you, but can we please talk about something else?" Spencer pleaded.

Morgan nodded and agreed to change the subject. He at least felt satisfied he had got Reid to open up a little.

The rest of the lunch passed with the two profilers talking about only work related subjects. Reid could hardly wait til lunch was over, he was itching to get to his doctors appointment and could think of nothing else.

&&&&&&&&&

Reid strode into the BAU offices the following morning looking happy and feeling pain free. He made his way to the kitchen area for a coffee where the rest of the team had already gathered. His sudden change in attitude did not go unnoticed.

"You look like you had a good night, anything you want to tell us sweetcheeks?" asked Garcia, in a teasing tone.

Reid shook his head and smiled back. "No, just had a good nights sleep," he replied.

"Alone?" asked Rossi suggestively.

"Yes alone,"

"That's too bad," added Morgan making the others laugh.

"You have a one track mind Morgan," said Spencer

"It's a gift kid," Morgan said with a wink. He was enjoying the easy banter. He caught Hotch's eye, Hotch looked relieved. It seemed like Reid was back to his old self.

Spencer loaded his coffee up with sugar and headed back to his desk. He certainly did have a good sleep. Yesterday at his doctors appointment he told his physician he had re-injured his leg, that at least was the truth. He just didn't tell him he did it weeks ago. The doctor examined him and told him that except for some mild swelling he was healing well.

Reid ever so casually asked for a refill of his percocet. The doctor had regarded him for a moment. Reid looked him straight in the eye, he didn't want to appear suspicious. He tried to stop any jitters he was feeing and was careful about his body language. Doctors could be excellent profilers sometimes.

"I don't think I will refill it Spencer but I will prescribe a weeks worth." He scribbled on his pad and handed it to Reid.

Reid tried not to show his disappointment, but a weeks worth was better than nothing. The doctor suggested he come back if he was still in pain, and to switch to an over the counter pain killer when he ran out of Percocet, if he needed it.

Reid thanked him and left. As soon as he had the script filled he hurried to his car and took two tablets. The following morning he took another two pills and left for work. He felt great. He tried not to think about what he would do when he ran out again.

There was somethng else he tried not to think of, yet it kept creeping unbidden into his mind. There was a hiding place that he knew of, where once upon a time, clear bottles of a certain substance were hidden. He did not want to go there. He had never been able to completely throw them away. It made him feel stronger that he could resist them when they were available. Now he was not so sure. Sometimes he felt he could hear their sweet siren song in his sleep.

He shook his head, no, he would not think of that now, now he felt good and happy.

He saw JJ approaching their desks. He had a feeling that they might be going out on a case. She motioned to the team to head to the conference room. Reid was grateful to have something else to concentrate on. Morgan gave him a wink and Prentiss smiled at him. He smiled back. He felt his confidence grow again, he could handle this. He knew he could.

TBC.

AN: It looks like this story will be a few chapters after all. Next chapter Rossi has a strange encounter with Reid. Please read and review, tell me what you think, Thanks for all the other reviews. I do appreciate it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Conflict**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

_'Two things a man should never be angry at : what he can help and what he cannot help'_.~ Thomas Fuller.

&&&&&&&&&&&

Reid had been sitting in his car for almost an hour. The sun had set and it was getting dark. He saw other cars begin to pull into the lot and some familiar faces get out of their vehicles and head into the Beltway clean cops meeting. Reid had parked himself as far away as he could. He really didn't want to be seen in case he changed his mind.

He had come here directly from the BAU Jet. He was afraid if he went home the temptation to find those hidden bottles of dilaudid would overwhelm him. It had been three days since he had run out of percocet. Three days that he and the team had spent in another city trying to find a psychopath before he murdered another prositute. It was a harrowing case, the unsub had devolved quickly and took out as many victims as he could before he killed himself. The townspeople had been unhelpful and the local police resentful of their presence. There was no happy ending. The team left at least with the knowledge that the murderer could not harm another person.

Spencer had pretended to be asleep on the flight home just so he didn't have to talk to anyone. Hotch told the team to take the next day off. They were only too happy to comply. Morgan and Prentiss had invited him to go out with them for drinks. He politely declined, he didn't think he could hold a drink without his hands shaking, they were sure to notice something like that.

Instead he came straight here. He was early, but he could wait. He thought he should probably get out of the car as the meeting would be starting soon. It was just that he couldn't seem to be able to make himself move; his body felt like it was made out of lead. His hands gripped the steering wheel. He ordered himself to let go, to just move. It wasn't too late, there was time to stop this.

In the distance he saw John get out of his car. He always called him John, there were no last names, no sirs. They were all equals here. John was a high ranking FBI official who had helped Spencer in the past. He didn't see Reid sitting there, as he was walking in the opposite direction. Suddenly John stopped, he looked like he had forgotten something. Reid tensed, if John turned around, he would see him and Reid would have to go in, John would expect it. He felt almost relieved that this was being taken out of his hands. He held his breath as John fumbled in his pockets for something. Reid saw a man approach the elder agent and get his attention. They spoke for a minute and walked into the building together.

John had not seen him. Reid felt a strange mixture of relief and rage. He hit his fists on the steering wheel in frustration.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit!," he hissed.

The parking lot was quiet now. It appeared everyone had gone in. He could still go he reasoned, but there was something else calling him, pulling him in another direction. He sat back and closed his eyes. He thought of Rossi and his damned boots, he wanted to blame him, but he knew this really had nothing to do with Rossi. He thought of the needle sliding under his skin and depressing the plunger, he wet his lips, the sensation he felt at the memory was something akin to arousal. He craved that release. He wanted that feeling just one more time, it had been so long. He remembered John telling him how it had taken him seven years to earn his one year medallion, so even he had slip ups. Was he not allowed one last time, a goodbye of sorts.

Spencer composed himself, he started his car and pulled out of the parking lot. He couldn't handle a meeting, yet he wasn't ready to go home.

&&&&&&&&&&.

David Rossi swirled the last bit of scotch in his glass and downed it. His lips made a satisfied smacking sound and he debated whether he should indulge in another one. He looked at his watch, it was only eleven, but still, two drinks was his limit these days, at least in a bar it was. He thought of the bottle Hotch had given him for christmas and how nice a nightcap a glass would be.

Rossi looked around the bar. This place was his favourite watering hole. It was dark and quiet, and played his kind of music, no hip hop here. So it came as a surprise when he saw Spencer Reid sitting alone in a booth in a dark corner of the bar. He looked different, he held a brandy glass in his long slender fingers and was just sitting there staring into the darkness.

Rossi sauntered over to him, he just wanted to say hello as well as ask _'What the hell are you doing here?' _He stopped at Reid's table and expected to get some kind of response from his younger colleague.

"Mind if i join you" Rossi asked.

Reid slowly looked up at him and Rossi saw something in his eyes that gave him a chill. It could have been the lighting in the bar or the two scotch's, but Reid's eyes, which were usually so soft and expressive were dark and hard and angry looking. It were as if a stranger were looking up at him. Something was very wrong.

Reid shrugged and took a sip of his brandy. Rossi sat down across from him. he suddenly began to feel very sober. He watched as Reid belted down his brandy and gestured to the bartender to get him another. Rossi wondered what had happened to him between getting off the jet tonight and being here.

"I hope you're not driving tonight Dr Reid,"

"Since when do you give a shit?" Reid replied.

Rossi was slightly taken aback. Reid almost never swore or spoke to him like that. He decided to ignore it,

"You ok? you don't seem yourself" Rossi said.

Reid sighed and leaned toward David as if he were speaking to a slow witted child.

"We have tomorrow off David, I do what I like in my own time. So relax, I'm not your problem, you don't have to worry about my safety or well being," Reid giggled slightly. "Not that you really do anyway,"

Rossi frowned at him, _'What the hell is that supposed to mean?'_ he thought.

Reid signalled the bartender again for another drink. "I'm off the clock agent Rossi and I want to get drunk,"

"I think you'll have some success with that if you keep belting down this stuff like this, you'll feel pretty good tomorrow too."

Reid gave him a bland smile "It's just pain, I'm used to it" Reid gave him a slow once over."Say, shouldn't you be out having your Armani shirts monogramed or something," His voice was beginning to slur now.

That was the third time Reid had directed some snarky remark his way. He was beginning to feel irritated, but held his temper in check, something must be really wrong for Reid to act this way. He decided to change the subject; he knew there was no reasoning with someone when they were drunk.

"So this is usually _my_ favourite drinking spot, how did you find it?" he asked.

Reid waved his arm around. "I heard you telling Hotch about it, how private it is. It's like stepping into a time machine. I almost expect Frank and Dean to come out any minute and start singing,"

Rossi had to smile at the rat pack reference.

"Look, you don't have to tell me what's bugging you but I can't leave unless I know you got home safe," Rossi said.

Spencer tilted his head at him and stared thoughtfully at him for a moment.

"I'm sure you can leave David, just leave a note," he said quietly.

Dave felt the young man's eyes boring holes through him. The kid was definitely pissed with him.

"C'mon, I'll give you a ride, finish the drink and I'll take you home."

Reid rubbed his hands over his face "Sure, I don't s'pose you'll leave me alone otherwise. Just wait here, I need to use the bathroom,"

Spencer got up and staggered/ limped to the men's room.

Rossi was relieved at first that Reid was so willing to go with him. But several minutes passed by and he hadn't returned. He hoped the kid wasn't being sick, he just had his car cleaned and didn't want someone puking in it. Ten minutes more passed when he decided to go look for him. He walked in to the small men's room and called out Reid's name. There was no answer, there was no sign of him anywhere. He hurried over to the bar and spoke to the bartender.

"Hey, have you seen that skinny kid I was sitting with in the booth?." he asked.

"The bartender nodded."Yeah, he left here about 15 minutes ago."

"Son of a bitch!" Rossi said under his breath.

"He left this for you," The bartender handed him a slip of paper.

Rossi took the paper and turned it over "I'll be damned," he said aloud. Reid had left him the bill for the three brandys.

&&&&&&&&&&&

Reid felt a certain satisfaction at ditching Rossi in the bar with his bill. He'd probably regret it tomorrow and probably regret being such a prick to him. He would worry about that tomorrow. Right now, he was a man on a mission. He was in the storage locker of his apartnent. This was where he had put it. He climbed over the boxes and old furniture he had brought from Vegas. He found the ancient wooden filing cabinet with the combination lock on one drawer, within seconds he had it open. Taped to the back of the drawer was an envelope with a bottle in it. A small bottle half full of clear liquid. Reid had found the dilaudid.

&&&&&&&&&&&

TBC.

AN: Please read and review. Thank you for your interest in this story.


	5. The Needle

**The Needle**

&&&&&&&&&

Disclaimer: I do not own criminal minds:

_'There is another man within me that's angry with me'~ _Thomas Browne.

&&&&&&&&&&&

Rossi had told Hotch he might stop by in the morning to pick up some old crime notes he wanted to have a look at. He was playing with the idea of writing a new book and was starting to gather up some material for research.

Hotch answered the door wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. Rossi almost wished he had a camera, the sight of Hotch in casual clothing was a rare one. Aaron looked well rested and relaxed, that too was also rare.

"Come in Dave, would you like some coffee?" Hotch offered. He gestured to Rossi to have a seat on the couch.

"Yes thanks, hi Jack," Dave said to the little boy he hadn't seen since Haleys funeral. Jack was in his pjs watching cartoons and munching on toast. He turned and gave Rossi a wave and a smile and went back to watching tv.

Rossi made himself comfortable while Hotch poured the coffee. Rossi saw the rather worn looking shoebox on the coffee table in front of him.

"I kept these old notes," Hotch said. "but I think that's all I have on that particular case. Garcia might be able to dig up some files from the archives for you." He handed Dave his coffee and sat down across from his old friend.

"So you're going to start writing again, that's great"

"Well, I'm just thinking about it. It's a muscle I really dont want to atrophy, I have enough stuff wearing out on me,"

Hotch smiled and took a sip of his coffee."Well I know Reid would be thrilled, he's a big fan of yours."

"Hmm, not so sure about that." Rossi said, his eyes downcast.

Hotch frowned, he could read Dave's body language with little effort. Apparently the subject of Reid made him a little uncomfortable.

"What's wrong Dave, something up with Reid?" he asked.

Rossi felt torn, Reid had been correct last night. What he did on his own time was nobody's business, yet the way he looked last night was so out of character and bizarre, Rossi felt he should tell somebody.

Hotch noticed the hesitation and the look on Rossi's face. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

David took a long drink of his coffee and turned toward Hotch. "I went to Fantino's last night for a drink," he said.

Hotch waited. "Ok, that's hardly news,"

"Reid was there," Rossi said.

Hotch raised his eyebrows "You took Reid to the bar with you?"

"No, I mean he was already there, he was drunk,"

Hotch sighed,"Well, I admit that's a little unusual, but maybe he needed to blow off steam, that last case was well..." Hotch looked across the room to see if Jack was listening. He didn't need to finish, Rossi knew all too well how draining the last case was.

"I guess, he was just weird and hostile. I've never seen him like that before."

"Dave, Morgan told me he had a talk with Reid a while ago and it seems there are some health issues with his mother that are stressing him out." Hotch explained.

Rossi nodded, somewhat relieved, worry about a family member can take it's toll.

"Then of course, he might be dealing with pain management issues too." Hotch added.

"Pain management?" Rossi felt his stomach give a sickening twist.

"That leg injury was a lot worse than Reid led us to believe. It's going to be a long time before he's fully active in the field again. I suspect he's been dealing with quite a lot of pain as well. Dave, are you alright?"

Hotch had seen his old friends face pale right before him. Rossi did not even hear Hotch as he was remembering the sound of Reid's voice calling him to help him out of that damn ditch. He was seized by immense feelings of guilt._'Shit, what did I do?' _

"Dave?" Hotch leaned forward.

"Oh it's nothing, just thinking," Rossi looked at Jack and smiled, "I think I'm keeping you from more important things. Aaron, I'll see you tomorrow, thanks for the notes." With that, David said goodbye to Jack and left the apartment. His thoughts went back to Reid and how he was acting. If he was responsible for any of the kid's pain he wanted to set it right.

&&&&&&&&&&

Reid woke up on his sofa, fully dressed with a hangover just as bad as Rossi had predicted. He tried to put together the events of the previous evening. He groaned as the memories came flooding back nearly making him sick .

"I stiffed Rossi with my bar bill," he moaned out loud. He put his hands over his face trying to block out the mid morning sun that filled his living room.

There were times that Reid really felt his eidetic memory was a curse. There were some things that truly deserved to be blocked from your memory. He cringed as he recalled the things he had said to Rossi and promised himself that he would apologize tomorrow. Right now he wanted to shave the fur that seemed to have grown on his tongue. His head pounded, he glared at his refridgerator with it's annoying hum, he wanted to shoot the thing.

Spencer dragged himself to the shower and got in. The hot water felt good and was clearing the cobwebs out of his brain, he was enjoying the sensation of the water hitting his tired muscles when he suddenly felt like he had to throw up. Reid quickly sat down under the spray and did some deep breathing to fight the urge. He stayed there until the water began to feel cool and his head less full of cotton. Once out, he made a pot of coffee and dressed, he was debating whether to go back to bed or not when he heard knocking at his door.

"Alright, I'm coming, hold on." he yelled as the knocking became more insistant. Spencer opened the door to the smilings faces of his two colleagues Morgan and Garcia.

Reid blinked at them "What are you doing here?" he said.

"Good morning to you too sweetstuff," said Garcia brightly. The two pushed their way past Spencer into his living room. Morgan turned and grinned at his friend as he took in the young man's appearence.

"Man, you look like something the cat dragged in," stated Morgan.

"Mmm, but he smells nice," added Garcia as she sniffed at his freshly washed hair.

Reid continued to stare "What are you doing here?" he repeated.

Morgan and Garcia exchanged looks. "Sweetie, remember I called last night, we're going to brunch, Emily is going to meet us there,"

Now he did remember but he was so drunk last night, he would have agreed to go swimming with aligators.

Reid stared at them helplessly. Morgan moved closer and looked at Reid's red rimmed puffy eyes.

"Garcia, I think our boy here might have had a little party last night." he dropped his voice to a whisper, "Is she still in the bedroom?"

Reid glared at Morgan. "There's no one here and yes I am hungover ok,"

Morgan chuckled," We figured, now how about we go out and have some undercooked eggs and sausages swimming in their own grease, yum!"

Reid could feel the bile rising in his throat, he began to turn green "Morgan I swear..."

Garcia gave Morgan a slap on the arm. "Stop it Derek, Reid it's a lovely outdoor place with delicious food and even better coffee, I promise," she said with a smile knowing the promise of good coffee would be irresistable.

The siren call of coffee was music to his ears. Prehaps he could swallow a couple of asprin and maybe he would feel better and stop thinking about last night.

"Do we have time for a cup of coffee before we leave ?" he asked hopefully.

Morgan rolled his eyes. "Sure kid,"

Reid dashed into his kitchen and took three cups down from the cupboard. It was then he saw what he hoped had been a drunken hallucination. On his small kitchen table lay the vial of dilaudid, a syringe and long rubber tube. He froze and stared in shock at the neatly lined up drug paraphalia, sitting there like it was waiting for him. He almost dropped the cups, A coldness began to creep over his entire body. Feelings of longing and disgust mingled together, both vying for an upper hand.

He recalled being in the storage room last night, finding the drugs and the tubes and syringes. He carried them upstairs and laid them out on the table. He had sat staring at them for ages. He hadn't taken any. That might have been because of Penelope's late night call asking him to brunch. When he hung up, he never went back to the kitchen, he fell asleep right there on the couch until morning.

"Reid honey, do you need some help," Garcia called.

Reid heard her footsteps heading toward the kitchen, he quickly grabbed a tea towel and threw it over the needles and vial. Garcia appeared in the doorway. The smile quickly faded from her face.

"Hey, what's wrong? you're beet red and sweating," she came over and put her hand on his forehead. "Are you getting sick?"

Reid managed a weak smile. "Just hungover, look, how about I just meet you guys downstairs in a few minutes. I need a minute to pull myself together."

Reid took Garcia gently by the elbow and guided her out of the kitchen. Morgan looked up and wondered why Reid was trembling.

"Junior g-man here need's to collect himself, and wants to meet us downstairs," explained Garcia.

Morgan shruggd his shoulders "Sure, maybe later you can tell us what made you tie one on." he said.

Garcia took Morgan's arm "C'mon handsome, boy genius needs a minute,"

The two left his apartment and Reid sank to the floor in relief. That had been close. After taking a moment to get his bearings Reid got up and hurried to the kitchen. He pulled the towel off the drugs. He could throw everything out right now, but he knew he wasn't going to. Instead he gathered everything up and carefully hid them in his messenger bag in a rarely used zipper compartment.

_'There!, out of sight, out of mind,' _he thought.

Satisfied, he threw on a jacket and went to meet his friends downstairs.

TBC.

AN:Please read and review.


	6. Chapter 6

**The Damage**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. Nope.

_'I've seen the needle and the damage done'~ _Neil Young.

&&&&&&&&&&&

Reid accepted the magazine from the flight attendant, he smiled at her as she also handed him a mini bottle of brandy and offered him ice. He nodded thanks and poured his non-drug of choice into a small plastic glass. He took a swig and pretended to read his magazine. The last thing he felt like was getting in a mindless conversation with the man next to him, fortunately his seat companion looked about as interested as Reid in any kind of social interaction and went to sleep. The airplane took off with nary a problem and Reid tried to relax. He had to admit he had become spoiled by the BAU's private jet.

He took a deep breath; he had just spent the last four days in Las Vegas, helping the staff at Bennington deal with his mother. It had been a few days after his drunken episode with Rossi that he got a call from his mother's physician, a Dr Norman. He told Spencer that his mother was having a strange reaction to her new anti-psycotic meds. They were very worried about her, she was constantly crying for him and when she wasn't doing that, she was trying to harm herself. Reid had been extremely upset by this news. He wryly thought it was some sort of payback for using his mother as an excuse for his erratic behavior, even though he didn't really believe in those kind of things.

He was forced to ask Hotch for a few days leave to go see his mother. Hotch didn't hesitate in giving him the time off, as family had become so much more precious to him. The team knew better than to try to offer sympathy or discuss any of this with Reid as the subject of his Mom was a bit of a touchy one and they wanted to respect his privacy.

Diana Reid had been happy to see her son at first. Her voice and gestures were manic. She held on tightly to his jacket sleeve as if she were afraid he might disappear at any moment.

She stared at him, her eyes bright blue and glassy, "I knew you would come, you need your Mother now more than ever." She ranted.

Despite his assurances he was perfectly fine, she was adamant that he was in danger and needed her. Eventually she became angry with him and closed off, she decided the goverment must have already harmed him.

New meds were tried and dosages were adjusted til Reid felt it was ok for him to return to Quantico. The last thing he saw before he left his mother was her sad eyes as they followed him out of the sanitarium. Leaving her was always so hard.

Red finished his drink. The urge to use was now stronger than ever, it seemed the craving would not die. It was like some ravenous parasite in his belly that gnawed away at his insides until it got what it wanted. He almost felt like crying, instead he asked the attendant for another brandy.

She smiled sweetly at the good looking polite young man and gave him an extra bottle for good measure.

&&&&&&&&&&&

Hotch looked out over the bull pen and observed his team at work. Morgan and Prentiss were engaged in some sort of animated conversation while Reid sat quietly doing paperwork, ignoring the both of them. Hotch had lately been paying special close attention to Reid. There was something different about him. He was ashamed to think that his first thought had been drugs. It was an issue no one really discussed. He watched him carefully and really didn't see any signs of drug use. He reckoned that maybe it was his mother and her condition that was stressing him.

However, if it was stress, It was certainly affecting his job. The usually mild mannered profiler was snarky and sarcastic, bitchy in other words. Hotch had heard Reid mutter_ 'Asshole' _under his breath in response to a small town's sheriff opinion on profiling. Fortunately the sheriff did not hear. But Hotch and Rossi did.

Reid seemed to be getting more and more reckless and asked to be put out on the field more. He would sulk like a teenager when he was left behind working on a geographical profile. Hotch began to think Reid needed some actual vacation time.

There was a knock at his door, he looked up and saw JJ standing in the doorway, a stack of files in her hand.

"We have a case," she said simply.

&&&&&&&&&&

The team reviewed the case on the jet. It was a short flight to New Jersey. A kidnapping case had gone bad. Wives of high powered wealthy businessmen had each been kidnapped weeks apart for a hefty ransom of half a million dollars and instructions that the police or FBI not be contacted. The men paid the ransom and the women had been returned unharmed. The last and fifth victim's husband had enlisted the help of the local police. The plan went haywire and the man's wife was not returned. Her abducter had left a message screaming that he had been betrayed, the man's wife could also be heard screaming. After that there were no more calls.

"The kidnapper has completely changed his MO," said Rossi studying the file.

"Could he be devolving?" asked JJ.

"No, his last kidnappings were well planned, methodical and he was successful. He should be feeling angry maybe but not hysterical. The other victims said they were not harmed in fact, it almost seemed it was important to him that they were comfortable and well fed. They never saw his face as they were sedated when they were kidnapped and returned." said Hotch.

"So this is obviously not the same kidnapper," said Prentiss.

"We're almost sure of it, The first four victim's husbands are worth of millions of dollars. This last one is a corporate lawyer, he's hugely successful but nowhere in the same league as these other men," Hotch told them.

"We have a copycat," added Morgan.

Reid leaned forward in his seat, "Not quite a copycat, more like an disgruntled employee who's decided to branch out on his own. Look at the language he uses and the drop off sites are nearly identical, how else could he have known those things unless he were involved with the other kidnappings? The original unsub must have had someone helping him, someone who was submissive and not terribly bright."

"I agree, one of the abductees said she thought she heard two different voices. This man is desperate, he see's everything falling apart. Did you notice the word he used in the telephone message? He said he was betrayed. I don't think he was talking about the victim's husband calling the police."

Hotch looked around at the team, "We might not have much time. JJ keep the press away from this, we don't need to aggravate the unsub into thinking he is trapped. Morgan, you and I and Rossi will talk to the former victims. And Reid, you and Prentiss go to the field office and start a geograpical profile." ordered Hotch.

"Where else would I go?" muttered Reid.

Hotch looked up sharply. "Excuse me?"

Reid didn't answer, he sat fiddling with the file in his hand.

"We'll be landing in 15 minutes," finished Hotch.

&&&&&&&&&&

Reid and Prentiss sat with the despondent husband of the last kidnapping. He answered their questions, but his mind was numb with fear. He watched Emily open the file on the previous abductions and saw faces he recognized.

"It's all my fault, I should have just paid the ransom just like Bob and the others did, I'm so stupid" he said, his voice breaking.

Both Emily and Reid's heads snapped up at his use of a first name.

"You know these men, the other husbands?" Emily asked.

"Sure, yeah, I mean we belong to the same golf and country club, sometimes I make up their foursome. I can't really say we travel in the same circles or anything. Nice guys."

"The unsub works at the golf club." said Reid.

"I'm calling Hotch," said Prentiss as she reached for her cell.

&&&&&&&&&&

"Hotch, Rossi and Morgan, upon interviewing the other victims had reached the same conclusion and were now meeting with the manager of Divotfields golf and country club. He was a nervous man, who feared bad publicity would ruin the reputation of his club. Hotch was about to question him when his cell rang. He answered immediately.

"Hotchner here," he put the phone on speaker so Morgan and Rossi could hear.

"Hotch, we believe the unsub or unsubs work at the victim's golf club." Hotch saw the manager pale.

"Sir, do you have any employees that have left recently?" Hotch asked the small man.

"Why yes, Preston, who managed our dining room for years retired just three weeks ago. He went back to England, he used to butle there."

"Butle?" said Morgan.

" Yes, he was a butler for years, until he came here. He once told me his proudest achievement was how he could serve and anticipate his employers every need, yet be almost invisible to them. I thought it was strange myself."

"Is there anyone else who has left?" asked Rossi.

"Well yes, Jeffrey, our massage therapist, hasn't shown up for work in days. We were planning on firing him anyway."

"Did you hear that Emily?

"We found our pair of unsubs," she said.

"We'll get Jeffrey's address and text it to you, meet us there and be careful."

"Ok," It was Reid who spoke.

Hotch was about to order Reid to stay put when he felt Rossi's hand on his arm. "Let him go Hotch, I think he needs this,"

Hotch hesitated then relented, "Ok, both of you be careful, wait for back up if neccesary."

Morgan already had the address and within a minute the three profilers were in their SUVs.

&&&&&&&&&&

Prentiss and Reid arrived at the house first, their adreneline was pumping. They helped each other with their kevlar vests and approached the house carefully.

"Do you think he's stupid enough to take the victim to his own house?" asked Emily.

"Absolutely," answered Reid.

"We should wait for Hotch," said Prentiss, when suddenly they heard a loud noise coming from the house followed by a sharp scream.

"Follow me!" whispered Prentiss.

Holding her gun steady in front of her, she pushed the unlocked door open with her foot. She carefully moved inside the dilapidated old home with Reid behind her. Together they moved around the darkened first floor when they heard whimpering above them. Prentiss took the stairs two at a time with her long athletic legs. Reid realized he had trouble keeping up with her. The first thing they encountered when they reached the top was the victim. She was in a small empty room, lying on her side bound with duct tape. Prentiss put her finger to her lips to tell the woman to be silent. The woman's eyes darted to the right indicating the unsub was in another bedroom. Emily moved down the hall as quietly as a cat. She entered the larger bedroom checking each corner of the room. Reid had made it to the doorway when he saw the unsub's reflecton in the bedroom window, He had hidden behind an old fashioned dressing screen and he had a gun pointed directly at Emily's head.

"EMILY!" Reid screamed as he ran forward in front of Prentiss. There was another scream and more gunshots. He felt something hard hit his chest and he felt he couldn't breathe. Then something hit him again and all he felt was pain. He remembered falling and his head slamming against the wooden floor and then there was nothing but blackness.

TBC.

A/N Sorry if this got a little case ficcy. It's not usually my style but it was a means to an end. Please read and review.


	7. Chapter 7

**I Love You**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

"_Whatever gets you through the night, it's alright, it's alright."_ John Lennon.

Rossi sat alone in the hospital waiting room recalling the events of the last two hours. He wondered how this had gone so horribly wrong. He was waiting for Hotch and Morgan to get back, they were trying to get information on Reid as the paramedics had immediately rushed him into an exam room and blocked the team members from coming in. Prentiss was in another room being checked over, JJ was by her side.

Rossi leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. Suddenly he felt very old, too old to be doing this anymore. Was he losing his toughness or did he care too much for his team members this time around? Whatever the answer was, it didn't ease the guilt he felt. Guilt seemed to be his constant companion these days and he didn't like it.

He heard the voices of Hotch and Morgan coming down the hall. His heart sped up Their tone was serious but conversational, the news had to be good.

&&&&&&&&&&&

_One hour earliar._

_Reid knew he had lost conciousness, but now he was awake, he also knew that he had been shot but he wan't sure where. There was a warm sticky wetness around his head and pain on his entire left side._

_His eyeslids felt heavy, he managed to open his eyes. He saw the worried faces of Morgan, Rossi and Prentiss hovering above him._

_"Did you get him?" He managed to rasp out._

_"Yes, we got him, stay still Reid don't move," they kept saying, even though he was sure he was lying perfectly still. _

_There were so many sounds and voices around him, it was difficult to tell who was who and what they were saying. He heard the unsub screaming that he was shot and another angry voice telling him to shut up. He could see officiers everywhere. He started to drift off again, a cool hand stroked his face and pleaded with him to open his eyes. He heard the unmistakeable sound of velco tearing as someone was trying to take off his vest, it made the pain return. The metallic taste of blood in his mouth made him feel like he had to throw up. He tried to spit it out instead, it sent him into a coughing fit and he felt like he couldn't breathe. People were calling his name, begging him to stay with them. He felt a brace being put around his neck and being lifted off the floor. The sounds were fainter now but he did remember one thing very clearly before he lost conciousness again, mostly because he so seldom heard those words spoken to him. Someone with a familiar voice leaned down close and whispered in his ear._

_"Stay with me Reid, I love you." _

&&&&&&&&&&

Every time David closed his eyes all he could see was the sight of Young Dr Reid sprawled out on that filthy wooden floor, with blood everywhere. The unsub lay several feet away from him writhing on the floor screaming at Prentiss.

Prentiss stood above the man with her gun pointed at his head, "Rossi, he shot Reid, call an ambulance."she said, her voice trembling.

He looked over at Reid and saw blood pooling around his head and his upper left arm. His eyes widened in shock.

"He shot him in the head?" Rossi exclaimed.

"What?". Morgan and Hotch were in the room now as well as several field agents and local police.

"Ambulance is on the way," the police sargeant had yelled.

Prentiss put her gun away the moment the police took custody of the unsub. She knelt beside Reid's head and told him to lay still. Rossi remembered the fear they felt that Reid might be dying right there in front of them. The paramedics came and took over. Hotch rode with him in the ambulance and now here they all were, waiting.

He now saw Morgan and Hotch approaching with Prentiss and JJ walking silently hehind them. Prentiss was still covered in Reid's blood, her visage even paler than usual.

"Hotch, how is he?" Rossi asked.

Hotch's mouth was set in grim line, "They just took him to surgery to remove the bullet from his shoulder. The other bullet hit his vest and thankfully he only has some bruising." he said.

"What they seem the most worried about is the injury he sustained when he hit his head on the floor. He hit it so hard his scalp split open. He needed stitches. All that blood we thought was from a bullet was really from the fall"_._

"Head wounds tend to bleed a lot." added Morgan.

"Will he be alright?" Rossi asked.

Hotch rubbed his eyes as if forcing them to focus, "Yes, they believe he'll make a full recovery but they'll probably keep him in a few days to moniter his head injury."

Rossi exhaled, he hadn't even been aware he had been holding his breath. He looked at the ashen face of Prentiss.

"You look like you need to sit down," said Rossi concerned at her appearance.

Emily sat down in the chair beside him and closed her eyes. JJ and Hotch exchanged looks.

"Emily, there's nothing you can do here. Why don't I take you back to the hotel and you can change and get some rest," JJ offered.

Emily shook her head. "No, Reid saved my life, he took a bullet for me, all because of my own stupidity. I should have seen the guy behind the screen."

JJ didn't know how to respond. Morgan spoke up. "I'm going to wait till Reid gets out of surgery too, I'll get us all some coffees. Prentiss, want to go for the walk?''

"Sure," feeling tired but too restless to sit still, she got up and joined Morgan and JJ.

Hotch and Rossi were alone, Hotch sat down beside the older man. "Dave, he_ is _going to be alright you know."

"It's my fault he's here," Rossi said quietly.

Hotch looked at his friend as if he had lost his mind. "What are you talking about? you weren't even there."

Rossi looked Hotch in the eye. "I told you to let him go with Prentiss, you wanted him to stay back."

Hotch sighed. "Why is everybody blaming themselves? The only one responsible for Reids injury is the man who shot him, if Reid hadn't been there Prentiss might have been shot in the head or maybe a hundred other things might have happened. Hindsight is 20/20 Dave, I shouldn't have to tell you that. It seems to me you've been awlfully preoccupied with Reid's welfare lately. What's going on?"

Dave opened his mouth to respond when Morgan, JJ and Emily returned with the coffees. Dave took the coffee from Morgan and said no more. The five team members sat quietly and waited for news of their youngest.

&&&&&&&&&&

Reid opened his eyes, he was still groggy from the anesthetic. He looked up at the sterile white ceiling and realized he was in another hospital room. _'Great, I should get a discounted rate'_ he thought. He tried to sit up and winced at the pain in his shoulder.

"Be careful dear, that's going to be sore for a while but I have something to help that,"

Reid turned his head to the side and saw a pleasant faced nurse adjusting his IV line. She picked up a syringe off a tray beside his bed.

She smiled down at him.

"You're already receiving antibiotics, this is for the pain," she said holding up the needle.

_'It helps,'_ echoed the ghost of Tobias.

Reid nodded and watched her deliver the pain relieving drug into his IV.

"There!" she said as she gave his arm a gentle pat. "You should be feeling the effects of that very soon,"

"Thank you," Reid croaked out.

He suddenly became aware of how dry his throat was. The nurse poured him a glass of water. She held it up to his mouth.

"Take small sips. Your friends are here, they've been waiting to see you, shall I send them in?" she asked.

Reid began to feel a sweet familiar warmth spreading through his body, soon it would completely envelope him, how he had missed it.

He smiled up at the nurse. "Sure, send them in."

&&&&&&&&&&

The team entered Reid's room as if they were all walking on eggshells. Tthey were more than a little surprised when they were greeted by Reid sitting up in his bed with a big smile on his face.

"Hi Guys." he said.

"Reid, you look better than I thought you would, how are you feeling?" asked Rossi.

"Like someone shot me...again," he answered.

Prentiss made her way to the bed and gave him a gentle hug." I'm sorry," she said simply.

He looked at her perplexed."Why?"

She just smiled at him and gave his hand a squeeze.

Hotch studied his young agent's face and decided he must still be under the effects of the anesthesia, he was just too calm and a little dopey too.

"Reid, You should be back at work in a week or two depending on what the bureau's doctors say. The rest of us will be heading back tomorrow. Morgan has volunteered to stay here til you're released and drive you back,"

"You'll do anything to get time off wont you?" joked Morgan.

"Uh huh," Reid said dreamily, the narcotic in his system was in full effect now. His body felt numb and tingly and there was no pain anywhere.

"How's your head?" asked JJ.

Reid put his hand up to his head and felt it. "My head? it's right here," He furrowed his brow wondering why he was asked such an odd question.

Morgan had to stifle a grin, "Pretty boy, I think you should rest."

The team got up to leave "We'll stop by tomorrow before we go," said Hotch.

"Ok," Reid said unconcerned.

The team bade him goodbye as they filed out of the room. Once they left, he didn't think about them, his mind was free or so he thought. He wondered how he could convince this doctor to perscribe more of this drug for him. He felt he needed it ; he was shot after all. He felt like he was floating in space. Spencer closed his eyes and let himself be carried off to where ever his mind cared to take him.

It took him somewhere he didn't expect, he felt like he was back in the unsubs house, he remembered he hadn't even bothered to ask about the case. He could hear the voice again whispering in his ear saying.

_'Stay with me Reid, I love you,' _

He frowned, who loved him?

&&&&&&&&&&&

TBC.

AN:Sorry to take so long to update. Please read and review and thanks to those who have been reviewing. I appreciate and look forward to hearing your thoughts.


	8. Chapter 8

**The Dealer**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

'_Habit, if not resisted soon becomes necessity_.'~ Augustine of Hippo.

Spencer stood in the BAU kitchen and poured himself what was probably his eighth cup of coffee that day. He had been home from the hospital for over two weeks and back at work for four days. He had hoped the caffeine would stop his head from pounding and his body from breaking out into a cold sweat.

Before he left the hospital he had managed to charm the physician there into giving him 10 days worth of vicodin. The doctor advised him if he felt he needed more, to obtain a script from the Bureau's doctors. Reid knew this was not an option.

When he was feeling pain free and in the clear light of day, Reid told himself that it was better this way, he would be forced to wean himself off the drugs and so far he thought it was working out not too badly. He had divided up his pills into smaller dosages. It wasn't easy, his moods were difficult to control, he was sullen and snapping at people at work. What almost made it worse was how understanding everyone was being, which only made him feel guilty. His co-workers thought his snarkiness was the pain talking and Hotch wondered if he had come back to work too soon. Emily, out of a sense of misplaced guilt went out of her way to be kind to him and for reasons Reid really didn't understand, Rossi was especially soliticious. Fortunately JJ and Garcia hidden in their own offices didn't notice any strange behavior and neither did Morgan.

Reid went back to his desk and sat down. He glanced at his watch. There was only another 15 minutes to go and he could leave. There were two pills in his messenger bag he had not devided up yet and he was literally itching to get to them. He just had to hang on another 15 minutes. He tried to focus on the consult he was working on when Morgan came over to his desk.

"See ya tonight kid,"

Reid looked up at his friend a tad confused.

"Tonight, what do you mean tonight?" he asked.

Morgan shook his head "So much for an eidetic memory. Agent Kimble's sendoff. He's being transferred to the New York field office. A little goodbye get together at Abe's Bar and Bistro."

Reid inwardly cringed, he had completely forgot. "I'm sorry Morgan, I don't think I can go."

"C'mon kid, you don't have to do anything, have one drink and go. It's a big deal for Kimble, plus he likes you. You need to let your hair down a little and relax. " Morgan gave him one of his megawatt grins "We're all going,"

Red sighed, he wasn't going to win this one. "Ok, I'll have one drink, then I have to leave," He supposed one drink wouldn't hurt.

Going to Abe's bar wasn't as bad as Spencer thought it was going to be. The place was dark, crowded and noisy. He liked it; he felt he could sit there and just blend in with the upholstery. Hotch and JJ were the ones that didn't stay very long, they had wished Kimble well and dashed off to their respective loved ones. Garcia was whirling around the dance floor with Kevin. Reid found himself cosily ensconched in a booth between Prentiss and Rossi. The two of them had insisted on paying for his drinks. Reid didn't mind, in fact the slight buzz he was getting from the alcohol relaxed him and made the sensation of insects crawling under his skin subside. He merely sat quietly and listened to them argue with Morgan on who would win the Stanley cup this year. It was rather soothing in it's way.

Kevin and Garcia came back from the dance floor sweaty and exhausted and flopped into their chairs .Morgan leaned over and half yelled over the music.

"Who's up for another round?"

Garcia peered down her empty glass, "I guess I am," she said.

"I could handle another" said Kevin.

Rossi looked at his Scotch "I'm good."

Me too," added Prentiss, holding up her glass of wine. Reid stared at his almost empty brandy snifter and debated whether he should indulge in another.

Morgan stood. "I only have two hands folks, Reid come with me,"

Reid shrugged good naturedly and joined Morgan. The two squeezed their way through the crowded dance floor to the equally crowded bar. Morgan ordered another round while Spencer waited patiently behind him. He stood, hands in his pockets slightly swaying to the beat of the music. He was enjoying himself. A woman sat on a barstool in front of him .He stared at the back of her head, for some reason, she looked familiar He could tell without seeing her face that she was a young woman. She was petite with a slim figure. Her short dark brown hair curled around her neck, he heard her laugh at something. The laugh was like a punch in the gut.

Suddenly Reid felt extremely unwell, he had an urge to run away. He wanted to get away from this woman and this bar as fast as he could. As luck would have it, she began to turn around in her barstool, almost as if she knew he was there. She recognized him instantly, even though she had not laid eyes on him in over two years A slow smile spread over her face. He could almost feel her dark gimlet eyes boring holes into his skull.

"Spencer," she purred, She had one of those raspy voices that some men found sexy.

He felt like he was rooted to his spot on the floor.

"Hi," he said. His voice barely a squeak.

"It's been a long time," she said. She reached out and ran her small elegantly manicured hand gently down his tie.

Spencer closed his eyes and remembered.

_she raked her nails down his bare chest and whispered in his ear. 'Is this what you wanted?' _

_Spencer leaned his head against the back of the old sofa and nodded yes. Deft fingers were undoing his belt buckle. He felt no shame or remorse. He needed this release._

_He felt her hot breath on his neck 'We'll make it all better,' she breathed. _And she did.

"Reid!" Morgan's voice brought him back to the present.

Reid opened his eyes to find Morgan sticking a drink in his hand. The woman in front of him smiled slightly her eyes darting over to Morgan for a moment, then back to him.

"I've missed you." she said ignoring the quizzical looks from Morgan.

Spencers throat felt so dry he could barely respond. "I've been busy," he said huskily.

"Hey kid, I''l handle these," Morgan said, nodding to the drinks he was carrying."take your time," he smiled and arched his eyebrows at Reid.

Morgan sidled his way through the crowd, set down the drinks at their table and slid into the booth beside Prentiss.

"Didn't you forget something or someone?" said Prentiss, looking around for Reid.

"Nope, my man is gettin busy with a lady over there. It seems like he ran into an old flame," He nodded toward the bar.

Four pairs of eyes peered over to the bar. They saw a very nervous Reid talking to an attractive brunette.

"Ooh this is good." gushed Garcia. who turned her chair around to get a better view.

"Why do you think it's an old flame," asked Prentiss.

"Because she knew his name, said she missed him," replied Derek.

Emily frowned, "He doesn't look very happy," she said.

"Sometimes running into an old girlfriend is not much fun." said Rossi with a smirk.

The group watched as the woman slid off the barstool, gave Reid a pat on the cheek and left the bar. Reid stood there for a moment as though he had forgotten how to walk and then finally he slowly walked back to the booth. He had been aware of everyone watching him and was certain questions were going to be asked. His brain instantly came up with a plausible cover story. The truth was out of the question.

He took a big swig of his drink before he sat down. All eyes turned to him.

Garcia was the first to ask, "Reid, have you been holding out on us? Was that an old girlfriend my sweet?"

Reid shook his head and tried to sound blase "No, not at all, far from it,"

"Ah c'mon kid, I heard her say it had been a long time and she missed you." said Morgan with a grin.

_It had been a long time, the last time he saw her was the same night he had found Gideon's letter._

"So she's just a friend then," said Prentiss.

Reid feigned exasperation with the questions.

"Really guys, she saw me lecture at Georgetown once or twice, I just haven't been there in a long time. there's no story here,"

He gave them a fake smile.

Garcia looked disappointed, kevin took her hand and kissed it "Care to dance?" he said. She nodded yes. and once again they whirled away onto the dance floor.

The rest of the team weren't really sure if they believed him or not but they left it alone. His body language belied his casual tone. He had been through a lot the last couple of weeks and thought they should keep their teasing to a minimum. Rossi changed the subject and soon he and Morgan were in a debate regarding the salaries of professional athletes.

Reid breathed a sigh a relief he was no longer the topic of interest. He knew he wasn't a particularly good liar and they were exceptional profilers.

He slipped his hand into his messenger bag and felt around for the two vicodin he knew were in there. His fingers found them. There was one thing he _was_ incredibily good at and that was his sleight of hand. The two pills were hidden behind his fingers as he casually pretended to stifle a yawn. He slipped the tablets into his mouth and washed them down with his brandy. He looked around the table and saw that no one was any the wiser. Prentiss looked his way and gave him a brief smile. He smiled back. Already he could feel the calming effects of the drugs.

He thought about what they had asked him, it was almost laughable. That woman was not a old girlfriend nor was she a friend.

she was someone he hoped never to see again.

She used to be his dealer. His provider of dilaudid.

TBC.

AN: It has been difficult to write lately but I am hoping to get updates sooner. Please read and review.

Thank you


	9. Chapter 9

**Suspicion**

I do not own Criminal Minds.

_'Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind'_ ~William Shakespeare.

They weren't sure what happened, they just knew it happened very fast. One minute they were sitting at a booth in a bar having a drink, the next minute Spencer Reid was flopped over sideways face first into Prentiss's lap.

Derek Morgan leaned over the table, almost as surprised as Emily.

"Whoah Reid, what the hell?"

Emily, feeling a trifle embarassed with Reid's head in her lap, attempted to push him back up into a sitting position.

"Some help here guys! " she said.

Rossi grabbed Reid's shoulders and pulled him upright. He snapped his fingers in front of Reid's face. Reid opened one eye, hiccuped and promptly proceeded to fall over into Rossi's lap.

"Holy crap, he's absolutely smashed, when did this happen?" Rossi exclaimed.

Prentiss leaned down and looked at him incredulously."Smashed on just two drinks, how is that possible?"

Morgan shrugged."I guess it's his body weight and the fact that he doesn't eat much. You two should take him home."

"Us? I thought you were his designated big brother," said Emily.

Morgan smiled, "Usually I am, but tonight I have to drive Fred and Ginger here home," He pointed to Garcia and Kevin who were still burning up the dance floor with no sign of stopping any time soon.

Rossi rolled his eyes,"Fine, Prentiss are you in?"

Prentiss answered by standing up and slinging Reid's messenger bag over her shoulder. The two agents took hold of their younger colleague by his armpits and hauled him to his feet. They then proceeded to march his semi-concious form out of the bar.

It wasn't easy to get Reid's long lanky body into the back of Rossi's SUV, but somehow they managed. Prentiss climbed into the back with him. Rossi kept anxiously checking in his rear view mirror as they drove.

"Remember, if he looks like he's about to puke, tell me and I'll pull over." Rossi said.

Emily shot him a hard look. "Don't worry I will, I wasn't planning on wearing barf home tonight," she said Drily. She knew Rossi was worried about his car upholstery. Sometimes his preoccupation with his _things _irritated her. Anal retentive indeed.

Thirty uneventful minutes later, Prentiss and Rossi were half dragging their drunken friend into his apartment. They found his bedroom and deposited him crossways across the bed. Prentiss went to the kitchen.

Reid murmured and opened his eyes, Rossi bent over to talk to him.

"Reid you're home now, you should sleep it off, ok,"

Spencer merely blinked at him, his vision hazy. He was disoriented, it seemed only moments ago he was at Kimbles send off party.

"David ?" he said weakly. He reached up and patted the older man on the head.

Rossi swatted his hand away, not sure whether to be annoyed or amused.

"Dr Reid, you cannot hold your liquor." Rossi stated

Prentiss returned to the bedroom with a large glass of water. She looked down at Spencer sprawled out on the bed.

"Rossi, we just can't leave him like this." she said.

"No, I guess not," he grabbed Reid by the arms and pulled him into a sitting position. He and Emily sat down on either side, Emily held the water glass up to his mouth.

"Reid! " Rossi said loudly, "Emily wants you to drink the water."

Spencer turned his head towards her, she held the glass as he sloppily gulped down the water.

"Reminds me of my dog." Rossi commented.

"Shh, be nice," she made sure he drank most of it.

"That's good," she said, pulling the glass away from him. He continued to stare at her, water still dripping down his chin.

"You're really pretty," Reid told her.

"Why is it I only get compliments from drunks and unsubs?" Emily said as she wiped the water off his face.

"You smell nice, like... laundry that's been hung outside to dry," Reid continued, slightly slurring his words.

"Alright smooth talker we're gonna get you ready for bed," Rossi said.

Spencer turned to face Rossi and grinned. "Ok mom, are you going to tuck me in too?" he said with a giggle.

Rossi ignored him and pushed him down on his back. "Prentiss, you take off his shirt, I'll get the pants and shoes."

Reid barely moved as they set about undressing him. Emily quickly pulled off his jacket and undid the buttons on his shirt. He wore a t-shirt underneath, as she pulled his arms out of his dress shirt, she quickly checked the insides of his elbows. She was visibly relieved to see his arms free of any recent scars or track marks, he was just drunk after all.

Rossi had been busy tugging Reid's shoes and pants off and hadn't noticed Emily's hurried inspection. He tried to move Reid to a more comfortable position and saw the young man wince with pain as he handled him by his shoulder. He was about to make a comment to Emily when he saw her staring at Reid's injured knee. The part where the bullet had gone in was stilll a little angry looking and criss crossed with surgery scars. He hadn't seen the actual injury before and realized the damage was a lot more extensive than Reid had ever let on.

Rossi felt guilt wash over him again and thought about that damn ditch. What had he been thinking.

Emily picked a blanket up off the end of the bed and covered Reid with it, making sure to tuck it firmly around his body.

"Looks young, doesn't he? she said as the two stared down at the still sleeping form.

"Yeah, he certainly does," Rossi agreed. His voice tinged with sadness.

"Let's go," she whispered. Emily turned off the bedroom light and the two quietly left Reid's apartment. Both were silent, seemingly lost in their own thoughts until Rossi thought he heard a voice from inside the apartment

"Did you hear that?" he asked Prentiss as he stopped to listen. Prentiss stopped as well. They were quiet for a moment.

"I thought I did, must be from another apartment," she said.

The two left the building.

Reid groggily turned over in his bed, his brain mired somewhere in the thick fog that was produced by mixing alcohol and vicodin. He recalled Emily and Rossi being there. There was something he had to tell one of them, what was it? then he remembered.

"I love you too!" he called out.

He started to drift off to sleep again. Reid stretched out his good leg and kicked his jacket off the bed. A small white card fell out of his jacket pocket and fluttered to the floor. A card with the name and number of the woman at the bar.

TBC.

AN: A shorter chapter this time but I hope you like it. Please read and review. Thank you for all the other great reviews in the previous chapters


	10. The Craving

**The Craving**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

_'We desire most what we ought not to have'_ ~ Publilius Syrus

xxx

It had been a week since Prentiss and Rossi had taken a drunken Reid home from Agent kimble's farewell party. For most of the week he took a good ribbing about it from his team mates. He didn't really mind since he was used to being teased and he felt like he had gotten away with something. He was relieved to discover that everybody thought he was just a lightweight who couldn't handle his liquor instead of the truth, which was he had been stoned on a mixture of vicodin and alcohol. It was not lost on him that he had made a dangerous error, he could have ended up in an ER.

Seeing_ her _again had knocked him for a loop. The timing of it was bizarre to say the least.

His plan to wean himself off the drugs had taken a detour. For the next few days he tried to ration what was left of his vicodin, but it was no use, there wasn't enough. He realized he was off his game, Prentiss had beat him at poker, which never happened. He was secretly relieved when Morgan didn't want to share a hotel room with him in Alaska. He was able to lock the door and enjoy the last bit of his drug in relative privacy.

His next setback was just around the corner. It was as if something were conspiring for him to go back to drugs. The next case involved an unsub who liked to record his murders and post them on the internet. It hit a bit too close to home for him. He felt like he had to vomit when he saw that poor woman lying on the floor while the unsub choked the life out of her.

He knew, really_ knew_ exactly how she felt before the end. It sickened him and all he wanted to do was forget, to rid his mind of that memory and all the other horror shows that seemed to be permanetly etched in his brain. Suddenly vicodin and percocet weren't good enough. They were merely pale stand ins for what he really craved. He wanted dilaudid and lots of it, a lifetime supply. He missed it like one would miss a lover. He wanted it to surround him with it's warmth, to wrap itself around him and make everything go away, the memories and the pain that came with them. It was the only thing that ever really did make it all go away.

_'Tell me it doesn't help,'_ he heard the soft voice of Tobias say.

"It's the _only_ thing that helps," Reid whispered to himself.

xxx

The jet ride home was tedious. He wasn't up for cards or conversation. He noticed Prentiss eyeing him every once in a while. Sometimes he really wished she would mind her own business. He was not a puzzle for her to solve.

Morgan dropped him off at his building. Reid thanked him and hurried to his apartment. He wasted no time in looking for more drugs. He thought maybe he had some vicodin or percocet left somewhere. He searched everywhere, the more he looked the more frantic and frustrated he became. He pulled open kitchen drawers and cupboards. In the livingroom, seatcushions came flying off the couch and armchairs in hope something might have fallen inside the furniture. He was out of breath and panicked; the cravings were getting stronger and he didn't know how he'd manage to last the night if he didn't have something. He rushed to the bathroom and started pulling apart the cabinets tossing everything on the floor.

He thought about the old bottle of dilaudid he'd kept from the store room, he remembered that in a moment of strength he'd tossed it in the trash. He had kept the needles. He briefly wondered what that really mean't then decided he really didn't care. He felt so overcome by frustration he wanted to cry.

A memory flashed across his brain. He recalled one time; he had been in such a rush to put his pills back in his messeger bag, he hadn't closed the lid properly and half of them had spilled out. He retrieved the pills that had fallen out but then again maybe he hadn't got all of them. He ran to the kitchen and unceremoniously dumped the contents of the bag on the floor. His heart sank when he didn't see the pills. Spencer hung his head and tried to catch his breath. Resigned to the pain he knew he was going to feel, he slowly began to return his things to the bag.

That was when he saw it. His heart leapt, there in amongst his pens and notebooks were tiny pieces of pills and fine white powder. What pills had fallen into the bag had been crushed by the contents. He was so relieved he could have wept.

Reid picked up a piece of a tablet and swallowed it dry, then wetting his finger he picked up the crushed particles and put them in his mouth. He had no idea of how much he was ingesting. He looked in his bag again and saw more residue of broken tablets, he smiled.

After a few minutes he started to relax. He figured going to bed was the best idea. He stood up suddeny and then promptly fell down again. He looked up to see what had hit him and realized he had just slammed his face into an open cupboard door. The absurdity of the situation struck him. He started to laugh. he laughed so hard that tears rolled down his face

xxx

David was worried about Reid. The case they had just worked on was disturbing but seemed even more so for Reid. He sensed there was some secret among the team that he was not privy to. On the jet, Rossi had started to discuss the video taped victims when Hotch silenced him with a look that only Hotch could give. Reid had been especially quiet on the return flight, even pretending to sleep at times.

Reid might appear to be some kind of hot house flower but Rossi knew that was the furthest thing from the truth. Underneath that veneer of pale skinny buttoned down nerdiness was a core of steel.

His gut told him he should check on Reid. He picked up his cel and called him, the call went directly to voice mail. He then decided that a visit to the young profiler would not be out of order. He went outside, got into his car and drove to Reid's apartment.

xxx

TBC.

AN: Poor Reid! Please read and review.


	11. Chapter 11

**Defeat**

**I do not own Criminal minds: Nope.**

_'Guilt is anger directed at ourselves'~ _Peter McWilliams.

It wasn't a long Drive from Rossi's home to Spencer's apartment. Rush hour traffic was over and David found himself at Reid's door only 35 minutes later. He didn't hear any noise coming from inside, no television or music playing. He knocked on the door and waited. When there was no answer, he waited and knocked again. He tried the door knob and discovered the door wasn't locked. He made a mental note to tell Reid how dangerous it was to leave your home unlocked. In any case it didn't stop Rossi from letting himself in. He was shocked at what he saw. The whole place looked like it had been ransacked. books and cushions and papers were strewn all over the floor. He called Reid's name and there was no answer, he was beginning to feel alarmed. He drew his gun from the holster and tentatively stepped into the living room. He heard a noise from the kitchen.

"Reid?" he called out again; this time a familiar voice answered back.

"Rossi?"

Rossi hurried to the kitchen and was surprised to find a rather groggy Reid sitting on the floor, his back up against the stove holding a can of beer against his face.

Rossi knelt down in front of him. "Reid, what the hell happened here, are you alright?"

Reid stared up at the older man a little confused. He actually had been asleep, he remembered hitting his face on the cupboard door and then getting a cold can of beer to hold against it since he was out of ice. He also remembered he took a uncertain amount of pills, but this he wasn't planning to share with Rossi

"What do you mean?" he asked as he sat holding the can over his eye

"Holy shit Reid, your apartment looks like it was torn apart by wolves and I find you sitting on the floor like..." Rossi didn't finsh, for Spencer lowered his hand from his face and David saw what was the beginning of a substantial black eye.

"Reid, who did this to you?" Rossi gasped.

Reid was too sleepy to think of a lie. He frowned at the man in front of him like he had lost his mind.

"What are you talking about?"

"C'mon kid, I think I need to take you to a hospital," he took Reid by the arm and tried to pull him into a standing position. Reid jerked his arm away crossly and stood up on his own. Rossi took ahold of him again and tried to steer him towards the door. Reid pushed him away and ended up stumbling backward.

"Rossi, stop it, nothing is wrong, I'm fine," Spencer snapped, he resented being handled.

"Oh really, I think your apartment and your face says otherwise," David snapped back.

"Reid took a long slow look around his apartment "_Oh shit.'_ he thought. He had almost forgot his rather frantic search for drugs. He moved into the living room and turned to face his co-worker.

"Umm, I did this, I was looking for something, you know how it is, How you can go crazy looking for something?" He tried to explain.

"And what about your face?" asked Rossi, not buying his explanation for a second.

"I hit it on a cupboard door," Reid said quietly, even to him this sounded stupid and this part was the truth. He replaced the cushions on the couch and sat down. He pulled the tab on the beer and downed some of it.

Rossi came and sat down beside him and looked intently at his face. He saw dried tear stains and he noticed Reid's pupils were slightly dialated. He wondered just how many beers Reid had already drank. This was the second time he had found Reid drinking alone.

Rossi decided to soften his approach. He gently put his hand on Reid's arm. "Look Reid, I know this is none of my business..."

"That's right, it isn't," Reid interupted.

"I just want to say if your're having some sort of problem, you can always talk to me, or it doesn't have to be me. Morgan or Prentiss are always there for you, you know that.,"

Reid took another swig of his beer and turned to look at his well meaning friend."Rossi, please go home, you can't help, just go home." Reid pleaded.

Rossi couldn't let it go. "Is it money?, if you need money I have more than I know what to do with."

Reid could see that Rossi's concern was sincere. He forced himself to look him in the eye.

"I don't need money, I'm just having a bit of a problen right now with a few things" Reid told him.

David nodded, "Yes, Hotch told me,"

Reid looked at him sharply "What?"

"He told me about your Mom and your knee still giving you problems,"

Reid took a deep breath, "Yes, that's right, among other things," he couldn't help adding.

Rossi studied the young man's profile "Are you having relationship problems?" He knew very little about Reid's private life but that didn't mean he didn't have one.

Reid almost smiled. "You might say that,"

"Who hit you?" he asked quietly.

Spencer fell back against the cushions and groaned. "Nobody hit me, I hit my face on a kitchen cabinet door."

Rossi stood and turned to Reid. "That excuse is practically out of the abused spouse's handbook."

Reid jumped up suddenly to face him "Shit David, I am not an abused spou..." this time he didn't get to finish what he was saying because the combination of beer mixed with drugs, plus a lack of food and an unco-operative knee made the room tilt and spin. He found himself falling straight into Rossi's arms.

Rossi grabbed the young profiler around the waist and held on. Reid grasped Rossi's shoulders and clung to him. The room was still spinning. He closed his eyes tight and tried to will it to stop.

The two men stood there like that for several moments. Reid rested his head on Rossi's shoulder, the urge to vomit was strong. He waited til the world stilled and he pushed himself away from the older man. "Got up too fast," he mumbled.

Rossi felt at a loss, what ever was bothering Reid, he wasn't ready to talk about it. Rossi felt he had pushed enough boundaries for tonight.

"Ok, I'll go, if you feel you're ok to be alone." he said.

"Yes, I'm ok, please stop worrying about me," Reid said wearily. He wished he had more pills to take. He plunked back down on the couch.

David stepped over the mess on the floor and let himself out. Coming over hadn't helped anything. Only now there were more questions and no answers.

xxx

Hotch was surprised to find Rossi sitting in his office first thing in the morning. Rossi usually liked to barricade himself in his office until he had at least two cups of coffee.

"Morning Dave, what's up?" Hotch asked knowing there had to be a reason for the serious look on his friend's face.

"I need to talk to you about Reid."

Hotch frowned, this was the second time Rossi expressed concern over their youngest profiler. He sat down across from Dave.

"Alright , what is it?" he asked.

"Rossi leaned forward. "I noticed how strange Reid was acting after our last case, so I went over to his apartment last night."

Hotch's eyes widened in surprise."You did what?"

Rossi put his hand up. "Let me finish, I went over and his place was a mess, he was sitting on the floor with a beer and I think he was drunk,"

Hotch sat back in his chair and sighed, he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. He couldn't figure out why Dave was acting this way. He wasn't happy to hear Reid was drinking too much, but he was a grown man and off duty, therefore it wasn't really their business if he cared to tie one on after a hard day.

"Dave, what's going on?You've been fretting like some strange mother hen over Reid for weeks now. It's you I'm starting to worry about.

Is there something going on I'm not aware of?"

Rossi was about to deny that he was behaving differently but one look into Aaron's eyes told him it was useless to try to lie to him. He was too good a profiler and too good a friend.

"Ok, yeah a while ago I did something that's been bothering me, I feel guilty and stupid," and then he began telling Hotch about making Reid go down that ditch and ignoring his calls for help afterward.

Hotch scowled at him "That wasn't good Dave,"

"Yeah I know that now."

Hotch leaned across his desk to speak to the older man, "First of all, Reid's a grown man, I think you should let yourself off the hook a little, I can almost guarantee you that his behavior last night had nothing to do with you and everything to do with the last case we were on."

Rossi's curiousity was piqued. "Really, how so?"

Hotch took a deep breath and wondered how much he should tell about Reid and Tobias Henkle.

"A few years ago there was this case in Georga." he began.

"Hotch!"

The two men looked up to see JJ standing in the doorway, files in her hand.

"We have a case." she said."

Hotch nodded and the two men followed JJ into the conference room.

xxx

Reid entered the club from the sunlit street. It was so dark inside he had to remove his sunglasses just so see where he was going. It had been quite a long time since he had been here. It was even dingier than he remembered. A part of him wanted to walk out the door and never look back but he knew he couldn't, he wouldn't, because she was there. She was at her usual table with her usual group of friends. She saw him almost immediately. She left her friends and practically glided across the floor to meet him. He sat down at a nearby booth, he was nervous, he hadn't done this in so long and he was also plagued by the guilt of calling in sick to work.

His hands shook and his knee ached. She sat down beside him, much too close his personal space invaded.

"Spencer" she purred. "Tell me what you need baby."

TBC.

AN: Reid is in you for all the wonderful reviews last chapter. It is great to get feedback on stories. Please Read and review.


	12. Chapter 12

**The Drug**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal MInds, if i did, no way would AJ and Paget be leaving the show.

_'Danger brings fears, and fears more dangers bring'~ _Richard Baxter

xxx

Spencer opened hs mouth to speak but no words came out. He suddenly felt like he had a mouth full of cotten. He stared into her unblinking green eyes, his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.

Her plump lips curled into a knowing smile; she reached out and placed one delicate finger on his lips.

"Shh, it's ok baby, I think I know what you need," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

She stood in front of him and held out her hand.

"C'mon, we'll go to my place."

Reid shook his head. "No," he choked out.

_'Not again'_ he thought.

She tilted her head and stared at him as if she were studying some odd curiousity at a musuem.

"Baby, you don't think I carry this stuff around with me, do you ?"

He shook his head again and spoke, not meeting her eyes.

"No, it's just that last time I ...we..."

She gave an exasperated sigh. "Baby, we were both high, forget it."

Reid wished he could but his shame was as raw as if it had happened yesterday, which only made his cravings worse.

"Alright," he said in a husky voice "let's go,"

With out so much as a glance at him, she turned and walked out of the bar. Spencer felt like everything in his being was screaming at him not to go. Still, he followed her like a lost puppy.

xxx

Her apartment was small. smaller than he remembered. It was neat and orderly and tastfully furnished; not at all what one would expect a drug dealers home to look like.

"Sit down," She ordered.

Reid sat down on the small sofa. It was the same sofa as before where she had... no he wouldn't think about that.

"Here," she said. She sat down in a chair opposite him and handed him two full vials.

"The price has gone up." she said. She was all business now.

Reid nodded and handed her the cash she asked for. He stuffed the vials into his jacket pocket. They felt good in his hand, smooth and cool to the touch.

The girl leaned back in her chair and lit a cigarette. She studied her client, her eyes narrowing.

"I thought I'd see you again." she said.

"You did?"

"Yes, that night at the bar when you were with your friends. You had that look."

"What look?"Reid asked, curious.

"Of.. Oh I don't know, quiet desperation as they say. Maybe the desperation couldn't stay quiet any longer huh?"

Reid just wanted to get out; he had what he wanted. He needed to get away from her. He stood and walked towards the door, she got up and followed him.

"Thanks," He mumbled.

She smirked and reached out to him and stroked the inside of his arm.

"Do you want me to do it for you? I could show you another way, where the marks wont be so obvious." She offered.

Reid was surprised to find that his mouth was watering.

"No it's ok," He managed to say.

She backed away. "Suit yourself baby."

She took a deep drag of her cigarette and watched him hurry down the hall.

"See ya later baby," She whispered.

xxx

The first thing Spencer did when he arrived back at his apartment was race to the bathroom. He tore off his shirt. He wasn't going to give himself time to think this over. He felt seized by emotions of both elation and fear. There was no doubt now, he was going to do this. He licked his lips. He found the syringes and rubber tubing, with shaking hands he expertly wrapped the rubber tubing around his arm. and filled the amount he desired into the syringe. He would do a small dose at first, just something to take the edge off. He found a vein and slid the needle in

Reid waited and then there it was. That delicious creeping warmth spreading throughout his entire body. He smiled stupidly and stumbled backward until his back met the wall. He looked in the mirror and grinned at his reflection. His black eye was now purplish and painful looking. He didn't feel a thing.

"I did it," He said out loud.

Reid stumbled to his bedroom and fell onto his bed. He lay staring at the ceiling. He unbuckled his belt and pushed his pants off. The room was getting so hot.

This stuff was good he thought. Not at all like Tobia's who liked to cut his with a psycedelic.

He wasn't surprised he was geting some high grade stuff. He knew the dealers always gave the good stuff at first, They wanted return costumers. The crap came later.

Spencer felt strangely turned on. He ignored it. The real pleasure was the sensation or rather the lack of it he felt. He exhaled and closed his eyes and soon he was fast asleep.

xxx

Rossi stretched his long legs in front of him and barely missed kicking Morgan in the shin. Morgan sat on the jet seat, his earplugs in and eyes closed. Prentiss sat beside him, her head down, bent over a book. In other words , both profilers were in their usual positions after returning from a gruesome case. It had been a easy one considering they had caught the unsub in two days, however seeing the victims and the damage done was never routine

JJ and Hotch were at the other end of the plane. Reid had called in sick a couple of days ago. Something that was almost unheard for him. Everyone found this unusual since he rarely missed a day unless it was something serious, _like getting shot or infected with Anthrax_. Rossi was worried. He didn't want to take his concerns to Hotch, since Hotch was starting to think Dave was developing a fixation with Reid. He gave an audible sigh.

Morgan opened his eyes and looked at the older profiler.

"You ok Dave? you look like you got something on your mind" He asked as he pulled his earbuds out.

"I'm thinking about Reid being away and why," Dave answered honestly.

Morgan shrugged "Yeah he must have something really nasty to keep him away from the job,"

Dave debated whether he should confide in Morgan. Morgan cared alot about Spencer and perhaps knew him better than most. He decided to risk it .

"Morgan, do you know if Reid is in any kind of relationship," Rossi asked.

Derek was surprised by the question. "No, not that I know of, of course Reid is a pretty private guy. I suppose he could be. Why do you ask?"

Rossi plunged ahead. "Well, I was at his place a few nights ago, he wasn't expecting me. He was drunk, his place was a shambles and he had a black eye."

Morgans eyes widened "Are you kidding me?"

"No I'm not, he wouldnt admit it but I think someone hit him and that's the reason he's away,"

Prentiss put down her book and gave up all pretence of reading. "What was his explanation?"

"He said he hit his face on a cupboard door,"

Morgan and Prentiss exchanged looks.

"And you think some girlfriend came in and beat him up," said Prentiss.

"Girlfriend or boyfriend," said Rossi.

"Now wait a minute Rossi, Reid is straight," said Morgan.

"You know that for sure?" Rossi asked.

"I'm fairly sure," answered Morgan.

"Guys, that's hardly the point, nobody should be using Reid as a punching bag,"said Prentiss.

"Not if I can help it," said Morgan grimly.

Prentiss felt uneasy discussing Reid behind his back. "Look there's always the possibility he may be telling the truth," She said looking at both men.

"I hope so, or somebody is going to be on the receiving end of some serious ass kicking," Grumbled Derek. Rossi and Prentiss nodded in agreement.

Hotch could be heard clearing his throat several seats down. Had he heard their conversation?

The three profilers didn't discuss Reid for the rest of the flight home.

xxx

TBC

AN: I was seized by a terrible case of writers block after I heard about AJ Cook and Paget Brewster. I know, I'm a big wuss. But finishing this chapter helped. I hope to start updating read and review and enjoy.


	13. Chapter 13

**Afraid**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

_'Oh what a tangled web we weave , when first we practice to deceive'_ ~Walter Scott.

xxxxxx

Spencer woke up, he found himself lying crossways on his bed still half dressed. His head throbbed from lack of food and liquids. He sat up and looked around his room. He saw his drug sitting innocently on his bedside table along with the rubber tubing and syringe. He felt the usual feelings of defeat and self hatred rise up from his belly when he saw them. He felt something else too. There was another part of him, a secret part, that felt relieved, that didn't care. He no longer had to fear falling, because he already had.

Reid stretched out his arm and inspected the small red dots on the crook of his elbow. _'No short sleeve shirts today' _he mused. There was another way to inject himself that didn't leave such obvious telltale track marks, skin popping he believed it was called. He had to look into it. He huffed a laugh at the way his brain could be so casual about it., Like he was only comtemplating trying a different brand of coffee. It was funny and sad at the same time.

Something wet was on his face, a tear. He wiped it away. He hadn't even realized that he had been crying.

Guilt was a terrrible thing. It could eat away at you like a flesh eating virus. The guilt he felt was not because he had injected himself with a dangerous narcotic for the last three days, but because he had pretended to his team and others that he was sick and couldn't come in to work. Garcia had even called and offered to bring him some chicken soup. That was the final straw. He had to go back today. Reid decided he would go back to work and he would stay busy. That's all he needed. He figured he had indulged himself long enough. His black eye was fading and he would leave the drugs at home. Spencer felt a tug of anxiety at the very thought of being without it,._'Fine'_ he thought. He would allow himself one small hit and then go to work. Pleased with the bargaining he just did and renewed confidence, he began to tell himself he would be able to wean himself off it, after all, he had done it once before.

_'Statistics are against it' _a voice inside his head whispered. He ignored it.

He pushed himself off the bed and stumbled into the bathroom. Reid looked at himself in the mirror _'I look passably normal'_ He thought.

He would shower and shave, have some coffee and of course, shoot up.

xxxxx

By 10am that morning Reid found himself sitting with his team on the BAU jet headed to Los Angeles. They had just finishing going over the case files with Hotch, now all they had to do was sit and wait til the plane landed.

There was a series of murders taking place in a part of town that was already riddled with anti-social criminal types. Reid was worried, he hadn't expected to be out of town the first day back. His dilaudid was at his apartment and they never really knew how long they were going to be gone. He felt fine now but if he started to go into withdrawal, well, that didn't even bear thinking about.

He tried to relax and rest for awhile but he thought he could feel the eyes of his team mates upon him. Everytime he opened his eyes it seemed one of them was staring at him and then they would quickly look away. It was beginning to get really irritating. He pretended to sleep.

"Hey Reid, pretty boy," said a deep voice across from him.

Reid blinked, "Wha What?"

"You ok kid?, you keep fidgeting all the time," asked Morgan.

"I'm fine," he said, closing his eyes again.

Morgan thought that Reid was a pretty crappy liar. The kid had seemed uptight the moment he walked into the office. Rossi had been correct; Reid was sporting a pretty sizable black eye.

"Hey Reid, you never did tell me how you got that shiner, and what the other guy looks like," Morgan asked trying to keep his tone light.

"He looks like my kitchen cupboard door," Reid said flatly.

Morgan caught the eye of Rossi and Prentiss and shrugged. Reid was not going to talk, at least not yet. He wanted to believe the cupboard door story and maybe that part was true but his experience as a profiler told him there was something else going on and it was big.

xxxxx

Three days had passed and they were still no closer to finding the unsub. It was like trying to find a needle in a stack of needles. Their profile was unsatisfying. People were being killed at the hands of a psychopath. Random disorganized killings that neither had a pattern or a motive. There was no sexual component, or any signs of trophy taking. The victims had no relation to each other in any way shape or form.

The team was frustrated but no one was more upset than Reid. By the end of the second day he thought he was about to go out of his mind. The only way he could sleep at night was to drink several mini bottles of scotch from his hotel room mini bar til he felt ready to pass out. His skin itched and he felt like he was going to upchuck at any moment. Reid was careful not to talk to anyone unless he had to. Prentiss would zero in on any unusual behavior instantly since she was the one who was in his line of fire the last time.

By the middle of the fourth day the team was sitting together at a conference table taking a short respite from the case. Exhaustion was setting in. The police chief had sandwiches and coffee brought in. JJ handed Reid his coffee and an egg salad sandwich. Reid's hands shook as he tried to unwrap the cellophane. He took a small bite and found he couldn't swallow, he began to gag. He spit the bite of egg salad into a napkin and made a tremendmous effort to not vomit on the table in front of everyone.

"Reid, are you alright?" asked a concerned Hotch. Without thinking he reached over and felt the young man's forehead in much the same way he would with Jack.

Reid sat still, liking the feel of the cool hand on his brow. He merely shook his head no in reply to Hotch's question.

The older man frowned, "You're burning up Reid. I'm going to get someone to take you back to the hotel. You can't work like this"

The rest of the team turned their attention to their youngest member who sat shivering and sweating at the end of the table.

"I think there's a bug going around," said the uniform cop who was standing nearby.

The Chief walked in and heard the last bit of conversation,"Yeah some type of damn flu I think . I'll get a uniform to drive him." He offered."No point in making everybody sick,"

"Thanks " said Hotch as he helped Reid stand up.

Normally Reid would balk at being sent back to the hotel but he was too relieved that they thought his condition was caused by a flu bug. He let himself be led out of the precinct and into a squad car.

"We're a man down now, we'll have to work even harder," Hotch said. He saw the worried expressons on the faces of his team "Don't worry , we're still going to check up on Reid"

xxxxx

"Thank you," Reid said as the officer dropped him off at the hotel. "I just need some sleep,"_ 'Or some dilaudid,' _he thought. Reid made his way to his room. It was a small hotel with a bar and a coffee shop. It was the best JJ could find that was near the precinct and not a complete hell hole. He went to his room and headed to the minibar. It was nearly empty. It seemed last night he had relieved the bar of all it's tiny bottles of brandy and scotch.. He silently cursed the maid who hadn't restocked it. Though there was still a bottle of wine and a couple of small bottles of gin. plus numerous bags of potato chips and candy bars

_"This will have to do'_ He thought. The alcohol didn't have the same effects as Dilaudid but it was a depressant. He just wanted to sleep, to get away from himself.

It was when he was halfway through the wine when he began to feel the effects of the alcohol. He was calmer and a bit sleepy. It wasn't helping his nausea but if he didn't move too much, his urge to vomit lessened. Reid kicked off his shoes and curled up on the bed, he pulled the blankets up to his chin. With considerable concentration he managed to fall asleep.

xxxxxx

Morgan, Prentiss and Rossi walked down the long hallway of the old hotel. Morgan rubbed the back of his neck and rolled his shoulders forward in an attempt to loosen up his stiff and tired muscles

Rossi smirked at him."Old age catching up with you Morgan," he joked.

Morgan cast his co-worker a dirty look, "No, sitting in that stuffy old building interviewing potential witnesses is catching up with me" he said.

"Well, I feel like a hundred. I just want to grab a bite and go straight to bed," Prentiss said with a yawn.

Rossi nodded his head in agreement. "Hotch is already headed to his room, though I'd bet money he's still studying the case file. If we're right with our profile, the unsub wont strike again til noon tomorrow. That much we seem to have figured out. Lets get a good night's sleep and approach this with fresh eyes first thing in the morning"

Morgan gestured towards Reid's room. "You think we should check on him?" he said to the others. They had called Reid earlier but when they realized they had just woke him from a sound sleep, they agreed not to bother him again.

"You know you wont be able to sleep if you dont" said Rossi, who was sometimes amused by the mother hen in Morgan.

Morgan arched an eyebrow at him. "Oh and you will?"

Prentiss rolled her eyes and stopped to knock on Reids door. "Reid, its Prentiss, are you up?" she called.

They waited a minute and there was no answer. She knocked again, this time much harder. They thought they heard some grumbling from the other side of the door. They heard the dead bolt being slid open and there in front of them stood a tousled blurry eyed Reid.

"Hi, " he said, swaying in the doorway.

"Hi Reid, can we come in for a second?" asked Emily.

Reid nodded and silently stepped aside. The three profilers went in the room and within seconds the state of the room told the story of what the young agent had been doing most of the afternoon.

Strewn across the bed were candy and potato chip wrappers along with three small empty bottles of liquor and a empty bottle of wine. The bed was a mess, as was Reid; his shirt was half buttoned and he still seemed to be in a semi sleep state. He plunked himself gracelessly on the bed and stared up at his colleagues with glassy eyes.

"So Reid, how are you feeling?" said Rossi.

Reid squinted up at him. "Umm, fine I guess."

"We were just going to get some food, we wondered if you wanted anything?" asked Prentiss.

Reid scratched his head, he was unsure if he was asleep and dreaming or his three friends were really standing in his room.. "No, not hungry." he replied.

Morgan looked at all the candy wrappers, "I can see why,"

"Huh?" uttered Spencer. He frowned at the wrappers on his bed as if he were seeing them for the first time.

"Nothing kid, we just wanted to see if you were alright and needed anything."

"Yeah I'm fine" He remembered his flu excuse "The rest really helped. thanks" he was beginning to wake up now and became aware of all the booze and junk food wrappers littering his bed. He started to gather them up.

"Sorry, I was too lazy to go out and get stuff," he explained. "You guys go ahead, you must be hungry, I'm going to go back to bed"

Spencer stared at them expectantly. They realized they were being dismissed.

"Ok kid, go to bed, get some rest, " said Morgan.

"And don't forget, we're just a few doors away if you need anything," added Rossi.

"Right, right, thanks." Reid just wanted them to go.

Prentiss didn't say anything as she left, but Reid noticed a peculiar expression on her face, like she was trying to figure out a difficult puzzle.

Spencer locked the door after them when they left . He could hear the murmur of their voices in the hallway. He thought they were talking about him but he wasn't sure. The one thing he was sure about was that he had to get out of here.

xxxxx

Spencer was careful when he left the hotel. He chose a side exit away from the coffee shop where his three colleagues might be having dinner. He just couldn't stand it anymore. The alcohol wasn't helping, if anything he thought it was making his cravings worse. The hangovers he suffered weren't worth the hour of feeling numb. he got from it.

It didn't take long before he found the place he was looking for. Back in the day, when he was first under the thrall of dilaudid, he would often scout ahead, do a little research, try to figure out what places could sell him what he needed just in case he was ever without. He never had to use that info but neither could he forget it and in a city as big as Los Angeles he had his pick of places to score.

He walked into a bar that was only a few blocks over from his hotel. The place was full of characters,straight out of central casting as Rossi liked to say. Several older men sat at the bar transfixed by a hockey game on tv. The bar was half full. he saw a few younger guys hanging out at the back near the pool table. Reid ordered a drink and sat near them. He wanted their attention, which wasn't hard since he was well aware he stuck out like a sore thumb in this particular venue.

Reid was fairly certain some of them were selling; he wanted them to know he was interested. He brought only cash with him. He left his ID and gun and badge back in the hotel safe. He watched two of the younger guys play pool. A tall surly looking one with a shaved head and an abundance of tattooos kept glancing his way. Reid gave him a sight nod. This was the one. The young man gave his friend a hard look and ambled over to where Spencer sat with his beer.

"What's up man?" he said.

"I'm here on business, " Reid replied.

"Yeah, buying or selling?." the man asked casually.

"Definitely buying" Reid answered. He knew this ridiculous banter was necessary but it made him feel like he was in a bad after school special.

"You a cop?"

Reid huffed a laugh,"No, are you?"

"So what's on your grocery list?"

"Vicodin," he said He didn't bother asking for dilaudid, dilaudid usually took longer to get, vicodin was easy and it would get him through the night, several nights if they didn't solve this case soon.

The man pretended to inspect the end of his cuestick."We'll meet you out back in 5 minutes, we can talk better there, finish your beer and walk out."

He left Reid and went back to the pool table . He spoke quietly to his friend for a minute and resumed his game.

Spencer couldn't finsh his drink fast enough. He chugged the beer, left a tip and headed out the door. This was easier than he thought. He saw the laneway leading to the back of the bar and headed down it. the darkness freaked him out a little. He stood near the rear doors. He wrinkled his nose at the various odours emanating from the nearby dumpster, stale urine and garbage. He was starting to get nervous when he saw the back door to the bar open. It was the guy he had spoken to earlier. He had a weird grin on his face; Reid wondered if he were high.

"Good, you're here. I have what you want, now first show me the money" The man ordered.

Without a second thought Reid reached for his wallet when all of a sudden he felt something hard and cold smash him in the back of the head. He was stunned, he fell to his knees, his palms stinging as they hit the gravel and dirt. He looked up at his assailant in surprise. He held up one hand.

"Wait... " He said weakly.

"Shut up" snarled the burly young man. Reid tried to raise himself up but he felt large hands grab him from behind and hold his arms back. The shaven headed man punched him hard in the gut. Reid felt the air being knocked out of him. He folded in half as his attacker took another hard swing at his face. He groaned in pain and fell back to his knees. The man's accomplice let him go and Spencer crumpled to the ground in pain. He couldn't fight back, He could hardly breathe. He felt hands rifling through his pockets. Through blurry eyes he watched as they emptied his wallet of several hundred dollars of cash. He cursed himself for his stupidity. His attackers noticed him staring at them and they each gave him a hard kick to the ribs. Reid called out in pain. They landed another kick to this head before they took off through the laneway, out to the street.

"So long asshole" he heard one yell, Their laughter was the last thing Spencer heard before he was overtaken by swirling blackness.

xxxxxx

To be continued...

AN: Oh I know this was a pretty violent end for poor Reid. I really hope to shorten the time between updates. Please read and review and let me know what you think. I enjoy reading your thoughts and opinions


	14. Chapter 14

**Where's Spencer?**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

_'When sense is wanting, everything is wanting_ ~ Benamin Franklin.

XXXXXX

Ashley Davis looked at her watch and sighed. It was nearly 2:30 am, She hated to be the one to close up the bar but the boss man was sick and had left early. At least Freddy was still here working and she had him to walk her home afterward. She had locked the doors, wiped the tables down and polished the bar. Boss man had already taken the till home with him. All she had left to do was put the garbage out into the bin out back. She looked at the large green bag with disgust.

"Hey Frederico, come take the trash out, then we can leave." she called.

Frederico appeared from the kitchen carrying an armload of clean beer steins. He raised his eyebrows at her.

"That's not my job, you do it," he said as he set down the heavy tray of glasses.

"But I'm a food server, it probably goes against some sanitation code or something,'' She saw his incredulous expression as he gestured around the empty room.

"I don't see anyone here to serve food to chica."

"Ok ok, It's dark and creepy out there and it stinks, please Freddy," she whined.

His lips twisted into a grin. He effortlessly hoisted the heavy bag over his shoulder and headed toward the back door..

"Fine, Miss scardy cat, just come hold the door open for me." he called over his shoulder to Ashley.

She laughed "What, are_ you _scared of the dark?"

"No, just last time I tripped on a rat, The rat wasn't stoked about it."

Ashley held the heavy door open as Freddy disappeared into the darkness. The mugginess of the night air hit her like a wall. They were having a heat wave in LA the last few days and the stench of the dumpster hung in the air like a big smelly hot wet dog. She heard Freddy give a startled yelp.

"Hey what's wrong, you trip on another rat?" she called out. He didn't answer right away:; the silence made her uneasy.

"Freddy, you still there?"

"Holy Shit!" Suddenly Freddy was right in front of her, a look of pure panic on his face. He grabbed her arm and pushed her inside.

"What's going on,what's wrong?" she said, starting to feel her own panic setting in.

Freddy took a deep breath "I think there's a dead guy out there!"

XXXXXX

Morgan left his hotel room thinking about Reid. It was 6:30 in the morning, far too early to be knocking on the guys door; especially if he were getting some much needed sleep. He looked down the hall towards Reid's room. He wasn't surprised to find he wasn't the only one who was a little worried, David Rossi was standing outside Reid's door.

"Hey Rossi, did you talk to Reid?" He said as he strode over to his fellow profiler.

Rossi looked up. "No, I was going to but it's too early."

Morgan nodded."That's what I thought. I'll call later if we're not out in the field,"

Rossi agreed "Let's grab a quick bite and head over to the station, Hotch is probably there already."

The two men headed toward the stairs and managed to miss Prentiss coming out of her room. She had the room directly across from Reid's. She stood staring at his door with the _'Do not disturb'_ sign on it.

Something felt off to her. She wanted to knock on his door and wake him up. Her brain argued that it was too early and to leave him alone. Her intuition, if that's what it could be called said something else. Why did she have this nagging feeling something was wrong? She felt it late last night when she had trouble sleeping. She kept dozing off and waking up and for the life of her, she wasn't sure if she had actually heard Reid leave his room last night or it was part of a dream she had. Deciding it was better to leave him be for now, she made herself ignore the mental debate that was going on in her head. There was an unsub out there killing people. This was what she was supposed to be concentrating on.

Emily gave herself a mental shake and went to meet up with her team mates.

XXXXX

Reid opened his eyes and quickly shut them again. It was far too bright. He could barely stand to look at the bright lights over his head. With his eyes closed he tried to deciper all the strange things he was feeling. Pain was certainly one of them, and he knew he was lying on his back as well. He was moving too, very fast, or was he swimming, his head certainly felt like it was swimming. Again he opened his eyes. It was still as bright but this time he could make out indistinct shapes swimming over him. One of the shapes began to speak.

"Hey there buddy, you're awake," a deep male voice said.

Reid tried to sit up and groaned as the pain in his head and ribs forced him to lie down again.

"Where, where where...?" he said thickly, unable to put his thoughts into words.

"Take it easy" said the kind male voice.

Reid felt a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Hotch?" he said hopefully

"Are you Hotch?" said the man.

Reid shook his head causing the pain to hit him again. He was aware of something cold and metal on his chest. The male voice spoke again.

"Alright, you're in an ambulance, we're taking you to a county hospital. A couple of kids who work in a bar found you on the ground out back.

You've been beaten up pretty bad. Do you remember anything?"

Reid wanted to answer the man but when he lifted his head to speak he was hit by a monster wave of nausea and vomited over the side of the gurney.

"I guess that's a no ," said the man.

XXXX

The team had caught a break, Unfortunately it was in the form of another victim. A victim who survived. Apparently something spooked the unsub before he could complete his kill. The woman he had left for dead had managed to crawl out of her car and scream for help.

Hotch and Morgan went to the hospital to see if they could interview the woman. Prentiss and Rossi went to the crime scene to see what they could glean from the site.

The two agents walked solemnly around the victims car. The CSI guys had already taken every sample possible. Now it was left to them to try and figure out, why this woman, why this car and this particular time of day?

Their minds re-enacted the crime the way it must have played out. All they ended up with was more questions instead of answers. They both looked around at the old run down buildings surrounding them. Their silent witnesses.

"Too bad these walls don't talk " Rossi remarked as they walked back to their SUV.

Emily grimaced."I don't think I'd want to know what _they've _seen" She buckled up her seat belt. "Should we go to the hospital to meet up with Hotch"

"Yeah I think he's expecting us," Rossi was quiet for a moment. "Morgan has called the hotel three times and hasn't got an answer,"

Emily didn't have to ask what Rossi was talking about, she too had called Reid a couple of times and hadn't reached him. She was worried but she had to put it aside for now.

"Ya know maybe Reid got up and went out or he's sitting around the station feeling left out..," she said. She tried to be funny "Or he's educating the desk sargeant with some obscure fact."

Rossi nodded. They were silent the rest of the drive. Neither one wanted to admit how worried they were becoming.

XXXXX

Reid hated hospitals, all the people, the smells, the strange hands touching him. He was in an exam room lying on a table, His clothes had been removed; he was wearing one of those drafty hospital gowns. He heard the voices again, a male and female this time.

"This is the John Doe that came in Doctor" said the female voice. "I think He's waking up again"

Reid peered up at a middle aged man in white. His vision was still a little fuzzy.

"What's your name?" The doctor asked.

Spencer wet his lips to speak "Re...Reid," he answered.

"Good, now what's your last name?"

Spencer was distracted, for a brief moment he thought he saw a familiar handsome black man pass by the large window of the exam room.

"MMMorgan!" he gasped.

"Good, now were getting somewhere, nurse this man's name is Reid Morgan make sure you write that on his chart."

Reid blinked several times, maybe he had only imagined he saw Morgan. His head really hurt. Morgan wouldn't be here. Reid turned his head to the side and saw the IV in his arm and the nurse with a needle in her hands.

"Giving you a little something for the pain sir, relax."

"Yes, good, thank you" he mumbled as he finally found the relief he had been seeking.

XXXXX

TBC

AN: Think I'll end it here for now. Please read and review. Let me know what you think. Did Reid really see Morgan? I'm trying to update a little faster these for the last chapters reviews.


	15. Chapter 15

**A Close Call**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

_'Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.'~_Walter Scott

xxx

Spencer had returned from having xrays over an hour ago. The nurse had wheeled him back to the room in the ER and shortly after it seemed all hell had broken loose. There were people everywhere. It was like someone had opened the doors to the ER and half the citizens of LA rolled in, screaming and crying and demanding the attention of every nurse and doctor on duty. Reid saw cops, firemen and paramedics move past him in quick succession, like ducks in a shooting gallery.

Reid of course, was perfectly fine with the lack of attention he was getting. He was still feeling the effects of the painkiller the nurse had given him. He had been in the ER several hours and he was starting to feel more like himself, his headache was gone, his vision had cleared. He thought that this was probably the perfect time to just get dressed and slip out. He gingerly sat up and looked around for his clothes.

"Hey be careful" admonished a voice from the doorway.

Reid looked up to see a young doctor walking toward him.

"You're looking better Mr Morgan" he said, addressing Reid by his pseudonym.

"I feel much better too." Reid replied. He saw that the physician had his xrays, he displayed them on a light board so Reid could see them as well.

The doctor flipped open his file and looked over his notes.

"You're lucky Mr Morgan, your xrays show no signs of any broken bones. Though you took a good hit on the head, you might have sustained a mild concussion. I think it might be in your best interest to stay here, just so we can observe you a little longer "

"I dont feel that's necessary, I think I should leave; I really do feel better" said Reid.

The doctor ignored him and walked over to the xrays. "These are rather interesting," he said as he glanced back at Reid.

"What do you mean?" asked Reid, his voice rose an octave. When somebody said something was "_Interesting' _it usually mean't something else.

The doctor pointed at the film with his pen. "You have no new broken bones but I can see several older fractures"

Reid swallowed nervously "Yes, those are all work related injuries." he told him.

"Really, well obviously your knee injury is quite recent, it was even operated on." he pointed out.

"Yup," _'Courtesy of an unsub' _he thought.

"And here, I can make out there were several small bones broken in your left foot."

'_That would be Tobias_,' he thought sadly. He thought about Tobias more than he should these days.

The doctor pointed to another film "Right here shows two broken ribs."

"_And that would be Ben Cyrus and the butt of his gun."_

"Also on the other side there was one broken rib,"

Reid sighed '_That would be from Hotch, trying to trick Dowd'_ He had never wanted Hotch to know he had hurt him.

"Mr Morgan, what is it you do for a living?"

"I teach extreme Rock climbing" he lied.

The doctor merely shook his head and turned the light off. "Look, you have some severe bruising on your back and stomach and chest. You need to take it easy, you're probably going to feel like crap tomorrow. I'll prescribe some pain killers," he said, taking out his pad, "A weeks worth, I just want you to be careful, they're a little strong. You can cut them in half if you need to"

Spencer felt like he had just won the lottery. "Thank you," he said in a calm manner. Appearing too excited might arouse suspicion.

A nurse rushed in "Doctor you're needed immediately in room five, gunshot wound."

He handed Reid his script and turned to the nurse."please explain aftercare procedure to Mr Morgan," with that said, he hurried out of the room.

The nurse pulled the curtain around Reid's bed and gently pushed him back against the pillows.

"It's busy here tonight, "Reid said, wishing the nurse would leave so he could make his escape.

She smiled at him. "Just another Saturday night around here. Lots of cops about, I'll see if I can get one to talk to you about your attack."

Spencer felt slightly panicked.

"In fact," she continued,"I hear the FBI is here as well,"

"The FBI." he squeaked. So maybe he really did see Morgan. It suddenly occurred to him that his team might be wondering where he was. They might have checked his room. He was gripped by a fear he might be found out.

"What are the FBI here for?" he asked, trying to sound like he was asking out of casual interest.

The nurse shrugged, "Not sure, a woman was badly attacked. I think thay want to talk to her."

_'Of course, they're working their case,they're not worrying about me' _he thought.

The nurse wrapped a blood pressure cuff around Reids arm. "Shh, I need to listen." she said.

Reid's mind was racing, If the team was here, they might see him,. He had to get out, his heart began to race. The nurse frowned as she listened to his pulse.

"Your pressures a little high. The doctor's right. It wouldn't hurt to hang around a bit longer for observation,"She was about to say more when a another nurse stuck her head in the room.

"Cathy, I think they need you out here,"

The young nurse patted Reids shoulder. "I'll check on you later, ok?" and followed her colleague out of the room.

Reid nodded, relieved that she was leaving. He barely waited a second before he jumped off the bed and looked for his clothes. He found them neatly tucked under the bed wrapped in a plastic bag. They were somewhat dirty from the alleyway, but he didn't care.

He was grateful he had left his important items in the room safe. The two guys from the bar had only taken cash. Of course now he faced another problem.

"How am I supposed to get back to the hotel?" He said aloud.

"Excuse me, what did you say dear," said a female voice.

Reid froze, he had forgottten another patient had been brought into the room and was merely a few feet away behind a curtain.

"Sorry." Reid called out into the air.

"I'm sorry dear, You'll have to come closer".

Reid walked toward the other bed. He saw a small gnarled fist come out from behind the curtain and fish blindly around the bedside table.

"May I help you ?" he asked.

"Oh yes, my purse and glasses are on the table, would you be a dear and get them for me."

Reid retrieved the glasses and purse and pushed them through the curtain.

"Thank you dear, pull the curtain open, I'm decent"

Reid opened the curtain and there in the bed sat a tiny elderly woman with a soft wrinked face and frizzy grey hair. She put her glasses on and looked at him with her rheumy blue eyes.

"There you are, thank you dear". She patted her side, "They think I might have broken my hip. I fell in the bathroom. I slipped on my lavendar bath talc. I can't believe I did it,"

"I can, in a 2003 national survey, there were 345,000 hospitalizations of elderly men and women for hip fractures in the U.S

alone. 95% attributed to falls," said Reid slipping into statistic mode.

The old woman looked impressed.

"Well, isn't that something, you must be a very smart young man to know something like that."

Reid shrugged.

"Are you leaving dear, " she asked, looking at the bag in his hand.

"Yes, but I was mugged. I'm trying to fugure out how to get back to my hotel without funds."

"Oh you poor thing, mugged while on holiday, Here, let me help" her small hands went rumaging through her oversized purse until she produced a rumpled twenty dollar bill. She held it out to Reid.

"Now here you go, I hope this can get you all the way back to your hotel."

Reid was aghast, he backed away. This elderly person must have thought he was hinting for a hand out.

"No no. I couldn't take your money. I wasn't hinting. Please put it back." he implored.

The old woman raised her eyebrows "Now don't be silly, you need this and I have it. I would hope that if my grandson was robbed, someone would help him. I wont take no for an answer."

Reid sighed, she did not look like a wealthy woman and he didn't want to take advantage, but he was starting to feel his medication wearing off and the thought of walking back to his hotel seemed excruciating. She was still holding out the twenty.

"I'll tell what I'll do, I will borrow your money only if you tell me your name and address so I can send it back to you with interest," he said.

She chuckled "Ok, dear if that's what you want" She recited her name and address and pressed the bill into Reid's palm. His long fingers folded over it and he felt deeply ashamed,"

"Thank you, I will be sending this back as soon as possible" He promised.

She waved her hands at him."Yes dear I'm sure you will. Now go on, I imagine someone must be missing you."

Reid turned to go back to his bed when he heard a gasp and a loud chuckle. He quickly realized that his hospital gown was open at the back . He reached around and pulled his gown together.

"Oh s s sorry." he stammered, hIs face turning crimson.

"Not to worry, nothing I havent seen before dear,"

XXX

Spencer made short work of getting his clothes back on, dirty as they were. He winced slightly. The needle he had been given earliar was metabolizing quickly; he needed to get more drugs. He felt smelly and dirty as well. The thought that he might run into one of his colleagues on the way out didn't help his nerves any. He decided he would just focus on getting out the door.

The place was crawling with people. He hoped he wouldn't stand out. Finally dressed, he stuck his head out into the corridor. Patients and staff were milling about in every direction. The sounds of drunks yelling, children crying and people issuing orders to one another blended together into a wall of pure white noise. He could see the exit about thirty yards away He knew he had to pass several open rooms on the way. The possibilty of running into one of his team mates almost made him feel sick but he couldn't hide out here forever. He balled up whatever nerve he had left and strode purposely down the hall, neither looking to the right or the left, within seconds he was out the door and into a cab. He breathed a huge sigh of relief, He hadn't been stopped, no one had seen him.

He would stop at a drug store and then go back to his room and clean up. If he was lucky, no one need ever find out what had happened to him.

XXXXX

The team were gathered together outside the room of the latest victim. Happily they were told she was going to make it. They stood and listened as the doctor explained her injuries and that if they had to question her, to keep it as short as possible and not upset her too much.

Prentiss stood behind the other three agents, it was then, while she was listening along with the rest of the team that something caught Prentiss's attention. For a split second out of the corner of her eye, she thought she had seen Reid walking by. Hotch spoke to her and asked that she be the one to question the woman. This distracted her long enough that when she turned around to look for her fellow profiler ; the tall slender figure she thought she had seen with her peripheral vision was gone.

Emily shook herself, she thought she must be loosing it, Her subconcious was now conjuring up Reid for some reason. That alone was disturbing enough. She forced her attention back to where it should be. She walked into the victim's room.

The poor woman was badly beaten. She looked pitiful but her attitude was anything but, This woman was angry.

The first thing Emily asked her was "Do you know who did this to you?"

The woman looked Emily straight in the eye and snarled "I sure as hell do."

XXXXX

Reid filled the hotel tub as deep as he dared without it spilling over. He lowered himself slowly into the tub, he hissed as the hot water met with his more sensitive parts and stretched out his long limbs as far as the tub would allow. Within minutes he could feel the tension easing out of his body. The three painkillers he downed about ten minutes ago took care of his pain. He loved the numb feeling he was experiencing, he smiled and almost felt like falling asleep. Reid sank lower into the tub. He looked down at his bruised and battered bady. It did not distress him for he had seen it this way before, many times, too many times.

He sank lower until the water was barely below his nose. He hoped he didn't drown; he imagined the maid finding him and the mental image of that made him giggle for some reason. He felt himself sliding lower. He laughed and managed to swallow a mouthful of water which made him laugh harder still. Spencer dunked his head under and opened his eyes. There were sounds, muffled weird sounds like somebody calling his name. He suddenly realized someone was knocking on the door to his room. He sat up quickly, sloshing water all over the floor.

"Hold on," He yelled.

With some effort he hoisted himself out of the tub, dried himself as best he could and threw on some clothes. He opened his door to find Rossi and Prentiss waiting for him. They both gave him odd looks. Reid did not realize his skin was beet red and his hair was dripping wet. His eyes also had an unnatural glassy look to them.

"Hi guys," he said, attempting to sound chipper.

"You ok Reid? " Rossi asked.

He pushed his damp hair off his face "Yeah yeah, I'm great, feel much better." He stared expectently at them.

"Well we caught a break with the case, one of the victims was able to identify the unsub," Prentiss stated.

"So Hotch says we can leave tomorrow, we're gonna have dinner, the whole team. Are you up to coming with us?" Rossi finished

Eating was the last thing he felt like but they might think something was amiss if he refused.

"Sure." he continued to stare unblinkingly at them

"Meet us downstairs in half an hour." said Rossi as he stared at the dampness of Reid's clothes

Reid nodded and smiled. He felt he was acting normal, to them he seemed like a robot. A robot that was about ready to short circuit.

XXXXX

The rest of the trip was uneventful. The team ate together and flew home the next day. Rossi and Prentiss did not want to admit to each other how worried they were. For the time being they put Reid's behavior down to being ill with a flu.

Reid remembered to send money back to the woman in the hospital. He sent her a hundred instead of twenty. He was comfortably back in the arms of Dilaudid telling himself with every hit that this time would be the last. It never was.

Things might have gone on like this indefinitely but shortly after his incident in LA, a member of the team saw Reid without his clothing and the delicate web of lies Spencer had built was torn to shreds.

TBC.

AN :Not many more chapters. Been very busy and it has made updating a little harder. Thanks for your patience. Please read and review.


	16. naked

**Naked**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal minds.

_'Nothing is to be as much feared as fear'~_Henry David Thoreau.

David Rossi did not understand how it had got this far, no one did. The day had started out fine, yet somehow managed to end in disaster. Hotch was furious with him and he was pretty certain Morgan wanted to kill him. Thank goodness for Prentiss, she was the only one who seemed to grasp what had happened.

He hadn't mean't to hurt Reid, on the contrary, he wanted to help him. What Derek witnessed Rossi doing was an accident. A confrontation that had gotten out of hand. He knew that Morgan had a temper but he had never been on the receiving end of it before. He also knew that if he had been the one who had walked into the conference room late at night and saw a panicked Reid on the floor with his shirt ripped open and an angry profiler standing over him, he would have probably reacted the same way as Morgan.

He heard a door close quietly behind him and the trademark stern voice of Hotch.

"Do you mind telling me what the hell happened here Dave?"

Rossi turned around expecting to see Hotch's deep set scowl, instead he saw the face of a friend who was both worried and confused by the events that took place earlier in the evening.

"How's Reid?" was the first thing Rossi asked.

"He's upset, refusing to go to the infirmary or a doctor. He says he's not hurt. Morgan is with him," Hotch answered, never taking his eyes off his friend.

Rossi shook his head and dropped down into the nearest chair "Morgan, he's still angry I guess?"

"Yes he is and worried just like I am. So I'll ask again and this time I expect an answer. What the hell happened between you and Reid?"

Rossi sighed and wondered if he could explain something he didn't really understand himself.

XXXX

**12 hours earlier.**

The BAU was rarely ever involved in the political smoozing that took place in so many levels of Goverment and if it were up to Aaron Hotchner it could stay that way forever. Unfortunately such things were not up to him. Erin Strauss thrived on opportunities to self promote and to high light what she thought were her achievements in the Bureau even if it mean't enlisting the co-operation of Hotch and his team.

The team freshly back from the case in LA were invited to luncheon at the home of a well heeled congressman. A Washington big wig who was interested in meeting one of the most elite and highly specialized teams in the FBI. Hotch had balked at first but Strauss insisted, saying the bureau and the BAU needed this, they weren't the only ones invited and since they weren't in the field at the moment; they could catch up on paperwork later.

Everything went fairly well until the afternoon was nearly over. They were invited by their host to meet his prize thoroughbred and it's trainer in the stables. In hindsight Hotch thought he should have realized what might happen. What Strauss had hoped would be an beautiful photo-op turned into slapstick .

Hotch had forgotten about the Reid effect.

As the group entered the stables they were greeted by the pungent aroma of horse manure and fresh wet earth The beaming congressman, excited to see his animal, approached the trainer and asked if the beast could be brought out of the stall.

Reid was uneasy, he was nervous around animals anyway. He knew how they reacted around him. The other team members were suitibly impressed as the trainer led the horse out of the stall toward the group. Reid backed away. The women and Morgan and Rossi, all animal lovers approached the large animal with admiration. Strauss was delighted, She thought the profilers were making a good impression, though she noticed the less than enthused Dr Reid.

"Agent Reid, you must see this beautiful animal, come here." she said.

Suddenly Hotch felt anxious, and what happened next unfolded much too quickly for him to prevent. Strauss reached over and took the elbow of Reid as if he were a small child afraid of a clown at a birthday party and pulled him toward the horse.

Reid and the equine made eye contact. The horse huffed and tried to step away. Reid tried to do the same thing but events were already set into motion. The large beast gave out an angry whinny as if warning the good doctor to stay trainer turned and tried to sooth the animal. The horse was having none of it, he stomped forward toward Reid and then reared up in the air giving out another loud cry. Reid was nearly paralyed with fear; he couldn't seem to move. Once again the horse reared up on his hind legs making the trainer yell out a warning for Reid to get out of the way before he was kicked in the chest. The others had already scrambled back as the trainer and horrified politition tried to subdue the distressed aninmal. Finally Reid did move, he took an awkward jump backwards but failed to land on his feet. The next thing he knew he was flat on his back lying in a mixture of mud and horse manure.

"Get him out of here," yelled the congressman.

The team wasn't sure if he was talking about the horse or Reid but they didn't hang around long enough to find out. Spencer clambered up as best he could and followed the team out of the stables.

Strauss stood there for a moment glaring at the agents. She said nothing and left them standing there staring at their youngest whose back half was filthy and foul smelling.

"So that's the Reid effect,'' murmured Rossi.

"Oh yeah," said Hotch.

"Worst one yet," added Morgan.

Prentiss walked over to Hotch "Hotch, I'll drive Garcia and JJ back to Quantico."

Hotch understood immediately, no one wanted to be the one to share a car with the malodorus Dr Reid.

"Wait a minute I'll drive, Rossi come with me. Morgan, you drive Reid back but first stop by the gym at Quantico so he can have a shower," He threw Morgan a set of keys and hurried off. It was a hot day and Reid could only get riper.

Morgan stood looking at the Agent, "You sit in the back seat and the windows will all be open,"

Reid could only nod and follow his friend back to their SUV. The day went slowly downhill from there.

XXXXX

Hotch and Rossi were pouring themselves a cup of coffee when they saw Morgan saunter back into the bull pen. He gave them a smile as they walked over to join him at Prentiss's desk. She was rubbing a rather expensive body lotion on her arms.

I don't know what it is but I can still smell horse crap. I should have went for a shower with Reid." she complained slathering on more lotion.

Morgan raised his eyebrows "Really, our boy wonder would have loved that," he said with a leer.

She gave Morgan a small slap on the shoulder "That's not what I mean't" she said shaking her head.

"So where is Dr Smelly?" asked Rossi.

"I left him at the showers near the gym, told him to make his own way back," answered Morgan.

"Ah guys, is he planning on walking back naked?" said Prentiss as she stared at Reid's desk.

The men followed her gaze and saw Reid's go bag on his chair holding his extra set of clothes.

"Oh shit!" groaned Morgan "Now I have to go back. He's probably standing around freezing his skinny little butt off."

Rossi laughed and clapped him on the back "No worries, you drove him back, I'll take his bag over."

Morgan uttered a thanks and went back to his office. Rossi took a final swig of his coffee and grabbed the bag. The rest of the team went back to work. Rossi didn't mind the errand, there were times he liked to get out of the office. He chuckled as he remembered the expression on Reid's face as he lay in the horse manure and muck. He would have something to tease him about for a while.

He couldn't have imagined the sight that lay in store for him.

XXXXX

Reid felt lucky there was no one using the showers. Aside from his own modesty there was something about showering with other groups of males that reminded him too much of gym glass in high school. He didn't need those memories.

He turned the water off and looked down at his freshly scoured skin. He was stilll pretty bruised from his attack in LA but his clothes covered his secrets quite nicely. He inspected the track marks in the crooks of his elbows. He pursed his lips tightly together. He was going to have to learn to shoot up on another part of his body if he wanted this secret to stay one.

Just thinking of the dilaudid made his stomach clench slightly with need, He knew it would be awhile before it reached a full blown craving but just like the last time, it was starting to take more and more of the drug to achieve the desired effect.

He shivered as he stood there naked. He saw that Morgan had left a few towels out on a bench for him. He reached for one to wrap around his waist and realized how small they were. He looked like he was wearing a mini skirt.

"Thanks Morgan " he muttered out loud. He stepped out of the stall and grabbed another. He looked around and realized he didn't have a change of clothes. He wasn't worried, he had his cell, he'd just had to call the bullpen and get someone to bring his go bag over. He threw the towel over his head and tried to towel dry his hair.

Reid thought he heard a noise. He stopped and peered around the large room and saw that he was still alone. he heard it again, It was someone clearing their throat.

"Who's there?" he called out.

"It's me kid," answered a familiar voice,"I brought your clothes."

Spencer sighed with relief when he recognized the voice of David Rossi. Then he immediately went back into panic mode. Rossi couldn't see him like this, his entire torso was covered in yellow and purple bruises.

"Wait a minute Rossi" he squeaked. He looked around to try to find something to cover himself with. The towels were ridiculous. He stepped back into the shower stall "Just leave em there I'll get it in a minute."

Rossi was silent for a moment before he answered.

"Ok...say, you alright in there?" Rossi called from behind a wall.

Reid closed his eyes."I'm fine thanks, see you back at the office."

_'Leave leave leave.'_ he silently begged. And as if Rossi could read his mind, he left. He waited until the sound of the older man's footsteps completely faded before he stepped out of the shower stall. He heaved a sigh of relief. Rossi seeing him would've been disasterous. He quickly dried himself, grabbed his bag and dressed.

What he didn't know was, Rossi had seen him.

TBC.

AN : I wrestled with this chapter and I think it won.

XXXXX


	17. Chapter 17

**Lies**

Disclaimer: I do not own criminal minds.

_'In union there is strength'~_Aesop

Rossi returned to the BAU and walked directly to his office and shut the door. He felt like he needed a good stiff drink. He sat at his desk and tried to calm himself, to try to regroup. His mind was still reeling from what he had seen.

Rossi had gone to the Quantico gym to give Reid his go bag. When he first arrived at the shower area he didn't go directly in. He knew how body shy the young agent could be and didn't want to embarass him, so he waited. He heard the shower turn off and when he thought Reid would be covered, he went to walk in. He was at an open doorway when he caught Reid's reflection in a large mirror on an opposite wall. Reid was standing with his back to him trying to wrap a rather tiny towel around his waist. Rossi was going to comment but was silenced by what he saw. At first he thought it was merely shadows or the lights were playing tricks on him but when he stopped and actually looked, it made him gasp. Spencer Reid's body was covered in bruises and abrasions to a rather sickening degree.

Spencer, who was now rubbing a towel over his head stopped and turned as if he were listening. Rossi saw that the bruises extended to his chest and stomach as well. He quickly ducked out of sight and loudly cleared his throat. Rossi spoke briefly to him, left him his clothes and rushed back to the office.

XXXXX

Dave stared out into the bullpen, he winced as he recalled the black and blue marks he had seen on Spencer. He had been an agent too long and had seen too much not to know that those bruises were the results of a beating. They were caused by fists and someones boots. He contemplated going to Hotch immediately but that hardly seemed fair to Spencer.

He watched as Reid returned to the bullpen and helped himself to the coffee in the break area. Morgan and Prentiss joined him. They were all smiling and seemed to be engaging in some good natured teasing and banter. He also saw that Reid moved very carefully and very stiffly. How had he not noticed it before?

Before he knew it, people were packing up and getting ready to leave for the day. As usual Reid was one of the last ones in the office. Rossi made a decision. He went out to the bull pen and asked Reid to come in to the conference room with him

Spencer entered the room looking puzzled. Rossi wasn't sure what he wanted to say but he had to get to the bottem of whatever was going on with their youngest.

"Sit down Reid." He said quietly.

Reid sat down. He peered up at the older agent, perplexed by the somber expression on the man's face.

Rossi stared at him wondering how to begin. Reid seemed awfully fidgety, more than usual. He also noticed that the young man kept checking his watch. He took a deep breath.

"Reid, I have to tell you something," he began.

Reid tilted his head "Ok Dave, what is it?"

"I saw you today in the shower, I mean I saw you standing outside your shower."

Reid's mouth gaped open, "You were watching me get dressed?"

"No, no I...Reid I saw you, the bruises and scrapes you have on your body, You're covered in them." Rossi explained. He saw the alarmed look on the young agents face. Reid stood up.

"I think you're mistaken David, I don't have any bruises," .His voice quavered and seemed to rise an octave or two.

"Reid, think of who you're talking to, you're a bad liar. Tell me who's hurting you," Rossi demanded.

"Nobody is hurting me. What is it wih you? are you bored or something, maybe you need to get married again, fill your time." Reid laughed nervously. He made as if to leave. Rossi blocked his path and took him by the shoulders and looked him straight in the eye.

"I'm not letting you leave until you tell me. If someone, say a lover is beating you, we can help you. There is no need to be embarassed because you're a man, or If you're dating a man, we don't care. We just don't want to see you hurt," Rossi said, trying to soften his tone. He could see that Spencer was becoming upset.

Reid looked startled."Why do you think someone is beating me?"

"Why? apart from the fact that you're black and blue. I've seen you falling down drunk twice, before this you had a shiner you claimed you got from a cupboard door. C'mon Reid."

Reid's eyes turned cold and hard. "Rossi, let me go, nobody is beating me. Not that it's any of your damn business but I don't have a lover, not a man or a woman or even a capuchin monkey, I'm fine," He tried to shrug off the older man's hold on him.

Rossi didn't let go. "Really, so show me, take off your shirt and show me that you're ok." His voice was loud now.

Reid attempted to struggle away. He was becoming agitated and panic was starting to creep up on him. He was also long overdue for a hit. His body began to tremble uncontollably.

"No, I wont take off my shirt, are you insane?" he said, his voice also increasing in volumne.

Rossi gripped him tighter, he realized this had probably gone too far and not the way he had planned. He had imagined a compliant, maybe even a sobbing Reid spilling his guts out to him, not this frightened angry man behaving like a trapped animal. This was not the Spencer he knew.

"Let go of me," Reid hissed. He started backing away, Rossi's grip shifted to the front of his shirt.

"What's the problem Reid, I want to help, why are you fighting me? prove you're not hurt." By now their voices could be heard in the almost empty bullpen.

In an effort to free himself from Rossi's grip he screeched, "LET GO OF ME, LEAVE ME ALONE!" and gave the older man a hard shove.

The screech was enough to startle Rossi into the reality of what he was doing. He had been about to let go of Spencer when the young man shoved him so hard that it was Reid, not Rossi who lost his balance and started to fall backwards. Rossi instinctively tried to catch him. He was still holding handfuls of the agent's shirt. The dress shirt ripped apart as the young man fell to the floor in a panicked heap. Rossi reached down to help when Morgan burst into the room followed by Hotch. Morgan's eyes went wide as he saw Spencer sprawled on the floor, a look of horror on his face and his shirt ripped in two. He lunged at Rossi, grabbed the older man and pushed him against the wall.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Morgan screamed into his face.

Fortunately for Rossi, Hotch was also there. He went to Morgan and in a firm voice told him to stop. When Morgan stood his ground Hotch reached over and gently but firmly removed Morgan's hands from Rossi. Morgan backed away still seething. He heard Spencer cough, he spun around and went to his side

"Reid man what happened?" he said as he helped the profiler to his feet.

Reid shakily stood up averting his gaze away from Rossi. "Nothing... I mean, it was a misunderstanding."

Rossi only nodded..Hotch stood between them, the expression on his face unreadible as he studied both men. He thought that Reid was on the verge of collapse as he noticed the young man's grip on Morgan's arm was turning his knuckles white.

"Morgan, take Reid to my office, get him some water, I'll be right there," Hotch ordered.

Morgan guided a disheveled Reid out of the room, Hotch turned to his old friend.

"I'll be back in a minute Dave and I will find out what's going on," with that said, he followed his fellow agents out the door.

Rossi hung his head as if in defeat. He also felt enormously guilty, all he had managed to do was frighten and bully someone who was likely already being terrorized by someone else. He would tell Hotch everything he had had seen today.

He sensed someone in the room. He looked up and saw that Prentiss, who he had seen leave earliar had returned. She looked at him with sympathy.

"I was trying to help him, to get him to talk to me. He's in trouble Emily,"

Emily smiled a sad smile. "I know Dave."

David looked at her. That simple sentence and the sadness in her eyes spoke volumes. Emily did know. He realized she had been in this place before.

XXXXXX

Hotch paced back and forth in front of his old friend. He had listened to Rossi's story and he believed him. What really bothered him was, why was Reid lying...again?.

"Dave, I believe you," he said.

"Thank you Hotch, I thought confronting him would shock him into confiding in me. I was wrong."

Hotch stopped pacing and huffed a laugh. "All of us have made the mistake of underestimating Reid's resolve at one time or another."

"I know you thought I was a little fixiated with him, but his behavior has been so strange. I think he's in some kind of bad relationship and we both know how deadly those can turn out," said Rossi.

Hotch closed his eyes. He was certainly concerned that someone might be abusing Reid, but _why_ would someone be abusing him. What kind of person or people was he involved with? He couldn't tell Dave about Reid's past issues. It wasn't his secret to tell nor Dave's burden to keep secret, as he himself had, as they all had. He really had no idea whether Reid was doing drugs again. He could only hope that he wasn't.

"Dave, the thing is, his relationships outside the office are his business. Unless they are affecting his work; or misrepresent the bureau, there's nothing you or I can do." Hotch told him.

Hotch saw the look of frustration on Dave's face. "Look, I'll try and have a word with him off the record, as a friend. I'll tell him if there's anything he needs that we're here for him,"

"That's if you can find him."

The two men turned toward the voice coming from the doorway. It was Morgan.

"What do you mean?"asked Rossi.

"Well, he asked me to get him a coffee, when I got back he was gone, POOF!, just like that," explained Morgan.

"Well that's not good," said Rossi.

"Damn!" whispered Hotch.

XXXXX

Reid stood nervously outside the pristine white apartment door for a long time. He could smell the newness of the carpet and the fresh paint. It was giving him a headache. He had raised his hand to knock several times. The thing that made him hesitate was the thought that if he went through this door he might also be going past the point of no return.

Spencer was afraid to go home. They would call him there or possibly come over and he wasn't up to talking to anyone. Morgan would be angry but he would deal with him later. He lifted his hand again and knocked. She opened it.

Her bright green gimlet eyes looked up at him. Her full lips curved upward in a smile. She was wearing a silky lavender nightshirt that stopped at mid thigh. She didn't seem surprised to see him. She held out one of her tiny, perfectly manicured hands.

"Hello Baby, come in." she purred.

Reid took her hand and let her pull him into her lair.

TBC.

AN: Reid is on a downward spiral and the next chapter demonstrates how low he can go. Please read and review and I will try to update faster. Yes, there might be smut.


	18. Chapter 18

**Who do you love?**

**Disclaimer: Do not own criminal minds.**

**AN: **This chapter might be a little M rated, so beware.

_'The greatists of faults is to be conscious of none' _Thomas Carlyle.

Rossi debated with himself whether to just go home or make his way over to Reid's. He wanted to try to make sense of what had happened between them**.** Most of the team had tried to reach Reid by phone but it seemed he had turned off his cell or was not picking up. He guessed it was understandable, considering the scene that had taken place earliar that evening.

Prentiss reassured him that Reid had probably just gone out to clear his head and was fine. It was best to let the dust settle before Rossi talked to him again. The others agreed. _'Go home, get some rest'. _they had said. In fact, Hotch practically made it an order.

Rossi wanted to but he couldn't seem to let it go. There was something in Hotch's eyes and Prentiss and Morgan's too. A sadness or helplessness, like they were all privy to some secret part of Reid that he was not allowed to know. He wondered if they felt that Reid needed protecting from him. It worried him but more than anything, it really pissed him off. He was David Rossi, he had practically started the BAU. He was an old time kickass bloodhound of a profiler. Secrets never stayed secrets on his watch. So whether it was out of deep concern or plain old ego driving him, Rossi soon found himself at the door to Reid's was no answer when he knocked. He totally expected that, so he waited.

XXXXX

Reid felt like in was walking in a haze. She had taken him by the hand and led him to the small sofa in her living room. She pulled up a small ottoman and sat down across from him, her eyes never leaving his. She placed one hand on his knee and spoke in her soft singsong voice.

"What's the matter baby, don't tell me you're out of goodies already?" she purred.

Reid shook his head, he really didn't know why he came here. He just knew he couldn't go home, not yet. his hands shook.

"No... I need... I just," he felt incapable of speech.

She smiled at him, she liked him like this. She had fond memories of their one time together and wouldn't be adverse to another.

"I think I know, you just want something to tide you over, you're feeling really bad?"

Spencer nodded. She winked at him and went to the other room. Spencer removed his jacket and tried not to think about what he was about to do. He watched as she found a syringe and a vial and sat back down across from him. Everything had a strange dreamlike quality to it, the silence and the sinewy way she moved, sleek and catlike.

She stared at his shaking hands.

"You want me to help you ?" she asked, her voice dripping with a false sweetness.

"Yes," he answered, his voice barely above a whisper. He offered her his right arm.

She pushed his arm away. "No honey, I'm going to show you something new. She leaned down and picked up his right leg and removed his sock and shoe. She aimed the syringe between his first and second toe.

"You're getting too many track marks babe, this is better," she plunged the needle in.

Reid gasped and let out a yelp. He watched the woman with his leg in her lap His stomach did a sickening flip as he was brutally reminded of Tobias Hankle grasping his leg and hitting it with a heavy stick. He felt the bile rising in his throat and thought he might throw up. He pulled his leg away quickly.

"No," he moaned.

For the first time that night she felt surprised by his reaction. She furrowed her brow, it usually didn't hurt that much. She waited and watched as he fell back against the sofa cushions, the drug was taking effect, the tension was leaving his body.

"Thank you," he murmured.

She slid down in front of him, gently pushed his legs apart and knelt between them. He opened his eyes slightly as he felt tiny efficent hands undoing his shirt buttons. She opened his shirt and gave a soft gasp as she saw the purple and yellow bruises on his chest and stomach.

"Got beat up," he said before she could even ask the question.

"Oh poor baby," she eyed him, "Were you cheating on me, buying from the competition?"

"Someting like that," he answered. He watched as she leaned over and began to press soft kisses on his chest working her way down. When she reached his navel she gave him a nip with her small sharp teeth.

"That's for cheating on me," she laughed. She began undoing his belt buckle.

Spencer watched her in his semi dazed state. Memories came flooding back of a time three years ago in this same apartment on this same couch. He could remember the feel of her sharp fingernails digging into him, her naked body writhing above him with his own clothes in a heap on the floor.

They had both been a little high, but not so high that he couldn't put on the condom she handed him and when she had hissed in his ear.

_'Do you want to fuck me'?_ he had answered_ 'yes' _It was consensual. He had needed to be held that night and wanted closeness any way he could get it.

It was the same night he had found Gideon's letter. There was no way he would go down that road again.

She had undone his zipper and he could feel a combination of cool air and warm breath on his skin. He sat up a bit and took hold of her wrists.

"No, please don't. I don't want to." he said.

She looked up at him somewhat surprised and a little amused.

"Are you sure, it sure seems like you want to?" She trailed her long nails over the bulge in his boxers.

Reid silently cursed his own body for it's betrayal, even though he told himself he was just experiencing a physiological response to sexual stimulation and a lack of inhibition caused by the drug.

"Yes, I'm sure," He sat up fully and zipped up his pants.

"Ok baby, your loss," She got up off the floor and lit a cigarette. She absently picked a piece of lint off the sofa.

Reid stood, He felt slightly dazed but he needed to get out. "What do I owe you for the ..." he gestured toward the vial.

She smiled. "Pay me next time"

_'There isn't going to be a next time'_ he thought.

Reid let himself out. She gave him a small wave and turned her attention to a magazine she had on an end table. He was just a small interruption in her evening, nothing more.

XXXXXX

Rossi could hear Spencer before he saw him. His footsteps were heavy and plodding like someone who was having difficulty walking. He saw the slender figure at the end of the hall. Reid had seen him too. He hesitated for a moment then continued walking. Rossi thought Spencer was drunk but as he got closer there was no tell tale signs of drunkeness; he could detect no odor of booze just a strange gait and a pair of dark glazed eyes. If it were anyone other than Spencer Reid, Rossi would have suspected he was stoned.

Reid paid little attention to him as he reached his apartment. He unlocked his door and went in, David followed him.

"So you're not speaking to me now?" said David, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice.

Reid dropped into his worn armchair and looked up at Rossi. He still said nothing as he removed his shoes and jacket. He stared down at Rossi's feet.

"Take your shoes off," he said.

"What?"

"I said take your shoes off, I don't like dirty shoes on my carpet, I don't care how expensive they are," Reid's mouth twitched as he said this.

Rossi knew Reid was being deliberatly pissy but he decided to play along. He kicked off his shoes and sat on the sofa.

"Have you come here to finish me off," asked Reid.

"No, I came to aplogize. I was out of line, I'm sorry, I just saw those bruises and was worried about you," he replied.

Spencer took a deep breath. Rossi was like a dog with a bone. "Look David, I was mugged ok ?and I didn't want anyone to know"

_' that's pretty close to the truth, I'm just leaving out the part I was trying to score drugs' _he thought.

David was startled. "Damn it, why didn't you tell us?"

Reid rubbed his palms over his eyes. "Because I'm a FBI agent, not a little old lady. I was embarrassed." he answered.

Rossi's eyes were filled with sympathy and once again he felt guilty for strong arming Reid. He leaned toward to say something to him in a way of an another apology when he caught the discinct scent of a womens perfume, a very expensive perfume. Rossi knew his scents since his third wife had a penchant for expensive toiletries.

The idea that Reid had been with a woman on a booty call tonight seemed even more outlandish than the idea of him high on drugs.

Reid became aware of Rossi staring at him. He could tell David believed his story. It occurred to him that taking that hit tonight had calmed him enough to tell a believable lie. If he could fool David Rossi...He stood up.

"I'm really tired Dave, if you don't mind I'd like to go to bed."

Rossi got up, put his shoes back on and headed to the door," Sure I'll get going, I think you should tell Hotch about the mugging and Reid, I only do this stuff because I care, we all do."

Reid nodded and continued to usher Rossi out the door. "Yeah thanks," He shut the door and exhaled a deep sigh of relief.

Rossi stood outside the door a few moments mulling over the turn the evening had taken. Reid may have been mugged but that didn't explain all the other strange behavior. He decided it was time to switch tactics. From now on he was going to be watching Reid very very closely.

XXXXX

Spencer threw hinself on his bed fully clothed. It had been a horrible day. He was glad the weekend was coming. The feel of dilaudid in his veins felt good. He was numb, even Rossi's visit hadn't bothered him all that much. He just knew he had to be more careful from here on out. He rolled over and settled into a dreamless drug induced sleep. He hadn't even realized that this was the first time he hadn't promised himself he would quit

He had promised himself he would be a better drug addict.

TBC.

AN Please read and review.


	19. Chapter 19

**Endings**

Disclaimer:I do not own Criminal Minds or Reid. Pity!

_"The fewer desires the more peace'_ ~ Thomas Wilson.

If Reid had been asked to profile the behavior of an unsub who behaved exactly like himself, he supposed he would have called the subject a functioning addict. Reid had made good on his promise. He _had_ become a better drug addict.

He was much more careful now. He made sure he had a supply of drugs hidden in his go bag at all times. He was careful where he shot up and never used enough to to be completely out of it. Those times were for when he was alone. He still did his job, he was never late for work and rarely was he ever caught experiencing the pain of withdrawal.

He reckoned his new lease on addiction came from not feeling conflicted anymore. Before the scene with Rossi in his office all those months ago, he wondered if he had secretly desired to be caught; that all the mistakes he made, the poor judgement, the stupid choices were all designed to get attention, to force the team to notice him. Once he decided his silent screams for help were going unheeded. He knew exactly how to proceed. He was too smart not to. Didlaudid became his best friend and lover. It took away his pain, his worries, his lonliness and for a brief time, temporarily erased those unhappy memories that liked to play in an endless loop in his head.

Sure, there were still times when he would be seized by guilt. He knew what he was doing was wrong but the mere thought of trying to quit again was unbearable and impossible. Those were the nights he would cry so hard and long that his eyes were still red and puffy the next day. He told everyone he had allergies.

Spencer thought things might go on like this forever. His mind might have been willing to play along in this dangerous game but his body wasn't

It had began a few short weeks before JJ left the BAU for the Pentagon. He had started feeling sick in the morning, soon the mornings stretched into afternoons and then it was all day. He gobbled handfuls of antacid tablets and told a concerned Emily he had developed an intolerance to dairy products.

It was after JJ left that the headaches began. At first they weren't so intense and didn't last long but as the weeks wore on, the pain increased and they lasted days instead of hours. It was then he felt he needed the drug even more.

He put it all down to the stress of losing JJ and figured they would eventually disappear on their own, instead the pain became intolerable and it took too much dilaudid to take it away. He would be completely stoned or unconcious at work if he did. Spencer felt himself between a rock and a hard place. He decided he must be genuinely ill. He saw a successsion of medical experts. He was determined to find the root cause of his pain.

He was frightened he might have a brain tumour but that fear was nothing compared to the terror he felt when a doctor suggested his pain might be psychosomatic. His mind immediately translated that as mental illness, schitzophrenia in particular. He saw the look of pity on the doctors face when he told him about his tore out of the medical building, went home and got high.

XXXXX

Spencer was laying on his bed almost completely nude. It had almost become a ritual to undress before he shot up. The rush he felt from the drug sent an intense pleasurable heat throughout his slim body. He didn't know how long he had been lying there when he heard his phone ring. Reid rolled over and looked at the call display, it was Garcia.

" Shit," he said aloud, this was his day off, he wasn't supposed to be called in. He picked up the phone.

"Reid here," he slurred.

"Reid, it's Garcia... are you alright? you sound funny,"

"Yeah, I'm fine jus sleepin" he mumbled.

"Hotch wants everyone in, we have a case, meet us on the jet you'll be briefed there."

Reid listened to the phone click off and silently cursed. He really didn't want to go anywhere today. He forced himself off the bed and headed to the shower. He hoped no one would notice how stoned he was. Within half an hour he was dressed and getting into a cab, he didn't trust himself to drive.

As it turned out he was the first to board, he took his seat in a dimly lit corner of the jet. The light was hurting his eyes and his head was starting to throb.

"Your're early, " said a familiar deep voice.

Spencer looked up to see Hotch entering the plane followed by Rossi and the rest of the team. They sat together in a little group. He didn't move, he was afraid they might notice how glazed his eyes were. Reid had taken a stronger hit today but he rationalized he thought he would be home alone all day.

Once the jet took off Hotch began to brief the others about the case. It was another serial killing in a small southern town, older women this time. The pattern was the advanced age of the women and the fact that the unsub seemed remorseful since all the bodies were placed very carefully in their dumping spot. The women had their hair combed and were in full makeup.

Reid tried to listen but he began to feel nauseous. He could almost feel the bile rising up in his throat and he didn't know why. He couldn't seem to focus. Hotch's voice became backround noise.

_"I can't be getting airsick' _he thought. He put his hand over his mouth, closed his eyes and concentrated on not vomiting. There was now silence on the jet. He hadn't realized he had moaned out loud and the team had stopped talking.

"Reid, Reid are you ok?" asked an anxious Morgan.

Spencer opened his eyes to see the entire team staring at him, concern on their faces. He opened his mouth to say he was fine where suddenly the entire contents of his stomach erupted from his mouth, which wasn't much for he had only eaten some toast and drank 4 cups of coffee that day. He saw the team instinctively move back a bit. He had thrown up in his own hands and lap. He sat there horrified, unable to move, finally Hotch jumped into action and moved beside his sick team member.

"Morgan get some papertowels, Rossi get some water." he ordered. He bent down to speak to the young agent.

"Reid can you get up or do you think you might throw up again ?" he asked gently.

Morgan handed the towels to Hotch who proceeded to wipe up Spencer as best he could. Hotch saw the pale look on Morgan's face.

"Morgan, will you go through Reid's go bag and find something clean for him to wear,"

The bags were at the other end of the jet. The last thing Hotch wanted was another agent throwing up on him. Morgan nodded and hurried to the other end of the plane. By now Garcia was cooing over Reid and helping Hotch take him into the washroom. Prentiss retrieved the clothes from Morgan who was now sitting alone with his hand over his nose and mouth. Prentiss cast him a pitying look .

"What, I cant stand puke ok?" he said defensively.

She merely shook her head and went and handed the clean clothes to Hotch. Reid glanced at her and then immediately looked away. She saw his eyes were wet but there was something else about them as well. Something she had seen before but couldn't place.

Reid cleared his throat. "I can't change when you're all standing here watching me " said Reid, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Oh right, sorry " said Hotch.

Reid took his time changing. He shoved his soiled clothes into a plastic bag, washed his hands and rinsed out his mouth. His head was now pounding.

_"Dammit!" _he thought. He splashed water on his face and went back outside. Five pairs of eyes watched him as he settled back in his seat. Rossi handed him a glass of water.

"Guys, I'm really sorry, I don't know what happened" that much at least was the truth.

Hotch tilted his head as if he were trying to view him from another perspective.

"Reid, you didn't have to come in if you were sick you know," said Hotch, his tone a little softer than usual. The dad in him was hard to turn off.

"Yeah none of us wants to catch a bug from you " added Rossi doing his best to sound curmudgenly. Inside his head alarm bells were going off.

Garcia shushed them both. She had a blanket in her hands.

"Lie down sweetie, we don't land for over an hour." She tucked the blanket around his slim body. He closed his eyes and was grateful for Garcia's ministrations. His headache was worse and he felt a slight twitching in his body, It was an early signal his high was wearing off, soon he would need another hit. He curled up and pretended he was alone.

XXXXX

Three days later

Reid threw himself face down onto his hotel room bed. His stomach grumbled but he ignored it, He had already told the team he wasn't hungry and just wanted to go to bed. After the occurance on the jet nobody pressed him to to stay plus it was almost time for a hit. It also wasn't the only reason he wanted to be alone. What had happened to him earliar in the day was still playing in his mind.

The previous three days had been uneventful when they finally caught a break. A night security guard at one of the retirement villages had been brought in for questioning. They could keep him for 72 hours. They had made no progress with him until the man began to exhibit some odd behavior.

"He's tweaking" said Rossi from behide the two way mirror.

"He's what" said the local police chief, he was unfamiliar with the term.

"He's going through withdrawal' answered Hotch "He's a drug addict. Prentiss, Reid, you give him a try. He might be willing to talk now,"

"The two agents walked into the interogation room. Prentiss smiled and sat down across from the man. Reid stood back and gave the man his best Hotch- like scowl. The man was absolutely miserable. He scratched at his arms and beads of sweat were forming on his brow.

Prentiss looked at him with sympathy while Reid merely stared, his face impassive.

"C'mon man when are ya gonna let me go, I didn't do nothin" he whined.

"You mean you didn't do anything, don't you?" said Reid, his voice icy.

He blinked at Reid in confusion. Prentiss touched his arm "We just need your help Mr Hansen, we want to know how someone got in the building and murdered those women while you were on guard all night, on three separate occasions"

"I didn't murder them!" he said, his voice rising.

"But you know who did right?" queried Reid as he stood in front of the distraught man.

"No I don't, why don't you believe me?"

"Because you're a liar" said Reid.

"Why would I lie?"

"Because you're a drug addict Mr Hansen"

This statement seemed to strike a chord with Hansen, his lips curled with anger, he leveled his gaze at Reid.

"I guess it takes one to know one," he spat out.

Reid was at a loss for words. He suddenly felt like he was standing there naked. Prentiss glanced up and noticed the pallor of Reids face. She switched tactics and went on the attack and it was shortly after Hansen confessed to making a key for the unsub in exchange for money and drugs. They made an arrest within the hour.

No one mentioned the comment made by the man to Reid or his reaction to it. Reid on the other hand couldn't get it out of his mind. Was it that obvious? Did he look like a drug addict or was it just an insult thrown at him by a sick man?. Did th team notice something ? He thought Rossi was watching him a lot more lately or was he just becoming paranoid?.

Reid got off the bed and took the drug and needle out of his messenger bag. Within minutes he found himself falling back on the bed reveling in an almost orgasmic pleasure from the rush he just got. He had upped the dosage. He tossed his drug back in his bag and giggled over the same thing that he had been angsting about minutes before. He slid to the floor and succumbed to the darkness.

XXXXXX

"Reid REID!" Spencer opened his eyes and stared groggily around the room for a few seconds. He was laying on the floor still dressed except for his socks and shoes.

"REID, I know you're in there?"

Then it hit him, someone was banging on his door like a maniac.

" Hold on," he yelled.

He slightly stumbled to the door and opened it. Emily stood there, her fist raised about to rap on the door again. Her mouth hung open as her eyes took in Reid's appearance. He was wrinkled and disheveled looking, his eyes were red, his hair stuck out in every direction. He looked as if he were coming off a two week bender.

"What the hell Reid "she exclamied as she pushed past him into his room. She saw the bed had not been slept in.

Reid turned and looked at her in confusion. She was really upset, he physically backed away from her. The back of his knees hit the edge of the mattress causing him to lose balance and fall back on the bed.

"What's wrong?" he asked flustered and still groggy.

"What's wrong?" she snapped. We're leaving in half an hour. you didn't answer the door or phone for ages and it looks like you are completely fucked up, are you? "she demanded.

"Are I what?" pretending to not understand.

"Fucked up, stoned, drunk,"

Reid tried to stop the panic he felt and form a coherent response "Emily no, I had a couple of drinks last night, and I.. I had an headache and I took some tylenol, I guess it made me a bit loopy."

Emily narrowed her eyes and glanced around the room noting the absence of any bottles, glasses or tylenol.

"I cleaned up, look, here I'm ready to go" he grabbed his go bag and stood.

Emily sniffed the air,"I think you need a shower Reid," she said unkindly.

"Yeah right, I'll grab a quick shower and meet you downstairs," he said, eager to get her out of the room.

She studied his face "Nooo, you go shower. I'll sit here and wait for you." She threw her purse down on the bed and sat down..

Reid looked at her with exasperation "you don't need to be here while I shower"

_'I need my drugs, but not with her here"_ He thought

She rolled her eyes and stood up, before he knew what was happening Emily startied unbuttoning his shirt. He stared at her helplessly.

"Emily stop! geez are you going to get in the shower with me too?" he said pushing her hands away.

"I will if I have to" she shot back.

"Fine, stay then, I'll just be a few minutes." He picked up his go bag and gave one last longing look at his messenger bag. He knew he couldn't take it into the bathroom with him. It would seem strange.

Once in the bathroom he shut the door and leaned back against it.

"Why are you doing this ?" he said aloud not thinking she could hear him.

"Because I love you," she whispered in reply.

XXXXX

The tension between the two proiflers was evident as soon as the rest of the team saw them. When they boarded the jet, they didn't say a word to one another and chose to sit apart. After take off Reid opted to lay on the couch and try to nap or at least pretend to. Prentiss took out a book and buried her nose in it. Morgan who sat beside Rossi tapped Prentiss on the knee,

"Hey, something going on between you and prettyboy. " He asked. keeping his voice down

Prentiss sighed, she looked into the worried faces of her two colleagues but knew she couldn't tell them what she suspected was happening.

"No, I'm a little annoyed he was so late, pet peeve of mine I guess," She gave them a small smile.

Reid lay on the couch, his eyes closed, he felt horrible, things were spiraling out of control. He had to stop this, if crazy security guards could tell he was using then it was only logical a group of gifted profilers could as well. He decided he was going to quit, he had to ...tomorrow.

TBC.

AN: Getting toward the end here. Now that AJ and Paget are coming back I feel up to writing again. There's still TG of course, sign him already!

A few more chapters with much less time in between. Please read and review. I appreciate them and love reading your insights and opinions.


	20. Chapter 20

**Panic**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or Reid.**

**XXXXX**

_**'It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed'**_** ~ Theodore Roosevelt**

XXXXXX

Reid tried,he felt he had really tried. After nearly being outed by a suspect. He decided he had to quit. He had done it once before, it seemed only logical he could do it again. The last time was after Gideon left. It was pure hell but he managed it.

This time was different for some reason, it was harder. He had forced himself to taper off the dilaudid by putting less and less in each injection. He did this until he actually ran out. He thought he could go cold turkey at that point. He was wrong, he had never felt so wretched in his life. Spencer determined he was not ready. He had to get more.

XXXXX

The roads were slick and greasy, making drivng much more diificult. Spencer tried to be careful and drive his ancient Volvo exactly at the speed limit. Now would be the wrong time to get into an accident or stopped by the police for speeding. He kept his eyes on the road and felt relief when he finally saw her apartment building. He parked a block away and walked to where she lived.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep them warm and also to stop them from shaking. His throat felt parched, his skin itched and droplets of perspiration were running down his face dispite the coolness of the evening.

He was glad hers was an older building, there was barely any security and it was easy for him to go directly to her apartment door unnoticed. He rapped rather loudly on the door

_'Please be home, please be home '_ he chanted inside his head. He knocked again and then again. No one was home. The next time he pounded on the door with his fist and called her name. Reid almost felt like sobbing. There was no answer, obviously she wasn't home and no amount of tears or frustration would change that.

He didn't know what to do, she was the only drug dealer he had.

Spencer stood, his forehead resting against the door when he heard another door open directly behind him.

"She aint home," a gruff male voice said to him.

"Reid turned and saw a middled aged man in a tattered bathrobe and pot belly eyeing him like he was Jack the Ripper making a house call.

"Do you know when she'll be back," Reid asked.

"Nope, haven't seen her around in a while,"

"Oh," was all Reid said. The neighbour shrugged and shut the door. He was at a loss. He had run of of drugs .If he didn't get something soon he would be in trouble, Reid walked back to his car.

His next plan of action was to go to where he had once seen her hanging out with friends. He wiped the sweat off his palms; he started his car and drove to the popular downtown bar and restaurant.

His heart was pounding and the noise and general hubbub of the place did little to help his now throbbing head. He scanned the bar area and saw a familiar face. It was not her but rather a man he had seen her with a few times. He was young, well dressed and surrounded by two very pretty women who could barely bother to look up when Spencer approached the table. The young man turned around after Reid lightly tapped him on the shoulder. A too wide grin spread across his features as soon as he saw Reid.

"Hey man I know you " the young man said.

Reid could barely make eye cantact but he had to do this.

"I'm looking for..."

The young man held up his hand to stop him. "Yeah, I know who you're looking for. She's not here, nobody's seen her for awhile

Reid grimaced, this was not what he wanted to hear. The man continued to to smirk at him. He gave Spencer a careful onceover then he gestured for him to sit down. He spoke to the women who sat beside him

"Ladies, why don't you get us all a drink, here's some money. My friend here and I need to talk," He held out a hundred to the women, They rolled their eyes but took the money and left the table. The man turned his attention back to Reid who was visibly sweating.

"Now maybe I could help you, I have certain resources, what's your pleasure?"

"Dilaudid" Reid answered, not bothering to even pretend they were talking about something else.

The man leaned back in his chair as if he were giving careful thought to Reid's request. He seemed to be enjoying Reid's pain.

"Hmm, I think I could get you what you need by early next week, this _is_ my busy season," he laughed.

"No! I need it tonight."

The man raised his eyebrows, "Well babe, I don't just carry that stuff around with me ya know, but you look like a special customer. I can get something now that might agree with you, meet me out back."

Reid shook his head "No, here, now," he remembered the last time he agreed to meet someone _'out back'_. He wasn't doing that again.

"Now now, for a special price I have my personal stash, now go in the washroom, leave five hundred in the towel holder then go in the first cubicle I'll be in a in a minute." he instructed in a low voice, the smirk never leaving his face.

The women returned with a bottle of wine and sat down. Reid got up made his way to the restroom. At first he saw only electric hand dryers then in a dark corner he saw the paper towel holder. The bathroom was empty. He stuffed his cash in and went into the cublcle and waited. Within a minute he heard the door open, the sound of shuffling feet then the door closing again. He rushed out and immediately inspected the holder, sure enough the money was gone and in it's place was a wadded up napkin, He unrolled it and inside he saw two white tablets he recognized as being vicodin. The guy had written a phone number on the napkin.

Reid felt relieved, without a second thought he dry swallowed both tablets and left the bathroom. He saw his new dealer glance his way but didn't bother making eye contact. Spencer just wanted to go home and hope he would start feeling better soon.

That didn't happen. He was no more than a block away from the bar when he started to feel sick and light headed. He stopped walking for a moment hoping to regain his balance. It seemed the side walk was now tilting at a 45 degree angle forcing him to walk like a drunken sailor. Then the cramps and nausea hit him. He wondered what was happening. He tried to focus on the horizon, to stay steady but it did little good, his vision was beginning to blur. What really worried him was the urge to throw up, he was afraid he might vomit up his drugs. People were staring at him now. Some even made a wide arc around him as they passed.

_'I can't get sick' _he thought.

Near a trendy restaurant he saw a darkened laneway, he would duck in there for a moment to get his bearings. He stopped at the lane and moved a little bit into the shadows. He leaned against the dirty brick wall and closed his eyes. That's when it got worse.

His stomach was seized by sudden painful cramps that made him moan and double over in pain. Spencer slid down the wall and waited, hoping that the pain would ease off a little if he stayed still. He didn't know why he was affected this way. He hung his head between his knees and tried to concentrate on not throwing up. He sat there several minutes, finally the pain was starting to subside. Reid wondered if the dealer had slipped him something else. He wished that in his haste he had thought to look to see how many grams the pills were. Perhaps two was too much. He had been tapering off didaudid for several weeks and new dealers always gave up the really good strong stuff first. This good stuff seemed to be killing him.

He felt a hand touching him on his shoulder

"Reid?" said a voice with a unmistakable Long Island accent.

Reid looked up into the worried face of David Rossi.

"Oh no, David!"

TBC.

AN: Poor Reid

Please read and review and thanks for your patience.

xxxxxx


	21. Chapter 21

**Rossi Finds Out**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal minds.**

**XXXX**

_'Brave actions never want a trumpet'_ ~ Thomas Fuller.

XXXXX

Rossi gathered up Reid's damp dirty clothes and threw them in the wash. It was very quiet in his house right now and that worried him. He had ran a bath for Reid and practicly ordered him to get in. Reid relunctantly did as he was told but made David promise to stay out of the bathroom. David almost laughed at the young man's modesty but felt he could afford him this bit of dignity. He looked at the crumpled napkin he took out of the pocket of Reid's Jacket and frowned. There was a phone number on it, a woman's he assumed but Reid did not look anything like a guy that had just scored a woman's phone number. He was tempted to call it, but he did still want to respect his co worker's privacy.

What an evening this had turned out to be. He had been having a very pleasant dinner at a swank eatery with an editor friend of his and the man's wife. The evening had been winding down. Rossi had stepped out into the brisk night air when out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw a familiar figure staggering down the street and then slip into an alleyway. Rossi quickly bade goodnight to his friends and hurried over to the spot where he thought he had seen Spencer Reid.

At first Rossi could have sworn he was seeing things. In retrospect he almost wished he had, sitting in a dirty puddle crouched over as if in pain sat Reid. It was almost surreal. He gently put his hand on Reid's shoulder and said his name.

Reid looked up and a horror stricken look appeared on his face "Oh no, David " he had gasped out.

Rossi knelt down, alarmed to see Reid in this state. his eyes were wide with fear, his pupils were dialated like he was stoned or drunk. He couldn't smell any booze and found it hard to believe Reid would be high on something. He put his hands on the young man's shoulders and looked into his eyes.

"Reid, what's wrong, what are you doing here?"

Spencer averted his gaze and tried to stand. Rossi helped him to his feet.

"Nothing... I mean, I feel sick, I was ... out tonight and I started to feel sick:?

Rossi knew he was lying, there was something else going on, but right now he needed to take care of Reid, not interogate him.

"Rossi, my car is not far from here would you help me get to it. I need to get home." Reid said.

"Sure, but no way in hell are you driving. I am."

Reid was too much in pain to argue. He directed Rossi to where his car was and let himself be poured into the passenger seat.

"What about your car? he asked David.

"Lucky for you, I took a cab tonight," He replied. He didn't tell Reid he had no intention of driving him home; he was taking him to his house where he could keep an eye on him.

Reid didn't realize this change in plans until the car pulled onto Rossi's street. His eyes had been closed as he tried to relax and not worry about what dosage he had taken from a perfect stranger. He was none too happy when Rossi pulled the little Volvo into the long well kept driveway.

"Danmit! why did you bring me to your house?"

"Relax Reid, you look like shit, I'm not leaving you alone. You come with me or I drop you at the nearest ER,"

David's tone told him he wasn't kidding. He decided he could fake this for one night if he had to.

Reid wasn't any more agreeable once he got into the house. In the brightly lit living room Rossi got a better look at the young man in front of him. Reid didn't just look bad, he looked haunted. He still had that spacey glazed look in his eyes. He was twitchy and nervous like he might jump out of his skin any moment. Rossi could see him shivering, yet at the same time he was sweating.

That was sign of fever. Rossi laid a hand on the young man's forehead. Reid jerked away as if his touch had burned him. Rossi recalled when he had tried to bully Spencer into confiding in him and knew how well that turned out. So he tried another approach.

"Look Reid, you said you were sick, I want to help, can I get you something?" he offered.

"Coffee," He answered.

David studied the twitchy shaking man in front of him with his arms wrapped around himself as if he feared flying apart at any moment.

"Ahh, maybe coffee might not be the best thing right now,"

"Then I don't want anything." Reid replied in an almost petulant manner..

"Ok ok, I'll make you a deal. I'll run you a bath, you look frozen by the way and I'll make you a cup of the richest most delicious coffee you ever tasted." Rossi smiled at him, hoping reason, bribery and a friendly manner might work.

"Umm, yeah ok, that sounds good,"

David inwardly sighed with relief. "Take off your damp clothes, I'll wash em and leave you a pair of my sweats ok?"

Reid nodded. He still felt like hell but the promise of a warm bath and hot coffee was too tempting to turn down. He let David lead him to the bathroom and watched him run the water in the oversized jacuzzi tub. When the water finished running Rossi turned and faced him.

Reid stared back. "What?"

"Your clothes,"

Reid gaped at him. "I'm not changing in front of you!"

Rossi held his hands up on the air. "No no. I'll go, do you really think I want to see your skinny ass?. Just leave your stuff outside." He said as he hastily left the bathroom.

Reid peeled of his cold and damp clothes and set them outside the door. He sank into the hot bath and practicaly moaned with pleasure. It felt amazing. Suddenly his cramps were gone and he felt a flush of warmth throughout his body. Reid smiled, whatever the guy had given him was now working. There was no pain, nor was there feeling of any kind. He sank lower into the bath and closed his eyes. He was enjoying the rush he felt.

He didn't know how long he had been there when he heard a gentle knock on the door.

"Hey Reid, you fall asleep in there?"

Reid opened his eyes and frowned. He didn't want to get out, but he reckoned he should show Rossi he was still alive.

"I'll be right out" he called to the door.

Spencer stepped out of the tub, dripping wet and found himself facing a full lengh mirror. He smirked for he was not one who enjoyed being nude. but this time he thought he looked alright. He smiled serenely at his reflection, then turned away to dry himself off. His did not see the hollow cheeks, the sunken desperate eyes and a near emaciated physique.

XXXXX

If Rossi hadn't known better he would have sworn Reid had switched places with a doppleganger. He had sauntered into Rossi's living room looking rather ridiculous in the too short sweatpants of David. but it wasn't the ill fitting clothes that made Rossi take notice, it was th 180 degree change in behavior.

Reid was relaxed, calm and a little dopey. Rossi handed him the coffee he promised, Spencer smiled at him and moved to the living room

Rossi joined him and sat opposite him.

"You look like you're feeling better " Rossi remarked.

Reid smiled and nodded at him."Yes, I think after this coffee I may just go home,"

Rossi sighed."Look, do an old man a favour, stay here tonight. If you go home I''ll worry all night." Rossi said. No way was Spencer going home. He had been studying the young man. Reid was on something but the idea Reid would voluntarily take drugs was impossible for Rossi to accept. He surmised he had been in a club and been slipped something. That's why he was sick and now it was wearing off.

Reid lowered his gaze. Rossi had been staring far too intently at him since he came downstairs. If he protested staying, Rossi would be even more suspicious

" Ok, if it makes you happy I'll stay"

"If you're sick or something Reid, I can talk to Hotch about taking some..."

"NO! no, don't call Hotch." Reid snapped. Spencer sat up so quickly he spilled coffee on his lap. Rossi was startled too. Reid had changed from subdued and relaxed to wild eyed and panicked in the blink of an eye.

"Hey kid, all I was suggesting was that if you needed time off I could talk to Hotch for you,"

Reid stood up and glowered at Rossi, "Dammit David, what did I just say? I don't want you talking to Hotch, I can still do my job," He screeched, The sudden movements made him dizzy and he started to sway on his feet.

Rossi jumped up and grabbed hold of Spencer so he wouldn't fall. He looked into his glassy panicked eyes and saw only fear there. Now was not the time to be talking to him about any of this. He was definitely on something. He wanted him calm first and sober, tomorrow was soon enough for questions.

"Hey c'mon, nobody said you cant' do your job. I wont talk to Hotch. Do you feel like watching a movie. I've got enough bluerays to sink a ship."

Reid nodded and sank back down on the sofa. Rossi got him another coffee and put on a movie. It was some science fiction thing he thought Reid might enjoy. He watched him watch the movie. Reid was very quiet and almost childlike in his compliance to anything Rossi said or suggested. David thought there would be a million interuptions from Reid pointing out science errors, there wasn't. He just stared at the screen barely blinking until the movie was over. Then he got up and Rossi showed him the spare bedroom. The two men said goodnight.

_"Tomorrow I'm going to find out what the hell is going on, one way or the other" _Rossi thought.

XXXX

Spencer climbed into the guest bed. The sheets felt cool and soft and expensive. He curled up into his usual sleeping position to get comfortable. He tried to put the image of Rossi sleeping just a few doors away out of his mind. Rossi was too good at his job. He saw the way the old profiler had been looking at him. Reid promised himself he would wake up early and slip out before David even got up.

Spencer yawned, he was tired, he absently scratched at the inside of his elbows as he formulated his plans for tomorrow. He was starting to drift off. The bed was amazingly soft and comfortable.

His barely awake self scratched the underside of his chin "Yess, I'll get up early." He said out loud to no one.

Reid fell asleep and he did not to get up early, in fact,14 hours passed before he was awake again.

TBC

AN: Things are beginning to come to a head. Please read and review.


	22. Chapter 22

**A Long Day **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal MInds.**

**'**When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece' ~ John Ruskin.

XXXXX

Emily sat on the bed in one of the guest rooms of Rossi's house. Her arm was falling asleep but she was afraid to move it lest she disturb Reid who was cradled in her arms fast asleep.

They had been in this room together for what seemed like an eternity, though in actuality it was only a few hours. He had finally fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion.

Never in her wildest dreams did she think this was the way she was going to be spending her weekend. She yawned, she too was beginning to succumb to fatique and the stress of the situation.

Rossi had been in a half hour ago and asked if she needed anything. She shook her head no and before he left he stood there a moment and stared at the young man in her arms. She saw the sorrow on his face when he looked at Spencer. Up until this very day, Rossi had not known Reid had a history of drug abuse. It pained her he had to find out the way he did with Reid hurling vile epithets at him like he was possesed by some vile monster and in a way he was, A slow moving greedy monster with an insatible appetite.

She yawned again, she was sitting at the top of the bed, she tried to slide down with Reid in her arms. If she could manage to get some sleep ; she might be ready for round two if she had to be.

Reid was curled up like a pretzel on his side with his face against her stomach and he was a dead weight. She inched her way down slowly. He murmured a little but much to her great relief he did not wake up. Finally she was lying down. Emily kicked off her shoes and hooked her foot around the comforter at the bottem of the bed and pulled it upwards; she managed to pull it up over most of Reid and up to her stomach.

She touched his hair which was still a little damp with sweat. He made a unsettled noise.

"Shhh" she said automaticly and stroked his head, as one would with a sick child. Emily closed her eyes and thought back to this morning when she was in her car about to go meet her mother for brunch when her cell rang. It was Rossi; it wasn't unusual for Rossi to call but he rarely called on a weekend or this early in the day. She had hoped it wasn't a case.

XXXXX

_"Prentiss here," she answered as she would if she were still at the office._

_"Emily?" said a male voice which she was pretty sure belonged to Rossi but he was whispering._

_" Dave?" she asked. _

_"Yes Emily it's me, I wonder if you could come over here, Reids here and there's something not right with him," _

_Emily felt an iciness wash over her. She was pretty certain she knew what that something was. She didn't even bother to ask him anythng else. Something had been brewing for quite a while with Reid. _

_"I'll be there shortly, I'm already in my car,." she replied. _

_"Thank you Emily,"_

_Prentiss could hear the relief in his voice. She said goodbye and stepped on the gas. She would call her mother and cancel which would probably upset her but Rossi needed her, Reid needed her._

_XXXX _

_Emily made it to Rossi's in record time, probably breaking several laws along the way. David was already at the door waiting for her when she arrived. His brow creased with worry. his face drawn like he hadn't slept_

_"Cmon in, have a seat," he told her_

_She followed Dave to his kitchen area and sat down at the counter. He poured her a coffee and fussed with something on the stove as if he were stalling for time, to put off telling her some bad news. His behavior was very un-Rossi like, which made her worry all the more._

_"Rossi, what is it?" she asked gently._

_He met her eyes and then proceeded to tell her about last night, of how he found Reid in the street and his odd behavior, plus the fact he was still sleeping 14 hours after he went to bed. _

_"He freaked out when I mentioned talking to Hotch. Emily, he looked high as a kite, not drunk but stoned on some kind of drug. I think he might have been slipped something or he's experimenting with some bad stuff with some bad people." _

_Emily listened, Rossi didn't know about Reid. She wasn't sure before. Reid's drug addiction was the BAUs worst kept secret. She assumed everyone knew but it was not something anyone talked about. Rossi continued to tell her more._

_" I was checking on him all night to see if he were still breathing. At one point I almost put a mirror up to his nostrils just to be sure, like we used to with my great Uncle Nunzio."_

_Emily could see Rossi was exhausted and worried. She knew she had to tell him._

_"Rossi, there's something you should know." She took a deep breath "I have to ask you something first. When I tell you this, I am not telling you as one FBI agent to as a friend.. It has to stay between us "._

_"Of course, " he answered._

_Emily began to tell Rossi of how Reid was kidnapped, tortured and drugged against his will, this much he already knew .What he didn't know was that Reid had become addicted to the drug he was injected with. It was never reported and Reid had managed to kick the addiction by himself. It seemed now he might have slipped somehow and was using again. _

_Emily searched Rossi's face looking for signs of disgust or anger. There was none, only sadness._

_"Why would he start using again ?" he asked her_

_Emily shrugged "I don't know..." the two stopped speaking. They could hear footsteps on the stairs. They both turned to see Reid walking towards them still wearing A pair of Rossi's sweatpants and t shirt. Emily thought he looked like he had been put through a ringer. She smiled at him and patted the barstool beside her._

_"Hi sleepyhead, come have a seat," she said._

_He sat down but he was wary, what was she doing here? Rossi handed him a hot cup of coffee. The two of them seemed abnormaly cheerful and he didn't trust it. He sipped his coffee slowly, unaware his hands were shaking._

_"What are you doing here Emily?" he asked, though he was looking at David. _

_"Rossi invited me." she said over the rim of her coffee cup._

_"Why?" he gave her a stony stare._

_Prentiss leaned over and laid her hand over his."Because we think you might need some help and we're here for you," she said softly._

_He pulled his hand away. "I don't know what you're talking about." he snapped " he stood up and faced Rossi "Where are my clothes? "_

_"Reid... " Rossi began._

_"Where are my clothes, ?" he asked again but this time there was an edge to his voice._

_""They're in the laundry room but I think you should listen to what .." _

_"I'm sick of listening to both of you," he marched out of the room , he found his clothes and went upstairs. they heard the door of the guest room slam. Prentiss and Rossi remained silent waiting for him to return. Emily was aware Spencer was starting to go through withdrawal, he wanted a hit and if he didn't get it soon this was going to turn ugly._

_Finally Reid returned, dressed in his usual cords and sweater. He was starting to fidget a bit and there was a fine sheen of sweat on his forehead. _

_"I need my car keys," he said._

_"Reid please, at least eat something, look I made us all some scrambled eggs. He put a plate in front of Emily and she dug in. _

_Spencer felt his stomach cramp and the sight and smell of the food was nausuating. His nose wrinkled in disgust. _

_"No, I want to go, where are the keys to my car.?" he was louder now._

_Rossi sat down and started to eat his eggs. "I don''t think that's a good idea Reid, you should stay,"_

_Reid just stared at him disbelievingly "Where are my fucking keys," he said between clenched teeth, his stomach cramped up again which made him bend over a little bit in pain_

_Rossi noticed, "What's wrong?" _

_"GIVE ME MY KEYS, I"M NOT A PRISONER HERE," he yelled. He felt his guts spasm again, he grabbed the back of the chair as the pain made him unsteady._

_Rossi went to his side to help him. He shoved the older man away._

_"Fuck you, I'll walk." Reid straightened up as best he could and headed for the door. Prentiss and Rossi followed him. Rossi put his hand on his shoulder and spun him around._

_"Reid stay here and hear us out, you know there's a part of you that wants to. If you can't at least do that I'll have to call..." he hesitated unsure _

_"What? what are you going to do, call Hotch?" Reid snarled at him._

_"No, I'll call Strauss." he said quietly._

_Both older agents saw the colour leave his face. He looked deflated and worn out. He held his hand over his stomach as it still pained him. _

_"I need to sit down," he said._

_Prentiss took his arm and led him to the sofa. He fell back on to the couc,. he looked up at Prentiss , there were tears welling in his eyes. _

_"What am I going to do?" he asked her. Her heart went out to him but she had to be careful; there was no better manipulater than an addict._

_She sat down beside him and took his hand. "We are going to figure out how to help you and get you clean." _

_"You're not alone Reid, you have us," Rossi told him,"How about I make you toast and weak tea," _

_"Rossi thinks everything can be solved with food " joked Prentiss._

_"Could you make it a coffee instead," asked Reid._

_"Sure, coming right up, anything you want,"Rossi said as he went back to the kitchen._

_"It's the least you can do since this is all your fucking fault," Reid said under his breath._

_Prentiss frowned at him, was Reid blaming Rossi for his addiction? "What did you say?" she asked._

_He turned to look at her, his eyes had turned cold and hard. _

_"Nothing,"_

_XXXXX_

_Rossi believed he had won some small victory in getting Reid to stay in his house longer, but he didn't think he could of done it without Prentiss. Reid trusted her, and he was fairly certain Emily had some feelings for the young man that went beyond just plain friendship. The three of them had sat in the livingroom and they tried not to stare as Spencer picked at his toast and downed several cups of coffee. He looked miserable._

_Prentiss explained to him that they knew he was using, It was obvious. Reid merely closed his eyes and nodded as she told him they were willing to keep his secret if he made an effort to help himself. He could detox right here at Rossi's, they would stay with him and help and take him to a hospital if it became necesary. It wasn't much of a plan but it was all they had right now. Prentiss suggested he could go to his meetings or call his sponsor. She would take him and wait. _

_She wanted to say she would do anything to not lose him._

_He remained quiet while they spelled out his options. He couldn't look them in the eye, his shame and his humiliation were overwhelming They knew what he was. That alone was enough to make him sick. _

_"You wont tell Hotch?" He asked for the second time._

_"Not unless we have to, It's all up to you now," Rossi answered truthfully._

_Reid kept his head down, he felt trapped and scared and a myriad of other emotions tore away at his brain. _

_The last time he did this alone, maybe this time with help... _

_He was afraid to even think he might be able to conquer this again. They were not truly giving him any choice. His career was on the line. It hadn't occurred to him til now his life was on the line as well. He realized that last night he had taken unknown drugs from a total stranger._

_"Ok ," was all he said._

_Prentiss and Rossi both breathed a sigh of relief. They looked at each other and then at Reid. He was resting his head in his hands trying to hide that he was silently crying ._

_XXXXXX_

_If Reid was scared, Prentiss and Rossi were equally frightened. They had both known and loved people who abused drugs in one form or another but they had never witnessed anyone detox in front of them before. Prentiss had gotten out of Reid that he had done this before alone, right after Gideon left. Her heart broke thnking of how he must have suffered through that with no one to help him. He also scared her by saying they should probably seek medical help if he should have seizures or go into cardiac arrest. Rossi's face paled and suggested they take him to a hospital now. Reid threatened to walk out. He assured them that it was unlikely anything like that would happen._

_He really didn't know. _

_Rossi locked up his liquor, and removed any over the counter drugs from his medicine cabinets. Prentiss made an effort to distract Reid with whatever she could. As evening approached the three sat and tried to watch a movie. Emily noticed Reid was shaking, she moved to the couch beside him and held his hand .He was cold and clammy; Rossi wrapped a blanket around him and offered him some food .Reid snapped at him and told David to leave him alone. _

_His stomach pains were returning, this time they were worse, intense, sharp spasms that seemed to last forever. He went to the bathroom hoping to get rid of his stomach contents one way or the other. He vomited up what little he had in his stomach, then returned to the living room and sat down on the couch. The pains did not ease off. He was angry that they were making him do this. Prentiss laid a a cool cloth on his forehead which he threw off _

_"Go away," he spat at her. _

_"Tell me what you need," she said. _

_"I need something to stop this pain you stupid bitch," _

_Prentiss barely flinched, she knew this was not Reid talking, it was the drugs. _

_Rossi on the other hand couldn't get used to a foul mouthed Reid._

_"Reid, c'mon take it easy," Rossi said gently scolding him_

_Reid glared at the older man. "You don't like me this way? tough! This is what withdrawal looks like. Congratulate yourself David, this is your doing,." Reid curled into himself and then hurried to the bathroom again. They heard him gagging and retching. There was nothing left for him to bring up anymore. He emerged from the bathroom looking weaker than before. he practically fell into the sofa._

_Rossi came from the kitchen carrying a bowl of soup and set in down in front of Reid. Spencer shoved the bowl away spilling most of it on the fine wool carpet._

_"Why wont you listen to me you egotistical arrogant asshole," Reid shrieked at him."I don't want your food,"_

_Rossi raised his eyebrows. "I want to help you," he told him_

_Reid laughed in his face "YOU want to help ME,?"_

_"Reid, we both want to help you," said Prentiss._

_He looked at her his eyes wide "I'm sure YOU do, but agent aging Lothario here only helps when it doesn't inconvenience him or.. or.."_

_Reid bent over caught by another spasm. He wrapped his arms around himself in an effort to contain his pain. Suddenly a gush of thick red liquid erupted from his mouth and splattered down the front of his shirt. He began to choke and gasp and moan in pain. Emily caught him as he started to keel over sideways._

_"Fuck!" Spencer groaned._

_"Emily, I think we need an ambulance, I'm calling 911 ; he's vomiting blood," said a horrified Rossi._

_Emily sat with Reids head on her lap holding on to him tightly not caring that red liquid dribbled out of his mouth onto her. Reid gasped out Rossi's name and held out his hand to the older man._

_"David, no no please don't call," begged Reid._

_Rossi knelt down beside him and took his hand "Kid, you're sick, you need a doctor." _

_Reid held on tight to the older man's hand to stop him from leaving him. "No, it's not blood, it's not blood," he gasped out._

_Prentiss and Rossi looked at each other confused. There was a definite smell they recognized. Reid was right, he hadn't vomited up blood. David stood and ran to the bathroom Reid has used earliar, he searched the small cupboard under the sink and there it was, an empty bottle of perscription cough syrup, cherry flavoured. It had expired two years ago. Rossi 's doctor had perscribed it for a bad case of bronchitis he'd had. He had forgot about it. Reid had drank the whole bottle. He returned to the living room and showed it to Emily. _

_"Codeine in it," he said_

_She was pissed off but relieved. Reid wasn't hermoraging. _

_"Did you drink that whole bottle Reid?" she asked him. She felt his head nod yes. _

_She and David exchanged looks, they had forgotten how wily Reid could be. His breathing was starting to calm down. _

_"Reid, we're going to take you upstairs to the bedroom and get you cleaned up. Do you think you can stand?" Prentiss asked. She said nothing about the cough syrup; she knew it was addict behavior._

_Reid said yes, he got up and stood on unsteady feet. Rossi got on his other side to help him up the stairs. Reid shook him off angrily._

_"No, I only want Emily," he said, sounding like a petulant child. Rossi backed off; he was willing to put his hurt feelings aside, though he was curious to why Reid was so hostile with him in particular. He watched as Prentiss slowly led Spencer to the upstairs bedroom. He hoped she could get him to settle down._

_Emily managed to get Reid and herself into a clean shirt. She washed his face and hands for him and made him sip some water. His hands shook so bad he was unable to hold anything. He laid down on the bed and curled up into a ball. Within minutes he was up again and vomiting in to the toilet. He staggered back to the bedroom and flopped down on the bed. She heard him murmur something against the pillow._

_She leaned forward. "What did you say Reid?" _

_He turned his head, "You must think I deserve this?" he said._

_"Oh Reid no!" She got on the bed and let him rest his head on her lap,"I would never think that, no one this deserves this," she assured him._

_He was still shaking, she rubbed soothing circles on his back, This seemed to calm him a little. She asked him a question that had been nagging at her since this this afternoon._

_"Reid, why are you so angry with Rossi, why do you blame him?" she said softly._

_She heard him sigh. _

_"Emily, remember that case with the trucker and his daughter," he said _

_How could she ever forget that poor little girl "Yes I remember,"_

_"Rossi and I were at the dump site for one of the bodies, he made me go down this ditch to check it out. He didn't want to dirty his new Italian leather boots. I reinjured my knee that day, the pain was excruciating. You know I have never taken any pain medication for my knee even when I was first shot, but I did after that. Thats when the cycle started again." She heard his voice hitch_

_"Oh Spencer," she whispered, holding him tighter. _

_"It all sounds so fucking stupid now, how could I be so stupid?" his voice was filled with emotion as he berated himself._

_Emily murmured soothing words and rubbed his back until finally he began to drift off. He fell asleep, she hoped sleep would offer him a few hours of peace._

_Outside the bedroom, out of sight of Prentiss and Reid, David stood in the hallway with his back against the wall. He was trying to come to terms with what he had just heard. He was shocked to learn that his one stupid thoughtless act had caused all this._

_XXXX_

Emily woke up, it was early morning. Reid was sitting on the side of the bed looking worn out. He turned around and gave her a small smile.

"How are you?" she asked.

"Not great, better than yesterday I guess," he answered. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands "My head's killing me."

Emily sat up and took his hand. He was still trembling. "Do you think you can eat something, Rossi's probably been cooking already."

Reid closed his eyes at the sound of Rossi's name. "After last night, I doubt he wants to cook for me,"

Prentiss shook her head, "Don't worry about that, Dave is too smart to take the things you said to heart. He knows you didn't mean any of it."

"I hope so, I just need to take a shower first, I think I smell," He said wrinkling his nose.

Prentiss laughed,"Sure go ahead, come downstairs when you're done," She watched Reid go into the bathroom and shut the door, Rossi had made sure there were no medicines of any kind left in there. She heard the shower turn on.

"Got everything you need in there?" she called.

"Yup," was his short reply. Satisfied he was alright she went downstairs to join Rossi in the kitchen. True to form he was bent over his gas range stirring a pot of what looked like oatmeal.

Emily helped herself to a coffee and sat down.

"How's the patient?" said Rossi, not turning around.

"Better than last night, still pretty shakey but aware enough to feel embarassed by last night," she told him

"Good good," he said.

Prentiss noticed David still had his back to her and there was something strange about his voice.

"Rossi is everything ok?," she asked.

Rossi turned around, wearing a haggard expression. Prentiss wondered if this was taking an emotional toll on him. Rossi was tough but he was still human.

"I heard what Reid said last night when you talked to him, why he blames me," He told her. She could see the guilt in his eyes. "This is my fault,"

Prentiss looked him straight in the eye.

"Rossi, Reid had a drug problem long before you even met him, " she said in her most no nonsense voice.

"Yes, but I triggered the relapse with my stupidity. I remember that day, I thought it was funny. Why didn't he tell me he hurt himself?"

Emly slowly shook her head. "Look, It just happened, it could have been anything or anyone that triggered a relapse. Dispite the way he has been treating you I don't think Reid blames anybody but himself. Trust this from someone who's been on the receiving end of Reid's withdrawal wrath before,"

" Really ?" he said, surprised to hear this.

"Uh huh, so lets just get through this day,"

Rossi clapped his hands together as if he were extinguishing negative thoughts from the air

"Agreed, pity party over, lets get this kid down here." He looked up at the ceiling, they could still hear the shower running.

"He's taking an awlfully long shower, don't you think?" Rossi commented.

Prentiss put her coffee cup down "Yes, he is, maybe we should go and check on him,"

Prentiss hurried up the stairs followed by Rossi. They went to the bathroom door and knocked.

"Hey Reid, you ok in there," she yelled.

There was no answer, she knocked louder," Reid," she yelled again. Still silence, now she was getting worried. This time Rossi yelled over the noise of the running water.

"Reid, it's Rossi I'm gonna come in alright," His reply was more silence. He turned the door knob surprised to find it wasn't locked. Prentiss peered over David's shoulder; the shower curtain was drawn. She was terrified they were going to find an unconsious or worse, dead Reid lying in the tub. Rossi threw the curtain open.

The shower was empty.

The two profilers raced down the stairs to the laundry room. Reid's clothes were gone as well. The same thought entered both their minds at the same time

"The car!" They dashed outside to find the only vehicles parked outside belonged to them.

"Son of a bitch!" Rossi exclaimed.

'"He managed to sneak out and drive away while we were talking," Prentiss said, incredulous he had tricked them so easily.

Emily crossed her arms and stared down the empty road.

"What do we do now?" she said.

"Find him," said Rossi.

There was now a frosty determination in his voice.

TBC.

AN: Hope you like this chapter. Please read and review and thank you for all the other reviews. I appreciate it.


	23. Chapter 23

**Finding Reid**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

_'Everytime you entered a room, I could never be sure of a smile, you were never the same way twice.'_ ~ Blue Rodeo.

XXXXXX

Reid kept an watchful eye on his rearview mirror as he sped down the road. He wanted to see if Rossi's or Prentiss's car was speeding up behind him. When he felt satisfied they were't following him, he slowed down and began to breathe a little easier.

Finally after a few twists and turns in an unfamiliar neighbourhood he pulled his car into the parking lot of a busy shopping mall and parked. His hands were shaking so bad it had become difficult to drive.

"Now what?" he said out loud. He rolled down the window of his ancient Volvo and took some deep breaths of fresh air. It helped. it made him feel as if a little of the fog that surrounded his brain had lifted a little. He had to make a plan because what he had just done was completely unplanned.

When Prentiss left him in the bathroom to take a shower; he had fully intended on taking one and joining them downstairs. Then it suddenly occurred to him that this was probably the first time in several days he had been left alone for any length of time. How easy it would be to just sneak downstairs, grab his clothes and find his car keys, which turned out to be pretty simple as Rossi had merely put them on his night stand in his room. He could leave as they sat drinking their morning coffee. It had been so easy, except what the hell was he supposed to do now?

XXXXXX

Morgan pulled into Rossi's driveway. Prentiss had called him not quite half a hour ago. He had been at home lounging in his favourite sweats when the phone rang. The second he heard Prentiss's voice he knew something was off. She sounded stressed and upset.

"Derek, I'm at Rossi's, we need you to come over here right now," she had said.

"Hey Princess, what's the matter?" .

"It's about Reid, he's in trouble."

Derek didn't bother asking anything else, "I'l be right there," was all he said and hung up. Within minutes he was dressed and in his car headed to Rossi's.

He had barely got out of his car when he saw David open the front door and gesture for him to come in. Rossi, who was usually a man who took pride in his appearance looked haggard and worn out and every inch his age. Emily, who sat on the living room couch wasn't faring much better. She clutched a coffee cup in her hands and looked up and gave Morgan a small smile when he walked into the room. He sat down beside her.

"Ok I'm here, would somebody mind telling me what the hell is going on and where Reid is?"

"We don't know, he took off in his car, he sneaked out of the house," answered Rossi.

Morgan blinked. "He sneaked out of the hous... what, were you keeping him captive?" Morgan joked.

"I stayed with him last night in Rossi's guest room. I thought he was taking a shower this morning. The next thing we knew he was driving off in his car, it's my fault," said Prentiss sadly.

Rossi reached over and patted her hand "Emily, I brought him home Friday night, got him to stay here, I probably should have taken him to a hospital, this is more my fault than anyones,"

Morgan kept glancing back and forth between the two profilers, more confused than ever.

"Rossi you didn't even know, you thought somebody else drugged him," Emily said.

"Woah woah whoa! now I know today is not April fools day. So one of you two better start explaining what's going on." Morgan ordered.

They both turned to look at him, nodded at each as if they had come to some kind of decision.

"Reid is taking drugs again, it's pretty bad," Prentiss said, the calmness of her voice belying the turmoil she felt inside.

Morgan fell back against the couch. He was surprised but then again he wasn't. He figured that there had been something going on for quite a awhile now. He just hadn't wanted to believe it was drugs. Lots of addicts relapsed but this was Spencer Reid they were talking about, not some brainless junkie. How could Reid do such a thing and why?

He looked over at his two friends. They both looked upset and guilty.

"Ok, why don't you tell me what happened here and start at the beginning," said Morgan.

Rossi began to telll Morgan about finding Reid in an alleyway about to pass out and bringing him back to his house. Morgan sat up and listened. Then Emily finished the story ending with her trusting Reid to get ready by himself and his eventual "escape".

Morgan slowly shook his head.

"The only mistake you two made was doing what many of us have fallen victim to"

"What's that," asked Emily.

"Underestimating Spencer Reid and the power of that gigantic brain of his," Morgan told her. Morgan noticed Rossi silently staring at the floor.

"Rossi, what's up,"

"Emily didn't tell you everything, she neglected to tell you the reason why Reid went back on the drugs."

Emily rolled her eyes at the older man. "Rossi, I thought we discussed this. You are not to blame."

Derek narrowed his eyes at the two."Tell me," he said.

Rossi started explaining how many months ago as a joke he left Reid to climb down and out of a ditch by himself even when he called Rossi for help.

"Apparently he reinjured his leg, badly it seems and he started in with the pain killers then eventually didlaudid." Rossi finished his tale with a deep sigh.

Morgan closed his eyes again and ran his hands over his face. He felt furious with Rossi and yet at the same time he was just as angry at Spencer. Why did this man feel he had to hide everything. He could have helped him. Suddenly everything made sense. All the weird behavoir for all these months. The strangeness that he put down to Reid just being Reid.

He looked over at Rossi, the man looked devastated. David Rossi was not a man who wore his emotions on his sleeve but he could see that this had really affected him. The man cared deeply about Spencer in a way that Gideon wasn't capable of. Gideon dispite all his brilliance and wisdom had abandoned Reid when the going got tough.

"Are we going to tell Hotch?" asked Prentiss.

"Not yet, not unless we have to. We have to find Reid first." answered Rossi.

XXXXXX

Reid thought he couldn't just sit here in his car all day long. He thought about going back to his apartment but he was afraid they might just be there waiting for him and he wasn't ready for that. He held his fists up against his forehead, his head was throbbing. his body ached. He wished he could just sleep or better yet had just one little dose of his drug. He could imagine the instant numbing, the waning of the aches and pain, that unbelievable rush of pleasure that he got from nothing else.

He opened his eyes and stared out the car window. He watched the Sunday shoppers heading to the mall. Some noticed him and gave him a strange look as they passed by. He supposed he did look a little odd sitting there sweating and grimacing and probably talking to himself.

It occurred to him that he could just turn his vehicle around and head back to Rossi's house. He hadn't been gone very long. He could apologize, say he just wanted to get some air. His mind dismissed the idea immediately. They only wanted to judge and control him. Returning to Rossi's was no longer an option. He knew there was one place he could go. He was given the number two days ago on a napkin. It didn't matter whether he had the napkin or not. His eidetic memory stored it the milosecond he looked at it. He thought about going to _her_ apartment but he had a strange feeling she wasn't ever going to be returning there.

He found his cell in the glove box, with an unsteady hand he pushed in the numbers from the napkin and waited, half hoping the man wouldn't answer and at the same time terrified that he wouldn't. He answered on the 4th ring.

"Hellooo, " he answered in a long lazy drawl.

"Hi, um it's me... from the bar the other night," Spencer stammered.

There was silence for a moment. "Ah yes, my new favourite customer, how are you?" The man sounded amused.

"Ah ah, I need .. I want something, we talked about it, remember,"

"Hmmm, let me see, ah yes I do remember."

Reid bit his lip, this bastard wasn't going to make it easy for him,"I would like to see you this morning."

"Ohh I don't think so, I don't usually work on Sunday or out of my home. Call me later in the week."

"Please, it wont take a minute, I promise, please." Reid knew the man wanted him to beg and was toying with him.

"Oh alright, bring cash. See what a sweetheart I am, I have just what you need because I thought you might call, chop chop baby,"

He told Reid the address. Spencer threw down the phone the moment he had it. Talking to this creature made him feel dirtier than he already did. He started the car and took off as fast as the speed limit would allow. The last thing he needed now was some cop pulling him over.

XXXXX

Rossi paced about his living room. "What we need to do now is think like Reid," he stated.

"That's impossible," said Prentiss.

"She's right, we may be able to get into the heads of a dozen different serial killers but there's no blueprint for Reid's brain." added Morgan.

Rossi stopped pacing ."You're correct, but we do have some insight on how an addict thinks."

Prentiss shivered and wrapped her arms around herself.

"You ok ?" asked Rossi.

She shook her head, "No I'm not, calling Reid an addict, profiling him. It just feels so wrong."

"I know Prentiss, but we're trying to save his life," said Morgan softly.

" Now what have we got? We called his house, his cell he has turned off. No surprises there. He'll be wanting some drugs, going to his dealer." said Rossi.

"Hey, do you think that's where he was when you found him?" asked Morgan suddenly.

Rossi's eyes widened "Shit, I can't believe I forgot, I'm an idiot," he rushed out of the room. Before Prentiss or Morgan had a chance to ask what the hell he was doing, he was back with a crumpled napkin in his hand. He held it up with a triumphant grin on his face.

"I think we have the dealers number!"

XXXXX

The address Reid was given took him to an old industrial part of town. It was in an area that was on the cusp of being hip and trendy. Old warehouses were slowly being converted to expensive high end loft spaces. A shakey elevator took him to a second story loft . The doors opened to a large brightly lit room. The man he had met the other night grinned at him from a large sectional sofa, beside him sat a young woman who wore the same bored look as the women he was with at the bar. They seemed interchangible. The room reeked of pot and the scent of stale booze hung in the air and if he wasn't mistaken a slight odour of vomit as well. The young man was wearing striped pyjama pants and was shirtless. He patted the sofa cushion

"C'mon man, make yourself at home"

Spencer stood unsteadily in front of him."No thank you, I have to be going," he said. He wanted to get this over with; the smell of the place was making him nauseous.

The man shrugged and tapped the woman on the shoulder. "Baby, got some business to do, go watch tv," She sneered at him but did as she was told none the less. He got up and went to a small safe, unlocked it and retrieved the two bottles that held the clear pale liquid that Spencer craved. Reid could feel his mouth watering at the sight of them. Suddenly the man turned and tossed them to Spencer. Taken by surprise Reid dove for them and managed to catch them before they hit the floor. He could hear the heartless laugh of the drug dealer.

The man was still laughing as he flopped back down on the couch. He looked at Spencer sprawled on the floor clutching his dilaudid.

"Ok baby my turn, pay up," he said cheerfully.

Reid slowly got up from the floor and handed him the cash. He had stopped at an ATM machine on the way and withdrew what he usually paid the woman.

The man looked over the amount and frowned.

"Oh I think you made a mistake. You see I only deal in the best quality. I am high end and I charge a little more than your former ahh service. You are two hundred short."

"That's all I have on me, it's what I usually pay." Reid said, flustered this was taking so long.

The man tapped his fingers on the arm of the sofa, he studied Spencer carefully and finally he smiled.

He leaned back on the couch and spread his legs, he grazed one hand lazily over his crotch.

"You know, sometimes I don't mind a little trade off. Tit for tat or dick for tat in this case," he laughed at his own joke.

Reid thought he was going to be sick to his stomach. He stood frozen on the carpet not knowing what to say.

Suddenly the man burst out laughing. "Fuck man, you should see your face. I was fucking with you. Now go, get the fuck out. you can owe me. If you don't pay I'll find you."

Spencer turned and didn't stop walking until he was outside. He leaned heavily against the old brick building. Without warning the entire contents of his stomach spilled out onto the dirty sidewalk. He stood there vomiting and retching until he could hardly breathe and tears rolled down his face. He managed to stumble back to his car and put it into drive. He didn't care where he went. He just wanted to put as much distance between himself and where he just was as possible.

XXXXXX

Rossi held up the napkin excitedly "I found this in Reid's jacket the other night. I thought it was a number he got from a girl or something,"

"Seriously Rossi, a girl?," Morgan said, raising his eyebrow.

"Well I sure as hell didn't think it was Reid's drug dealer." he snapped.

Morgan took the napkin and inspected it. "It's got the name of the bar on it, you think he might be there?"

"No, it wouldn't be open now and I think we should be a little more discreet don't you." said Prentiss.

"Well, let's call the number, " Rossi picked up his phone and dialed the number. There was no answer.

Rossi hung up "Well, any ideas?"

Morgan grinned and took the phone out of his hand."You forgot something else," He said as he dialed the phone again.

"We have a secret weapon. Hello babygirl, it's me Derek," He winked at his two partners.

Prentiss and Rossi couldn't help but smile.

XXXXXX

TBC.

AN: Hoped you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know what you think. Your reviews are welcome and also motivating.

Please read and review.


	24. Lost Profiler

**Lost Profiler**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

XXXXXX

_'An intelligent person can rationalize anything, a wise person doesn't try.' _~Jen knox.

xxxxxxx

The three profilers didn't waste any time getting in Morgan's car once they learned the address of the person they believed to be Reid's drug dealer.

"Okay Garcia, do you have any other information on this guy?" said Prentiss as she put her phone on speaker."

"Yes mon ami, I do. This creep's name is Martin Robert Ellis, 27 years old. He's had several arrests for drug possession as a teen, his father got him off. He attended a business school which he dropped out of after a year and went on a series of dead end jobs. Right now he is not gainfully employed but you wouldn't be able to tell by the thousands of dollars worth of high end purchases he puts on his credit that help?"

"It certainly does mama, thank you," said Morgan.

"Any time, anywhere huggie bear," she replied. "Just find out where our boy is. Garcia out."

They spent the rest of the drive in silence. All three were thinking of Reid and how they couldn't help feel they had failed him again.

"This is it," said Morgan as he pulled the vehicle in front of the warehouse like building. They jumped out of the car and rang the buzzer to the loft owned by Ellis.

"Martin Ellis, I need to speak to you, let us in." barked Rossi.

There was a few seconds of silence and then they heard what sounded like a giggle.

"C'mon in," he almost sang.

The three looked at each other surprised that he let them in so easily. They didn't waste any time getting into the elevator that took them to Ellis's apartment.

The doors opened to the brightly lit stylish loft. Martin Ellis was there to greet them still wearing his pyjama pants and no shirt.

"It smells like grass in here," said Prentiss.

"Smells like puke too," added Rossi, his nose wrinkling in disgust.

Ellis smirked and made a grand sweeping gesture towards his large couch. He flopped down and grinned at the three like he hadn't a care in the world. Morgan moved toward him. He held up the restaurant napkin with the phone number on it.

We're looking for our friend, he had your phone number on this napkin. Now we want to know if you saw him today and where he went."

Ellis leaned forward and pretended to study the napkin.

"Nope sorry,don't know anything about it," said breezily. He lit a cigarette and blew the smoke towards Morgan's face.

"Bullshit!, said Rossi as he advanced on the younger man. He sat down on the coffee table in front of Ellis and leaned in close.

"Now let's try this again. You know who we're talking about. It's very important we find him."

Ellis smirked and shrugged and took another drag of his ciagarette.

Rossi turned around and raised an eyebrow at Morgan. Morgan gave him a careful nod as if to say_ ' go ahead man' _

Rossi leaned closer and his lips curved into a slow smile. He reached over and removed the cigarette from Ellis's hand.

"Maybe I'm not making myself clear Martin Robert Ellis. It's not only very important to us but even more so to our Boss. He's someone who just doesn't have my sense of humour or my patience, who knows how he would react."

The smirk on Ellis's face disappeared. Rossi knew calling someone by their entire name usually threw them off and a vague open ended threat was far more frightening than a real one.

The drug dealer sat up straighter "Look I just met the guy the other night; his usual dealer was not around. He came here today, I sold him his stuff, even though he was short a couple of bills for it. Ha ha I told him he could suck my dick to pay for the rest"

He stopped laughing as he saw the the younger of the two men clenching his fists.

"Whoa man, I didn't make him do it, I was kidding" he squeaked.

Rossi held up his hand to stay Morgan.

"Where did he go?"

"I don't know, I'm telling the truth, once I get paid I don't give a shit."

The three profilers knew he was telling the truth. He couldn't help them find Reid.

Rossi stood up,"What did he buy and how much?"

"Dilaudid, enough to choke a fucking horse," he answered. He just wanted these three out of his apartment.

"We're leaving, but if you ever sell to him again, you'll have to answer to our boss, understood,"

"Yeah yeah, understood,"

Much to Ellis's relief the three left.

XXXXX

Reid parked his Volvo in a parking lot as far away from other cars and people as he could. He had taken a hit. He felt good. The weight lifted from his shoulders and he could feel himself float outside his body. He was pain free for the first time in days. He closed his eyes and succumbed to the effects of the drug. He found himself in a sweet dreamless oblivion. The didlaudid wrapped it's tenacles around him like an old posessive lover.

It was the rain pelting against his windshield that woke him up. He looked outside at the darkness. He felt a brief panic. What time was it?, how long had he been here? He peered out at the empty parking lot. Everyone had left. He saw that on his passemger seat he had carelessly left his vials and syringe where anyone could have looked in the car and seen them. He gathered them up quickly and threw them in his messenger bag.

He didn't feel so great anymore, his high was beginning to wear off. Reid started the car and pullled out of the parking lot. Unsure of where to go, he headed back to his apartment. Tears began to roll down his face as he never felt so lost and alone in his life. He was well aware they might be waiting for him when he got home. It was a chance he had to take; he couldn't just drive around aimlessly forever.

His knee began to throb from being cramped up in the driving seat for so long. His stomach gurgled because it was empty even though the thought of food made him want to vomit.

He pulled onto his street. He didn't see any sign of his friends or their vehicles "_Good_" he thought but the idea that they had finally given up on him filled him with an intense sadness. He was still crying as he walked into his empty apartment. He dropped down on the floor.

"I can't do this any more" he said aloud.

Reid dumped the contents of his bag on the floor and began to rifle through his belongings til he found the dilaudid and syringe. He got up and stumbled to the bathroom. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and hated the stranger that stared back at him.

"I'm going to kill you," he whispered. "I hate you, I fucking hate you," and by some drug induced trick of the mind he thought he could hear his reflection whisper back. "I hate you too."

XXXXX

Rossi, Morgan and Prentiss were back at Rossi's house. They were exhausted, worried and overwrought. They had searched for Reid for hours and had been to his apartment twice. Garcia had been checking in every hour becoming more upset with each call.

Rossi sat with his head resting on his hands.

"What do we do Rossi, do you think it's time we tell Hotch what's going on?" asked Prentiss.

"I don't see what choice we have," said Morgan.

Rossi shook his head. "No, once Hotch knows, he_ will _report it this time and it will be all over for Reid."

"From where I'm sitting it might be all over for Reid anyway." Morgan stated. "This is too big for us, he needs more help than we can give him"

Rossi clenched his fists out of frustration "Why did I leave him in that fucking ditch, what the hell is wrong with me?" he spat out angrily.

Morgan didn't answer but Prentiss moved over and sat down beside Rossi on the couch.

Rossi looked at her and shook his head "I'm sorry Emily, but telling me this isn't my fault doesn't help because the facts are, if i hadn't left him in that ditch we wouldn' t be here right now"

"I'm not so sure about that, Dave," she said calmly.

"What do you mean?" he said.

"If it hadn't had been you it would have been something else. You are not the first man to leave Spencer stranded in a place he had to fight to get out of. His father did that a long time ago. So did Gideon, he left when Reid was first hooked on drugs and dispite his cries for help he didn't help him."

"None of us did," said Morgan softly.

"We can try to help him now," she answered.

"That's if we can find hi..." Morgan was interupted by his cell. He saw that it was Garcia calling again.

"Sorry babygirl, no sign of him," he said, turning on the speaker.

"Well Boo I have a sign. He turned his cell on," she said excitedly.

"What?" the three agents snapped to attention.

"Garcia where is he?" Prentiss practically shouted.

"I traced his phone to his apartment, he made a short call to Las Vegas,"

The three looked at each other.

"He called his mother?" said Morgan.

"I guess, I tried to call him but he's not picking up," Garcia said.

No one wanted to think of the implications of why Reid would make a call to his Mom.

"Let's get over there. Baby girl, keep calling him and I love you,"

"Of course you do," she said as she ended their call.

Once again they rushed out into the night, hoping that this time they would find their Reid.

XXXXXX

The drive to Reid's apartment seemed like an eternity. Prentiss got her key out, ready to unlock his door but they were eerily surprised to find that not only was his door not locked it was wide open as well. They saw the mess on the floor where Spencer had dumped his bag.

"Reid, Spencer, are you here?" called Morgan.

Prentiss had walked in ahead of them and checked the other rooms. They saw her standing in the entrance to the bathroom staring at something, seemingly tranfixed by what she saw.

"Guys, I think you had better come in here," she said.

Morgan and Rossi hurried to her side. They too looked with horror at what lay in front of them.

There was no sign of Reid anywhere. On the counter there were two empty vials of Didlaudid sitting beside an used syringe and Reid's phone. They stared in silence until the ringing of Reid's cell startled them out of their trance.

"Reid, are you there," asked an excited Garcia.

"Sorry babygirl, it's just us."

"Is Reid gone?" she asked.

She could hear the deep breath he took before he answered her.

"He might be."

TBC.

AN: Finally finished this chapter, thanks again for your patience . Please Read and review.


	25. Agent Down

**Agent Down**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

_'You must do the things you think you cannot do',~ _Eleanor Roosevelt.

XXXXXXX

Morgan hung up the phone and for a moment the three profilers stood staring at the syringe and empty vials. Rossi broke the silence.

"Look this is crazy, if Reid took all that he'd be lying here dead, not out galavanting somewhere." Rossi reasoned.

Morgan and Emily nodded in agreement.

"Still, he's not here," said Prentiss.

Morgan sighed and ran his hands over his head.

"I think we need to go out again. He can't be far away. How about I search the building, ask the neighbours when they last saw him, Rossi do you want to drive around the neigbourhood, see if you see him walking around," Morgan asked.

"It's worth a shot," Rossi said with a groan. _'I'm getting too old for this shit' _he thought

Prentiss was still transfixed by the vials on the countertop." I'll stay here, in case he comes back. Call me with updates," she said.

Rossi noticed the weariness in her voice and her pained expression. He suspected Emily might have feelings for Reid that were stronger than she was willing to admit.

"Good idea Emily," said Morgan, he was anxious to be going; standing still was not his strong suit.

The two men rushed out. Emily left the door unlocked and walked from room to room. The place was a cluttered mess, much messier than he usually left it. There were clothes and books piled on top of one another everywhere. She walked to the kitchen and inspected the cupboards and fridge. It held expired food and old takeouts. It was like the entire apartment was a metaphor for Reids life. If this is what was going on inside of Reid, how come she didn't notice, why did they always look the other way when he was showing symptoms of serious problems only to come to the rescue when it was almost too late. She realized they may have held their boy genius to different dangerous standards.

_'Why did we let this happen,'_she thought and then _'How could he do this to himself'_

She couldn't stand looking at the room any longer; she grabbed some dish soap and began to fill the sink. She could clean up this mess at least.

XXXXX

JJ yawned and stretched out full length on her sofa; it felt good to relax. Henry had finally fallen asleep. It had taken three stories and one game of I spy before he nodded off.

She saw Will peering intently out their living room window. Something had caught his attention.

"Will, what are you looking at? " asked JJ with a yawn.

"JJ, I think I see Spencer Reid standing outside our front gate staring at the house" he answered.

JJ quickly sat up, "what, in the rain, are you sure it's him?" She went over to the window.

"I'm pretty sure, look for yourself,"

JJ pushed the curtain aside and sure enough just outside their house behind the front gate stood Reid shivering in the rain. She waved at him and motioned for him to come in. He stood there staring .

"Maybe he can't see us," said Will.

JJ felt the hair rising on the back of her neck, something was very wrong. She walked to the closet and threw on a jacket.

"I'll go get him and see what's up," she said.

She stepped out the front door and jogged over to the gate.

"Spence, what are you doing here?" She smiled at him hoping he would smile back, he didn't, he barely acknowledged her. He wasn't dressed for the weather, his shirt was soaked through and small rivelets of water ran down his face. JJ couldn't tell if they were tears or rain.

"Spence, talk to me, what's wrong," she asked in a gentle voice.

Finally he turned and looked at her, his usually bright hazel eyes looked glassy and confused. She felt fairly certain he was on something and that chilled her more than the rain.

"JJ, I.. I... just wanted to tell you I'm sorry." he stammered.

"Sorry for what Spence?"

"For... everything," he said.

"Spence please, your're getting soaked please come in the house," she pleaded.

"No no I can't, Henry's inside. I can't be around Henry like this "

"Spence, Henry's in bed he wont see you, c'mon I'm freezing, " JJ took the profiler by the arm and led him inside.

"Will, get Spence a blanket, he's half frozen" she called. She gently guided her friend to the sofa and made him sit down. She could see the tears welling up in his eyes.

Will came in the room with a thick blanket and handed it to JJ. She wrapped it around Spencer's shoulders.

"Thank you," he murmured. JJ sat next to him and rubbed soothing circles on his back in an effort to comfort him.

"Do you want some coffee, I could make some," volunteered Will. He felt out of his element, he had never seen Spencer like this and JJ always found it difficult to talk about Spencer's problems with drugs. Will never pressed her about the subject.

Spencer shook his head no. JJ felt his forehead, he did seem a little warm.

"So tired," he mumbled. JJ almost couldn't hear him.

"What did you take Spence?" she asked. He turned his haunted face to hers. He expected to see anger or judgement in her eyes but he only saw concern.

"You already know, Jennifer." he said, his voice growing quieter "So so tired," he repeated. He closed hs eyes and fell over sideways against the arm of the couch. JJ felt panic start to creep through her body.

"SPENCE WAKE UP " she ordered. He didn't respond, his beathing seemed shallow and his hands felt cold and clammy. JJ could barely see the rise and fall of his chest.

" Will, call an ambulance I think he might have overdosed," she cried.

Will was already on his cell. JJ shook her friend by the shoulders. She pulled him into a sitting position. His head lolled to the side.

The ambulance is on it's way, " Will told her. He knelt down on the floor and tried to help Reid sit up.

"JJ, JJ," The words came out like thin whispers, his eyes opened to slits and a small smile appeared on his lips.

" Your face is so beautiful, I'm so lucky,"

His eyes glazed over and instead of losing consiousness again he began to shake. His head lolled back and his body went rigid, the shaking started to become more violent.

"Fuck, he's having a seizure; put him on the floor!" Will ordered.

Together they lowered their friend off the sofa and onto the floor on his side.

"Spencer, what did you do? "JJ sobbed. Her usually tough professional manner crumpled at the sight of her friend convulsing on her floor. His eyes were wide and unseeing as his thin body was wracked by spasms. Spittle and blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth, it seemed he had bitten his tongue.

"JJ, it looks worse than it is, just hold him and talk to him," Will said, trying to console his wife. If Will was being truthful he would have told her he was just as frightened as her.

They could both hear the distant wail of sirens.

"The ambulance is coming," Will said, "I 'll go outside".He gave JJ's hand a squeeze as he got up.

"It's going to be ok " he reassured her.

Will made it as far as the front door when both he and JJ heard "DADDY!" from Henry's bedroom.

"Will, Henry can't see this, please go to him," JJ said, She didn't want their three year to witness his Uncle Spence in this condition.

Will said he would make up some story that accounted for all the noise in the livingroom."I'll get him back to sleep, you take care of Spencer."

JJ nodded amd turned her attention back to Reid. His convulsions had stopped, he was now laying there unconscious.

She heard the sirens cease as the ambulance stopped in front of the house. Will had left their door open. Two EMTs rushed into her livingroom pushing a gurney.

"An overdose, what did he take.? The EMT asked.

"I think it was didaudid," she answered as she moved back to let them do their work.

"Are you sure?" he looked at her sharply.

"No not really, dilaudid is his drug of choice,"she said, it felt like such an odd thing to be saying.

The EMT paused for a moment like he was trying to come to some kind of decision. His partner was taking Spencer's blood pressure and shining a light into his eyes.

"His pupils are contricted and his pressure is low," he reported.

He turned to JJ.

"Look, we have a drug here I could inject him with but it could be dangerous if we're not certain of what he took ," he explained.

"Don't do it then, he didn't take the drug here so I 'm not 100 percent certain" The thought of losing him because of her uncertaintly terrrified her.

Will quietly walked into the room and put his arm around her. The couple watched as the Emt's lifted Reid onto the gurney and strapped an oxygen mask on his face. They wheeled him out to the waiting ambulance.

JJ turned to Will .

"JJ, you go with him. I'll take care of Henry," Will said before she could even tell him that's what she wanted to do.

"Thank you Will, I love you," she gave her husband a quick hug and followed the men outside and climbed into the ambulance. The driver slammed the rear door. She sat near Spencer and took hold of one of his hands.

"Please Spence, stay with me." she whispered. She could have sworn she felt him squeeze her hand ever so slightly.

XXXX

JJ was thankful the ride to the hospital was a short one. A thousand things went through her mind at once. She tried to stay with Spencer as they rushed him into the ER but a large nurse stopped her in her tracks.

"I'm sorry Miss but you'll have to stay out here. Someone will be out shortly to talk to you about your husband."

JJ was too upset to correct her. She just stared at the nurse with a stricken look on her face.

The nurse looked at her with sympathy "Please, just sit here, we're going to take good care of him," she said guiding JJ to a chair.

JJ's mind began to clear as she regained some of her composure. She dreaded it but she knew what she had to do. She reached inside her jacket pocket and pulled out her cell phone. She pressed the second number on her list and waited. he answered on the first ring.

"Hello Hotch, it's JJ, I have something I have to tell you."

TBC.

AN: It's not looking good for Reid on so many levels, please read and review.


	26. Chapter 26

**Out in The Open.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

_'A man of character will make himself worthy of any position he is given'. _Mahatma Gandhi

**xxxxxx**

Hotch stood leaning against the wall of the emergency waiting room, his head down, his arms folded across his chest. He felt tired, exhausted really. He looked around the small waiting area and studied his team. Once again they were sitting vigil for one of their own. The only difference this time was that Spencer was not shot or stabbed by an unsub, the damage done was self inflicted. Hotch wasn't sure who to be angry with, Reid or himself. How could he have been so unaware of how far Spencer had fallen.

Garcia sat holding one of JJ's hands, her face was red and swollen from crying. Prentiss sat alone staring straight ahead, picking at her nails. She suddenly stood up and said she was going for coffee. She needed to do something,.anything. Morgan was pacing the floor looking like he wanted to hit something but the formidible looking nurse at the desk threatened she'd have security throw him out if he punched another wall.

Rossi looked utterly shaken. He had confessed to Hotch what had taken place over the last three days and the story about the ditch. The unit chief could not fathom why they had all been so secretive. What did they think he was, an ogre? Certainly he was angry, Spencer should have been hospitalized. The team in their efforts to protect Reid's career, had gambled with his life. Why did they not trust him and more importantly, how did Spencer get this bad and how did he miss such obvious signs in an agent he worked so closely with?

Hotch sighed, there was no way he could cover this up and he was pretty sure he didn't want to. Reid needed more help than they could give him.

Tomorrow he would talk to Strauss, however tonight his main concern was Spencer and that he survive. JJ told him what had happened with Reid at her house. Morgan, Prentiss and Rossi told him about the drug dealer and the empty vials they found at Reid's apt.

Hotch looked up when he saw Prentiss returning with coffee.

"Any news ?" she asked.

Hotch shook his head. He headed to a chair and sat down beside Rossi.

"This is my fault," said Rossi.

Aaron looked at his friend, "How so,?"

"You know, it started with me, I'm the reason he started using again," Dave said.

"Dave, for fucks sake," Hotch said wearily, leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes.

Rossi didn't know what shocked him more, Hotch's attitude or the fact he just said_ fuck._

"Excuse me," he said turning a startled face to Hotch.

Hotch looked over at his friend.

David you are no more to blame than I am. If you want to blame someone, blame Reid for shooting up again, or blame Tobias Hankle for drugging and torturing Reid or better yet let's blame Gidean for bringing a brilliant but inexperienced insecure boy to the BAU. So you see on the list of people to blame you kind of fall to the bottem." stated Aaron in a icy tone.

Rossi said nothing, he nodded. He knew Aaron was right but he couldn't shake his feelings of guilt.

The team fell into a gloomy silence. A half hour passed before they were all brought to their feet by the appearance of a young doctor in scrubs coming from the ER .

the doctor looked at the startled group before him.

"Is there anyone here for Spencer Reid?" he asked.

Hotch stepped forward "I'm Aaron Hotchner, his boss and emergency contact, he has no family here. You can speak to me."

The young physician eyed the small group of people that seemed to suddenly surround them .

"I'd like to speak privately," he stared at the other five people who were hanging on his every word.

Hotch nodded and he and the doctor walked several yards away from the group.

"Do you think Reid is ok?" whispered Garcia.

"I hope so," said Rossi.

The team watched Hotch, he did not look happy as he stood with his arms crossed taking in everything the ER doctor was telling him. They saw the doctor walk away. Hotch remained there for a few minutes. his head down staring at the floor.

"He looks like he doesn't want to come out and tell us bad news," said Garcia her voice breaking into a sob.

"Baby girl, don't let your imagination get the better of you," chided Morgan in a gentle voice, though in reality he was just as frightened as her.

Hotched turned to see the expectant eyes of his team upon him. He thought he should tell them. He took a steadying breath and went back to where they waited..

XXXXX

Reid kept floating in and out of consciousness. At first he heard JJ's sweet voice murmuring soothing words in his ear and her soft hand holding his. The next moment he felt the cool night air and strange hands pulling and tugging at his body and his clothes, Blinding bright lights were shone in his eyes and cold metal instruments pressed against his skin. His mind struggled to make sense of what was happening to him.

It was like his memory had shattered like a piece of glass and he was trying to put the fragments back together. He would black out again and when he briefly came to, strange eyes and a hard efficient voice called him by his name and asked him questions that made no sense. He missed JJ and wanted her to come back. He couldn't listen to to these strangers any longer, he wanted to sleep,he closed his eyes to escape.

XXXXXX

The team felt like they were collectively holding their breath as they watched Hotch slowly walk back to them. He was still staring at the floor and every one of them felt his lack of urgency and eye contact could only mean one thing, he had bad news.

They weren't all that wrong. Hotch was in no hurry, he could feel the eyes of the team upon him and the weight of the responsibilty of what to do next as well. Reid was in serious trouble and in more ways than one. He stopped when the team assembled around him.

Morgan, ever the impatient one was the first to speak "What did the doctor say Hotch, is Reid going to be alright?"

Hotch looked around at their tired worried faces.

"I don't know...the dealer that Prentiss, Rossi and Morgan met and has since been picked up by the DEA didn't give Reid dilaudid"

"What, what the hell did he give him?" demanded Rossi.

"Heroin," Hotch answered "It was in his toxology report,"

Rossi groaned.

"Does that really matter now, It's in the same family of drugs," said Morgan.

Hotch rubbed his eyes. "Only in the way they are treating the overdose,"

Prentiss was getting impatient "How is Reid, is he going to be alright?"

Hotch looked over at Prentiss, Her jaw was clenched and her hands were drawn into fists.

"The doctors said they are going to treat him with a drug called Naloxone. It can counteract the effects of the heroin immediately,"

"That's good isn't it?" said Garcia hopefully.

"The next forty eight hours should let us know. There can be some pretty bad side effects, all we can do is wait."

The team was silent. JJ wiped some tears away "I'm going to call Will," she said quietly.

"JJ, Garcia, I want you to go home. I will call when and if there is any change," said Hotch.

He put up his hand when he saw them both start to protest "That is not a suggestion, it's an order,"

They both nodded and quietly said their goodbyes. Morgan gave Garcia a hug and promised to call her if anything happened, good or bad.

Hotch waited till the two women left before he turned his attention to the rest of the team.

"I figured since you all were in on this the past few days you might like to stay till the end."

The team remained quiet. Hotch was seriously pissed and there was no point of making it worse.

XXXXX

Reid was awake now, he felt like hell. Every muscle in his body ached and waves of nausea washed over him in a steady rhythm. He was hooked up to an IV. His heart rate and blood pressure were being monitered. The last thing he remembered clearly was standing outside of JJ's house.

A nurse leaned over him."There's a couple of people who'd like to see you" she said.

He saw Hotch and Prentiss walk in. Hotch's face was as usual, unreadable. Prentiss however looked like she been through a war. He had never felt so ashamed.

"Just a few minutes ok?" said the nurse brusquely.

Hotch nodded and stood beside Spencer's bed. Prentiss took her place on the other side and held Reids hand.

"I'm so sorry Hotch," said Reid, his voice barely above a whisper, "I'm so sorry."

Prentiss squeezed his hand "Shh it's alright," she soothed.

Hotch sighed, the hardness left his eyes "Reid, we'll talk about this later. We were waiting for you to come to so we could see you. We're going home to get some rest. The doctors say you are stable."

Reid nodded slightly and a tear rolled down his face. A thousand things ran through his mind that he wanted to say. He wanted to apologise over and over, to beg for forgiveness though he knew it was probably too late and he didn't deserve it. Everybody knew what he was, his career was over, he was over. He let everyone down.

He gasped out a sob "I'm so sorry" It felt like it was the only sentence his brain was capable of forming.

The nurse looked in "I think he might be getting overexcited," she said as she saw his heartrate and BP rise.

Hotch gave him an awkward pat on the arm. He suddenly began to feel the emotion of the situation and needed to leave.

"We'll be back tomorrow, I'll let Rossi and Morgan know how you're doing." with that he left the room.

Prentiss leaned over and kissed his forehead. "I'll be back too," she whispered.

His large hazel eyes met hers. He saw no judgement there. He nodded and watched her walk away.

"That your girlfriend?" asked the nurse.

Reid didn't answer.

XXXXXX

The next morning Hotch left Strauss's office. He thought he had predicted the many ways the section chief would react to the news about Reid but he hadn't forseen the one he actually got. Complete and utter silence.

He stood in front of her waiting for some kind of reaction. He thought at first she was too shocked or stunned, believing that at any moment she would start screeching or at least display the amount of anger that was befitting the situation.

Instead she said nothing. It was positively eerie. He had come in prepared to defend Reid as best he could and maybe try and salvage some part of his agent's career.

Her expression was competely stony. She sat down at her desk and folded her hands.

"Thank you agent Hotchner," she said dismissively.

"Ah, do you think you could tell me what you intend to do?" he asked still perplexed by her attitude.

"In due time, thank you agent Hotchner," she said evenly. She began to study some papers on her desk.

He had no choice but to leave. Had she heard him?, or was her mind devising some nefarious way to split up the team. He didn't trust her.

Rossi came rushing over to him as he entered the bull pen.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"Strangely", replied Hotch.

"What do you mean?" Rossi said puzzled.

Hotch slowly shook his head "I mean she said absolutely nothing, barely asked any questions and dismissed me,"

"Well, that's not good,"

Before the older agent could comment further he was interrupted by his cell. his brows raised in surprise at the text he saw.

"It's Strauss, she wants to see me." he said.

Hotch shrugged, "Could be totally unrelated to Reid," he said but his scowl belied his words "Dave, 'I'm are going over to see Reid,.JJ and Prentisss are on their way there. The other team is taking over cases that requires travel. We need to be here."

"Understood, I'll meet up with you later, for now I 've got to go find out what this is about," he said gesturing to his phone. The two men parted.

XXXXXX

Upon arrival at the hospital he was surprised to find that Reid was still in intensive care and he was even more surprised to find JJ and Prentiss both sitting at Reids bedside with unhappy expressions. He noted Spencer was now hooked up to two IV bags plus he was on Oxygen and quite unconscious.

"What's wrong, what happened" he asked, alarmed.

"He's ok now" said JJ in a quiet voice. "We were told by the nurse he was having trouble breathing last night and suffered two seizures"

"What!, why weren't we called?" demanded Hotch.

they heard Reid murmur and his head lolled to the side as if he could hear Hotch's angry voice and found it upsetting.

"I think I deserve to know that my agent might be dying." he said, calmly and quieter this time.

"They said it was likely a side effect of the drugs they gave to counteract the heroin. He has oxygen and he's receiving anti seizure meds right now " explained Prentiss. She absently stroked the hair off the young man's forehead. This quieted the small moans of distress he was making.

"They said he's going to recover from the overdose. The anti-seizure medication has kind of knocked him out," JJ added.

Hotch was relieved, yet at the same time, he knew the hardest part was yet to come.

XXXXXX

Reid was going to recover; that was the piece of information the majority of the team held on to. As long as Reid was alive there was hope he could make a full recovery, that he would battle addiction again and this time win for good. This was the hope they held on to even though they knew just how unrealistic it really was.

The next few days were difficult as they watched their young friend and colleague struggle but their anxiety began to ease as Reid gradually began to look more like himself.

They kept their visits short as per doctors orders. Reid didn't mind, he was glad he didn't have to face them, the guilt and shame he felt was almost as unbearable as the withdrawal he was experiencing.

He was taken off the anti seizure meds that had made him so sleepy. He couldn't sleep through the pain and cravings now. He was forced to just feel everything. His stomach and legs would cramp, His skin itched to an almost maddening degree and he was constantly retching into a basin.

The doctors that came in and the nurses _all _drove him crazy. He wanted to throw things at them and scream. He longed to run away. One night he almost did that very thing. He had even planned an elaborate escape when the sad disappointed faces of JJ and Prentiss would float in front of him. He would curse his conscience that had found a new way of tormenting him. Most of the time he would curl up into a ball and pretend to be asleep so he wouldn't have to speak to Hotch or Rossi when they came to visit.

One afternoon he lay on his bed feigning sleep with his back to Hotch. Hotch began to speak to him in a calm quiet manner.

"Reid, I'm a dad and even Jack can pretend sleep better than you."

Reid's eyes flew open but he didn't move. He heard Hotch pull up a chair to the side of the bed.

"I need to talk to you. I know you must be frightened. I spoke to Strauss and told her about your disease and yes, I truly believe what you have is a disease. She's been uncharacteristly silent on the matter but I'm sure it will only be a matter of time before I hear from her." Hotch paused a moment to let the information sink in. "I just want you to know, I will fight for you Reid but you have to help us out here. You have to fight too."

Hotch said no more, he gave Spencer's shoulder a squeeze and left the room. Reid had bitten down hard on his lip to stop from crying.

XXXXX

When Spencer awoke from his sleep he thought he was alone in his room. There was very little light coming in his window. It was one of those confusing times of day when he knew not whether it was dusk or dawn. He looked around the room searching for a clock when he saw a pair of intense blue eyes staring at him from the far end of the room. A jolt of fear went through him. His heart began to beat a little harder as she walked towards his bed.

"You're looking well Dr Reid," said the cool familiar voice.

"Thank you, I've been given Benzodiapines; the doctors said I needed a smoother and safer withdrawal," He informed her, he saw no point in not being absolutely forthright now.

"Good, I have something for you," She reached over, lifted one of Reid's hands and put something cold and hard into it.

Reid opened his palm and looked at the medallian with18 months printed on one side.

"Remember when you gave that to me? You helped me one time with this. I thought you might be needing it back," Before Reid could reply she walked to the door to leave.

"Wait, what's going on, what's going to happen to me?" he said.

"Dr Reid, you're going to be released very soon and when you are, you will find out. Goodnight." She left his room leaving a very confused and apprehensive Reid.

TBC.

AN Sorry for the long wait. The next chapter will be much much quicker. Please read and review.

.


	27. Chapter 27

**Not Home Free.**

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal minds.

_'If you have one true friend, you have more than your share,'_ ~ Thomas Fuller.

Reid's hospital stay wasn't long, less than a week after he was brought in, Spencer was going back home; JJ was going to drive him.

He had spoken to his doctors and he promised them he would attend a NA meeting once a day. He was on indefinite sick leave from work. It was just short of a miracle he hadn't been fired. He had Strauss to thank for that.

There was a bond between them that none of the others knew existed. Spencer had been the first one to recognize the signs of alcohol addiction and that she was in trouble. He tried to help her, she voluntarily went away and tried to fix it herself, after all that's what he had done. When Strauss returned she was clean and sober for awhile but like so many others before her she slipped and was ultimately discovered, this time by by Morgan and Hotch. By that time Reid was too far gone in his own addiction to help her again. Still, she didn't forget.

Reid wondered how he was going to fill his days and stop from going crazy. Sure, he could attend meetings but meetings didn't help when it was 4 oclock in the morning and he was lying in bed in a cold sweat. The cravings were cruel and relentless and called to him constantly, no matter what he tried to occupy his mind with.

"Penny for your thoughts," said a female voice.

Spencer turned around to see JJ standing in the doorway. He could almost feel the worry that emanated off of her. He gave her a tired smile. He wanted her to feel better, he felt ashamed of what he had put her through and that he had collapsed in her home with Henry just a floor away. He knew he had many amends to make.

"Just thinking. JJ I'm sorry I..." She didn't let him finish.

She rushed over and wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace.

"Spence shh, stop it, don't be sorry. Just get better please. That's all I really want."

He felt his eyes start to mist over. He pulled away and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. "Ok let's go then."

It was not a long drive home. The sun was out and the heavy rain that had made everything look so dismal a few days ago had turned nearby parks and lawns green and lush.

He felt scared at the thought of going home and being alone. He wished JJ could stay with him awhile. Then as if she had read his mind, JJ turned and smiled at him. He saw the fine lines around her beautiful eyes and wondered if he had helped put them there.

"We're here," she announced cheerfuly as she pulled her car into a visiter's spot. She walked him up to his apartment and went in with him.

"I'm gonna make us some coffee and maybe later I''ll order some take out, is that alright?" she called as Spencer began to check out his apartment.

"Yeah sure, shouldn't you be going back to work or home? " he asked.

"I'd thought I'd spend the day with you, make sure you have everything you need,"

_'You mean make sure I don't get high somehow,"_ he thought. Still, he was happy she was staying, at least for a little while.

He could tell the team had gone through his apartment with a fine tooth comb. It was shiny and and immaculate, he was pretty sure he'd be pretty hard pressed to even find an extra strength tylenol laying about much less any kind of narcotic.

"You ok Spence?" JJ asked from the kitchen.

He realized he had not spoken for awhile. He joined her in the kitchen "Sure, it's good to be home."

XXXXX

That first evening home JJ had kept him occcupied with food and games and movies, but eventually she had to leave. When she left she hugged him extra hard. He wanted to remember what that felt like and how he couldn't afford to hurt her anymore. She was too precious to him.

Unfortunately as the the week wore on, it became harder to be alone. The team had to be away on cases for several days at a time. He gritted his teeth and did his best to follow the program. He went to meetings once a day and sat in the back of the room. He hoped John wouldn't be there, he couldn't face him. One time he even saw Strauss, sitting quietly off to the side, they didn't speak but merely nodded at one another in acknowledgement.

His doctor recommended that he exercise, really a first for him. He took to jogging around his neighbourhood. He hated it and considered it a waste of time. Morgan laughed when he said as much and promised to go with him one time.

He wrote to his mother and said nothing about his current predictament. He didn't want to stress her anymore than he had to. He made lists of people he had to make amends to. The list was long.

One afternoon he discovered he was running out of clean clothes. He started started gathering up his things to take to the laundrey room. He rummaged through his closet and there under a pile of old periodicals was his go bag. He retrieved it and looked inside. He grimaced when he found some clothes that were in deperate need of laundering .

"Yuck, " he muttered and dumped the entire contents of the bag on the on the floor. Something shiny caught his eye as it dropped out of the bag and rolled under the bed. He got on his hands and knees to see what it was. He reached under the bed and wrapped his hand around it. He did a sharp intake of breath as he immediately recognized the feel and shape of the small smooth cool object. It was a bottle of dilaudid, it had at least one or two doses in it.

Spencers' mouth watered at the sight of it and he felt a sudden cramping sensation in his stomach and legs. He experienced another feeling that was akin to arousal. The intense desire he had for the substance seemed to overwhelm his senses and none of his body parts seemed to know how to react. He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. He wanted to smash the bottle against the wall and pour the entire contents down his throat. Spencer grasped the tiny bottle in his fist. He doubled over and began to rock back and forth on the floor keening like an animal.

XXXXX

Prentiss stood outside of Reid's apartment and knocked on his door. She had come straight from the airport. She had decided even before the jet landed that she was going to drop in on Reid before she went home. While she was away, when she wasn't thinking about the case, she was thinking about him. She didn't tell the others where she was going in case they decided to come along. She didn't know why, but all day the need to see him and talk to him grew.

There was no answer, she knocked again and waited to hear the soft pad of socking feet walk across the floor. Just when she was beginning to feel a bit anxious, she heard a muffled voice call out from inside.

"Come in, the doors not locked,"

She pushed the door open and looked around the apartment. The living room area was empty.

"Reid, where are you?" she called.

"I'm in the bedroom." he replied. She thought his voice sounded a little funny. She went to his room,.there was a small trail of blood drops leading her there. She walked into the room and saw him sitting on the bed with a bloodstained piece of gauze wrapped around what was apparently a severely injured hand.

"Reid, what happened ?" she said as she rushed over and sat beside him on the bed. She instinctively reached for his hand, he pulled it away.

"No don't," he twisted away from her.

Prentiss didn't like this, he was acting odd.

"Spencer," she said gently "Please let me look, you might need stitches."

He relunctantly held out his injured hand. He hissed as she unwound the blood soaked bandage.

"Sorry Hon," she said absent mindedly. She inspected the cut and she could tell he had cleaned the wound and put some antiseptic on it.

"It doesn't look too bad, but I need to put on fresh bandages ok?"

He nodded at her like an obedient child. Prentiss got the first aid kit out of the bathroom and set about rewrapping his hand. Once she finished she looked him directly in the eye.

"Ok, do you mind telling me what happened ?" Her tone was gentle and patient.

Spencer gazed down at his lap and sighed. He didn't want to lie to her.

"I was cleaning and I found a bottle of dilaudid in my go bag," he saw her eyes widen slightly.

"What did you do?" she asked almost in a whisper.

"I didn't take it, I smashed it, I squeezed it so hard.. well you can see what happened," He held up his injured hand.

"Reid, I'm so proud of you, you resisted!" she said.

She watched his face as he closed his eyes and his body began to tremble;.he slowly shook his head.

"No, don't be proud, I wanted it I wanted to take it so bad and if i hadn't broke the bottle maybe I would have."

"But you didn't Reid,"

A sob escaped his lips. "You don't understand, I wanted it, more than I ever wanted anything.". His words started coming out in a panicked rush.

"This is too hard, I can't do this, I can't do this! Please Emily help me. I can't stop, I don't think I can ever stop. It's just too hard,"

He began gasping for air and he sounded like he was on the verge of hysteria, Emily took him in her arms and held him tight. He buried his face in her neck. His entire body was shaking

"I can' t stop I can't stop," He repeated.

"Shh, Spencer, it's alright, everything is going to be alright." Emily felt her own eyes fill with tears.

She held him in her arms for a long time, rubbing his back and murmuring soothing words in his ear until he began to calm down.

Finally he pulled away from her. She pushed the hair away from his eyes.

"Ok,? she asked gently

He looked at her and nodded He actually did feel a bit better. "Yes thank you,"

She smiled, Reid was ever the polite one.

"Look why don't you wash up, and I'll make us some dinner or at least order something, I'm good at that," she joked.

He smiled back at her "That's a good idea," he rose and headed to the bathroom.

Emily waited until she heard the water running in the bathroom before she took out her cell and dialed.

"Hello, Rossi. I'm at Reid's, remember what we talked about last week? Well... I think it may be time."

TBC.

AN: A big thank you to all my very patient readers. Please read and review.


End file.
